Agnus Dei
by These Lonely Skies
Summary: The sins of her world don't wash easily from Ellie's skin, no matter how hard she tries to hide them under small town pleasantry.
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys! Okay so I know I'm totally tied up in Gravity at the moment but I've been tossing this headcanon around for about a year with a friend of mine and she finally convinced me to give it a go. This isn't going to be priority update but I find I work better when I focus on two things so I can alternate them, so hopefully this all works out splendidly.**_

_**Parallels you may notice: Both of the main characters in Gravity and Agnus Dei are called Eleanor. They are completely different and this will become apparent the more you read, it just happened to be a name that my friend liked and one that really fit the character when I started writing her. **_

_**Please review and let me know if you'd like more! I'm more likely to focus on this fic if I know there's some genuine interest in it.**_

***.*.***

_Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis._  
_Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, miserere nobis._  
_Agnus Dei, qui tollis peccata mundi, dona nobis pacem._

_Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us._

_Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world, have mercy upon us._

_Lamb of God, you who take away the sins of the world, grant us peace._

_-Roman Rite Mass, based on Syrian chanting custom._

_*.*.*_

**CHAPTER ONE**

**La Push, present day.**

Ellie could feel eyes on her when she walked into the diner. She didn't react to it. It was normal in podunk little towns like this. If her brothers were with her, they'd assume that they were just tourists passing through. She'd either be assumed as one of their girlfriends, or they'd be assumed to be dating each other. People never seemed to come to the conclusion they were siblings. She didn't blame them. There was little family resemblance, even between Sam and Dean, who had at least shared both their parents. She'd only had John to make her part of the Winchester gene pool. It was a joke she and Adam had shared; part of the Winchester club, but not quite Winchester enough for it to matter.

It was never a particularly funny joke.

_And now you got no one, _she reminded herself as she sat down in a booth and scanned the menu. A waitress came around after a few minutes.

"Hey sweetie, can I getcha something?"

She was a short woman, middle aged, dark threaded with silver and tied back. Her face didn't look too old, but her hands were a different story. They were battered and old. Her nametag said _Annette._

Ellie took all this in as she returned the waitress' friendly smile. "I'll have the pie, thanks. And whatever coffee you got brewin' right now'd be real nice."

"Coming right up. You not waiting on anyone?"

Girls travelling by themselves were always suspicious, especially if they were polite. People started assuming she was running from a dangerous boyfriend, or maybe even her daddy. She'd been asked more than once, even slipped numbers for Women's Refuge a few times. It was nice but it didn't help none. She wasn't running from anyone who would chase her. No human, anyway. She still wasn't too sure where she stood on the supernatural hit list.

"Naw," she said. "I'm good. Can I get cream with the pie please?"

"Sure thing."

Ellie forced herself to relax instead of sweeping the restaurant. She wanted to look like she was stopping in for some food, not casing the damn joint. If she looked twitchy they'd get all sympathetic. Poor little girl running from home.

Poor little girl hadn't had a home to run from since she was sixteen years old. Not unless you counted a black Impala, which she did, but most other people didn't.

"Is there a motel 'round here?" Ellie asked Annette when the waitress returned with her coffee and pie. "I'm lookin' to stay a while."

"There's a few nice ones in Forks," Annette said. "Town a few miles back, you probably passed through it on your way."

"Nothin' here?"

"There's some cabins. Just outta town. Nothing big."

"I ain't big myself." Ellie smiled at her pleasantly, just an innocent slow-talking girl from outta town.

"Alright." Annette produced a pen from her apron and pulled a napkin over, bending down to draw a crude map. "It's fairly easy to get there, but you're pretty much right in the woods, so be careful. We got some big wildlife around here."

"I will be. Thank you, ma'am." Ellie tucked the napkin into the breast pocket of her shirt and smiled real big again.

Annette seemed reassured and moved away with a _you're welcome, sweetie. _

The pie was real good. Dean woulda loved it.

_Dean's in Purgatory, _she reminded herself crossly. _Don't you go thinkin' about that. _

She ate every bite and bought another one to go, feeling kinda lonely. She'd been travelling by Greyhound from main cities, but she'd stolen a little old Mazda that Dean would've hated on sight when she was in Seattle. It was beat up and none too pretty, an ugly green that got uglier the more you looked at the thing, but it had an iPod dock and it ran on the smell of an oily rag so she wasn't complaining too much.

She did miss having a real car though. Hopefully Sam was taking good care of Dean's baby.

She drove out carefully, easing the little ugly thing around potholes that would have been hell on the teeny tiny tyres. The woods closed in and swallowed the houses whole after a few miles. She had to check Annette's map to make sure she was still on the right track.

The turn off was a gravel road that she jolted over with a wince and a few words that would have made her old pastor blush. She was seriously doubting Annette's credibility when she finally rounded the last corner and found a big old house with faded yellow shutters. Behind it, the driveway continued. She assumed that whoever owned the cabins lived here.

Parking up beside the house, she bounded up the steps and knocked. Habit made her sniff quickly for sulfur, and had her eyes darting 'round for unusual plants or signs of anything untoward.

So far, so good. She patted the hex bag in her jeans for luck as she waited.

The door opened and a grumpy-looking man was glaring down at her.

"Can I help ya?" he demanded in a way that let her know he was really hoping he couldn't.

"Yessir. I heard from a woman named Annette that there was cabins out this way for rent," she said brightly. "I'd like one, please."

He grunted. "For how long?"

"A week." She could always bail out early if she had to.

"Fine." He rummaged behind the door and held out a key. "A hundred. If you leave early you can get some back."

Frowning at his attitude, Ellie pulled out her wallet and handed over a few bills. "That oughta do it."

He pocketed them. "I don't do the cooking, there's all the facilities there. No cable. And if you break anything, you bought it, so don't break nothing. Got it?"

She kind of wanted to smack the geezer. "Yessir." Ellie held her hand out for the key.

"Cabin number two," he sniffed as he let it drop into her hand. "You don't leave before I check for damages."

"I got it." Ellie turned and walked away before she could be berated any more. "Small things, Eleanor, small minds," she muttered to herself as she got back into the car and eased it around the house and around another corner. The cabins came into view, each with its own little driveway and parked area. They were podunk little things but they were perfect for what she wanted. No one would bother her here. Probably not even that cranky owner.

She parked up and grabbed her worn duffel bag, slinging it over her shoulder. The cabins looked to be in better shape than the actual house, which had peeling paint. This was all wood, stained dark, with a dark green tin roof. It almost blended in with the woods behind it. She looked at her ugly car and wished it was the same muted green, but it'd do. No one was gonna report a car like that stolen.

The interior was dusty and clearly hadn't been used for a while. Ellie sneezed, then dropped her duffel bag and rummaged for the salt.

Never too early to set up her perimeter.

*.*.*

**Louisiana,**

**2007.**

Sam and Dean found Ellie when she was sixteen. She'd already been on her own for a year. Her momma had been killed by monsters who were messing around in town. Ellie had shot the one that came after her with her daddy's gun and gone to ground. John had left the gun for a reason, apparently. Whatever had killed her momma hadn't taken the bullet like a man woulda. It was fast and she had to shoot a lot to get it down. She didn't have her momma's phone and her dad's number wasn't on speed dial on hers, so she tried looking him up, but no John Winchester was her John Winchester. She left town with some cash from the emergency card her mom had given her, before it could be cancelled, on a Greyhound.

She went to a city, because it made sense to go to a place with a lotta people, and she squatted in an empty building with some questionable people and kept her daddy's gun close. She got a job with some even more questionable people. It was rough, but she had to survive somehow. They left her alone for the most part when she wasn't running their drugs around. She was scrawny and scrappy and she knew how to fight. She'd once had a whole shelf of trophies and medals to prove it. But that was before.

She saved her bullets. She had a few boxes of them in her duffel but that wouldn't last long if she used them all.

Eventually she moved into a crappy apartment with a user, one of the other runners who had gotten sucked into the life. She padlocked her door inside when she was home and outside when she left. Her window was boarded up, had been when she moved in, so that was okay.

One day her disgusting roomie was all of a sudden sober. Ellie didn't trust it. She tucked her gun into her waistband and stuffed her remaining cash - it was always cash with the dealers - into her bra.

She almost made it to the door.

Turned out that whatever it was she had shot had tracked her down after all this time, and it was pissed. She was knocked out. When she woke up she wasn't even in the city anymore. She was on her way to God-knew-where in a fancy car and her assailant was wearing a different face yet again. Her feet were tied and her door was kiddy-locked. The monster warned her not to try and crash them, because it would survive and she wouldn't.

They were going to meet up with others. And then they were gonna take her somewhere and sell her off. That was all she got before it got annoyed at her questions and smacked her across the face with the meaty paw of the man it had turned into.

She shut up after that.

They ended up in a motel, of all places. She had expected something more sinister. Apparently monsters needed sleep too. She was tied to a chair and left, dehydrated and weak from not eating for possibly several days, while two of them went out for food and one of them watched.

"Please lemme go," she had begged. She usually had more pride but she was sixteen and scared and she didn't want to be sold off.

It had told her to shut up, _little bitch, _and gone back to watching out the window.

Then it happened.

She was weak by this point and couldn't really follow what was going on exactly, but the windows shattered and guns fired and it was dead on the floor with two men pointing guns at it. The tall man stared at her with wide eyes while the other one moved around the room, checking the perimeter.

"Dean," he hissed.

The shorter one - Dean - lowered his gun and walked towards her. She cringed back from him, because what if they were going to sell her too?

Water hit her face unexpectedly, making her splutter, and then before she could recover he had pulled a knife on her and slashed her arm. She cried out in shock.

"She's clean," he said to the other one. He turned back to her. "Who are you?"

She couldn't answer with her teeth chattering in her mouth like that.

"I asked you a question!" he snarled, advancing on her again.

"Dean-" the tall one warned.

"_Stay the hell away from me!" _Ellie tried to scream, but her throat was so dry that it came out all hoarse and strangled. She felt herself start to cry, though how she had any water left in her body was beyond her.

He clenched his jaw and turned away, directing the other one towards her with a jerk of his head.

This one approached slowly, hands up peacably. "You're Ellie, right? I'm Sam. I'm gonna get you out of here. I'm going to come around behind you and cut your hands loose, but I need you to stay calm, because if you try to run they might catch you again before we get them. Can you do that for me?"

Ellie nodded, still trembling and with her instincts screaming that letting another man with a knife near her right now was _VERY BAD. _

"Sorry about Dean," he said in the same calm voice as he moved behind her. She felt tugging on the ropes around her wrists. "We had to check that you were… well, you."

The pressure eased and her wrists were free. She stifled a groan as the blood flowed back into them, gingerly bringing them around into her lap so she could try and massage them with bloodless fingers.

Sam got to work on her ankles.

"How many of them are there?" Dean demanded.

"T-three," she managed. "Or two n-now I guess."

"How long ago did they leave?"

She sniffed and glared at him. "I didn't exactly h-have a damn _timer."_

"_Dean," _Sam said again warningly as he cut through the last of her bonds. He unfolded himself and reached toward her unexpectedly, making her flinch again, but he was just looking at the cut Dean had made on her arm. "It's not deep. Here." He turned and ripped a strip off one of the cheap bed sheets, tying it neatly around her arm.

"Don't baby her," Dean snapped.

"Don't be such a dick," Sam responded. "I know you're not happy about this, but you have to deal with it."

"I am!"

"Happy about what?" Ellie asked, lead settling in her stomach as she awaited some terrible answer.

"Nothing," Dean replied shortly. "We'll explain when we're on the road, okay?"

She frowned. "You're taking me with you?"

"We're taking you someplace safe," Sam explained. "We know about your mom. You don't have anywhere to go, right?"

Ellie stared at him. "How the hell do you know about my mom? How do you know who I am? _Who are you people?" _

"We're-" Sam started to say, but he was interrupted by Dean calling his name and the door slamming open, announcing the arrival of the remaining monsters.

She couldn't look away as Dean and Sam shot them down. The monsters looked disturbingly human as they fell to the ground, still in the skins they had stolen.

"Let's move before the cops get here," Dean commanded. He looked at her almost reluctantly. "Can you walk?"

Ellie stood up shakily and took a step, almost falling before Sam caught her and slung her arm around his shoulders.

"Thanks," she muttered.

He helped her across the tiny lot to where a black Impala was sitting, settling her in the back before climbing into the passenger seat himself. Dean, unsurprisingly, was the driver as they peeled out of the lot like it was catching fire.

"What's goin' on?" Ellie demanded. "Are you and your boyfriend just some kind of weird vigilantes or what?"

Dean groaned. "For Christ's sake, we're not dating, we're _brothers."_

"Actually," Sam began.

"Sammy," Dean warned.

Sam gave him a look and turned to her to continue. "We're… kind of… _your _brothers."

She gaped at him. "I'll be honest," she said, "That's not where I saw this headin' when you said _actually_. I don't have brothers. I don't have _siblings._"

"Well, now you do." Sam shrugged. "John Winchester's your dad, right?"

"We don't _know _that for sure," Dean interjected.

Ellie frowned. "Well yeah, he's my dad. He ain't around much though."

"He was our dad too."

"Was?"

Sam looked away.

Dean smiled mockingly at her in the rear view mirror. "Welcome to the family, sweetheart. Life expectancy is low."


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

**La Push, present day.**

When she woke up, she went jogging. There were trails towards the cliffs but she needed to go to town, so she headed for the road instead. She left her iPod at home because years of being snuck up on tended to make a person paranoid about compromising their hearing in lonesome places.

The trees were beautiful, but like anything, they just made her suspicious. What was hiding in them? What was gonna jump down and attack some innocent person?

Ellie was fast. She wasn't faster than Sam, but Sam was freakishly tall and had a much bigger stride than she did. She was certainly faster than Dean. Again, not a fair comparison, since the only exercise Dean got these days was small time hunting between supernatural shitfests. At least when he was having meaningless sex all the time he was getting some cardio in.

Crap. She'd thought of Dean like he was just around the corner again.

_He's gone. Him and Cas both. Ain't no coming back from Purgatory._

He just had such a bad habit of coming back. They both did. It felt strange that this was the one place they weren't getting out of.

She ran into the town proper, past the diner she'd gone to yesterday, and finally slowed in front of the grocery store. She was sweating more than she usually would, but then she had pushed herself faster than she normally would. It felt good to stretch out muscles that had been useless for days while she travelled by bus and car.

The store was small and needed love. The linoleum was peeling up in the corners of the aisles and one of the lights was out completely. Ellie picked up a basket and pushed the hair that had escaped her ponytail off her face as she wandered down the fruit and vegetable aisle. Sam would probably judge her for not looking for organic food. He was oddly conscientious about that stuff considering the lifespan of your average hunter.

She picked up some spinach and broccoli in his honour.

She had just started contemplating what kind of meat to buy when the back of her neck prickled and she knew she was being watched. She checked her phone like she had a list and wheeled around, scanning as if for a forgotten item.

There.

A woman with scars one side of her pretty face was looking at her. Beside her was a man who probably rivalled Sam in height and easily beat him in bulk, holding her hand and following her gaze. Ellie pretended not to notice and snatched up a packet of baby carrots before turning an sauntering back to where she had been.

They didn't look off. But demons never really did until they revealed themselves. She wished she'd brought the colt with her. That was one big son of a bitch. If he was a demon, she wasn't gonna be able to punch him and run.

They were either demons or rude. Either way she wanted to get outta there sharpish. She threw some steak into the basket and sped through the rest of her purchases so she could high tail it to the counter. She paid with cash and started back to her little cabin at a brisk pace. As she walked, she looked around at the houses. The ones that were clustered together were mostly cute little white picket things, but they got increasingly sprawly and weathered as she walked outta town towards the coast and the cabin. Roadside yards gave way to trees and dirt or gravel driveways winding up to invisible houses.

Her salt lines were undisturbed when she came back. She stepped over them carefully and locked the door behind her. She shoved the groceries in the little bar fridge under the counter and went into the teeny tiny bathroom to shower.

It didn't hit her until about midday today, just after she'd had lunch and cleaned up the sink. The loss. She pulled a half empty bottle of cheap, shitty whiskey out of her bag and sat at the little table. She lifted the bottle in a silent toast and took one good pull before she capped it again, grimacing at the taste. She really needed to get some better liquor.

She stayed at the table a while, letting her head tip back and her eyes slide shut as she thought about Dean and Cas and her momma and John and Jo and Ellen and Bobby, and even Sam, although he was just avoiding everyone and not actually dead. She didn't blame him since she was doing the same thing, but he _did _start it. He was probably still calling himself Winchester though.

Winchester was a hunting name. She didn't do that no more, and she was never full Winchester anyway. Besides, she kinda missed her momma's name. It sounded like innocence, something she hadn't been associated with for a long time.

*.*

She ended up going back into town around four, because she'd completely forgotten potatoes and they were one of the few things she knew with certainty she could cook without ruining after living on diner food for so long. She took her ugly car in. It looked like it was gonna rain. It was that time of year where you just didn't know what was gonna happen.

She got about halfway to the store when the thing started choking and the engine puttered out, barely giving her time to pull off the road before it died.

"Son of a God-damned _bitch_," she swore, thumping the dashboard. The sky was looking more ominous by the minute. She got out and popped the hood, assessing the damage. She didn't know all that much about the workings. She knew how to check and change oil, how to jumpstart, how to check the water, and some basic things to look at that needed attention every few weeks. Dean never let her work on the Impala but he did let her watch sometimes. She'd gotten some experience once they had to use a different car during the whole Leviathan mess.

It was clear no one had paid attention to this car in a good long while, and she cursed herself for not checking anything before now, because now it was beyond her limited expertise.

The sky opened up and it _poured. _

Ellie slammed the hood down, cussing and stomping around to the door. She flung herself in and switched the hazard lights on. She wondered if anyone even came out this way, or if she'd have to wait out the rain and walk to get help. She didn't know any local tow companies and her new phone unfortunately didn't have the internet.

An old pickup roared past, then stopped. It reversed just as fast until it was sitting beside her on the road. The window wound down, so she cranked hers down too. A big man leaned over to call out to her.

"You alright?"

"My damn car broke down," she called back, rain splatting her through the window. "Y'know any tow places 'round here?"

He shook his head. "Nearest one's in Forks. Hold on." He pulled ahead of her on the shoulder and got out. As he unfolded himself and walked towards her, Ellie's eyes widened. He was one big sucker, maybe bigger than the guy in the store. Certainly broader. What was in the damn water around here?

Ellie got out, subtly checking the comforting metal of her gun in her waistband. He was even bigger up close. She didn't think she'd ever met two people who could be taller than Sam, let alone that they would be in the same town.

"Jacob Black," he rumbled, holding out a large hand.

"Ellie Deyes. Nice to meetcha." She shook his hand firmly, looking him right in the eye like Ellie Winchester woulda. "You think you can get this hunk of crap workin'?"

The rain pounded harder as he glanced at it, seemingly unimpressed. "Well, I can try. Pop the hood, I'll see what's going on."

He whistled when he beheld the sight. "Damn, I'm surprised you got anywhere with this thing. You ever check this?"

"I bought it cheap in Seattle," she said over the rain, stretching the truth just a teensy bit. "Didn't get a chance."

He shook his head at the state of it. "Well, you aren't going anywhere without some serious work. You got anyone who can drive you around?"

She pushed her sopping hair out of her face impatiently. "Naw. I'm out here on my own. It was meant to be a roadtrip."

"And La Push featured as a destination?" Jacob said dubiously. "Whoever planned your trip ripped you off. And whoever sold you this car robbed you blind, it isn't worth the cost of gas to drive it."

She frowned at him. "I ain't stupid, I just needed a car and there wasn't a lotta choice. And who says I had a destination? Life's about the journey ain't it?"

"If you say so," he said easily, shrugging as he slammed the hood down again.

She glared at the stupid car, then sighed defeatedly. "You got the number for that tow company?"

"I can do one better. I'll give you a tow to my place. I've got a garage out back, I'll see if I can get it working."

Ellie blinked. "You serious?"

"I'm serious."

"Well, Jacob Black," she said, "I think you may just be my hero."

He laughed. "Make sure you tell my girlfriend you said that, she's been saying I need to do more grand gestures."

"She may not be meanin' for other girls," she said dryly.

"Maybe not, but it'll give her faith that its her turn soon." He grinned and it made him look a helluva lot younger. She realised with a start that maybe he wasn't as old as she had assumed. He didn't look all that much older than her when he smiled.

*.*.*

Jacob's girlfriend was a pretty little thing called Abby, who took one look at Ellie and started scolding him for not getting her outta the rain sooner. She was maybe two inches shorter than Ellie and moved like a dancer, holding her strength in her core.

"I'm giving her free mechanic work!" Jacob protested. "Trust me, if you saw her car you'd know how much of a saint I am!"

"Don't you go knockin' my car," Ellie said as she followed him up the porch steps. "It's got character."

He stopped in front of Abby and swooped down to kiss her sweet, rain soaked and all.

Ellie looked away uncomfortably. When she glanced back, Abby was smiling big and pushing his face away.

"You go dry off," she said. "You too, Ellie, I'll just get you a towel. Come on in, it's freezing out here in the wet."

Ellie emerged from the bathroom a short while later, dressed in some of Abby's tights and a sweater of Jacob's that went to her knees. Abby grabbed her wet clothes and put them in the dryer.

Ellie just hoped her gun didn't show in this outfit.

"Thanks for the hospitality," she said politely as she sat, under Abby's insistence, at the table in the kitchen.

"No problem." Abby slid into the chair across from her after setting the kettle to boil. "What's that accent I hear?"

"Louisiana. Born and bred." She may have laid her accent on a little thick when she said that, but in her experience folks ate that right up. Made them think they were talking to some swamp kid from the bayou. Inaccurate, but it mellowed people for some reason.

"I _love_ the way you talk. It's so nice to listen to."

Ellie shrugged. "My eldest brother always made fun of me for it. Called me Dolly Parton, even though I don't sound a damn thing like her. Southern's all just as well to him."

"Sounds the same to me too," Abby admitted sheepishly. "You have brothers? How come they didn't have the same accent?"

"Different mothers. I had three brothers, all older. Got one left now." She rapped on the wooden table for luck.

"Oh." Abby looked mortified to have asked, and possibly a little spooked at how casually Ellie was treating their deaths.

When your brothers died as often as Sam and Dean Winchester, you tended to get back on your feet quicker than normal people. Even if it was just because you couldn't reach the whiskey from bed.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to pry."

"S'okay." _That oughta stop some questions in their tracks._ Ellie leaned back in the chair and forced herself not to react when the door opened. Normal people didn't have reflexes and instinct, or if they did, they didn't act on 'em. Threat assessment wasn't civilian behaviour.

It was Jacob coming back in from the garage, wiping dirty hands on a rag. "I have bad news. You're going to need to wait for some parts to be sourced."

Ellie frowned. "Oh. Well, how much are they gonna be?"

"I'll let you know. Shouldn't be too much, I'm not getting anything new. Couple hundred maybe."

The kettle whistled and Jacob switched the gas off as he went past, going into the next room.

"You want some coffee?" Abby asked, already up and preparing cups.

"Sure. Thanks." Ellie started slouching, then realised that would reveal the outline of her gun and sat up straight.

"Abby? Honey?" Jacob called from somewhere in the house. "Could you come here a minute?"

"Hold on, Jake!" She was loud for a little thing. Abby rolled her eyes conspiratorially at Ellie. "I'll be right back. Sugar's just on the counter there, and milk's in the fridge. Sorry to be an awful host, but he pouts like a toddler when he can't find something."

"That's perfectly fine," Ellie said, rising carefully and going to the fridge as Abby sailed away gracefully. She located the milk and froze for a second when she heard a floorboard creak under someone's foot.

_Normal, _she reminded herself. _If that fails, you still have a gun. _

She closed the door and feigned surprise at Jacob's reappearance by the door.

"Oh! You're kinda big to be sneaking 'round like that," she said a little breathlessly, hand to her chest. "Did you want some coffee?"

"I'd like to know why you have a gun in my house," he said casually, leaning against the doorframe.

Damn. He must have seen the outline. Points to him for getting his girl outta the way, though. Jacob Black had protective instincts and used them. She respected that.

She shrugged. "Don't worry, I wasn't gonna use it on you and your girl. It's for monsters. I just didn't think it'd be polite to leave it lyin' around."

"You run into a lot of those on your trip?"

Ellie didn't have to fake the face she pulled. "You'd be surprised." Although she doubted they were talking about the same kind of monsters. She could deal with sleazy truckstop douchebags without pulling the gun.

He held out his hand. "Give it here. I'll put it in my truck, and when I drop you home you can get it back."

Her eyes narrowed. "I don't like being defenceless."

"I don't like you having a gun in my house. You're not in danger here."

They were at stalemate for a moment until Abby could be heard coming back down the passage, saying something about _it was in the third drawer, Jake, like it always is, you're so blind. _Ellie sighed, knowing she was defeated, and pulled out the gun to hand it over.

"Don't you do anything to it," she warned quietly. "Me and this gun've been through some things."

"Wouldn't dream of it," he assured her cheerfully. "Be right back, Abby!"

Abby appeared in the doorway to frown at her boyfriend's back as he strode away again. "Honestly, I think I'm dating a five year old. He has no attention span at all."

Ellie settled back into the chair with her cup. "He seems real nice. How long you been together?"

"Three years," Abby said happily. "I used to go to summer camp with a girl who lived here, and I came to visit her a lot once we got too old for that. Me and Jake just clicked, so after school I moved here to be with him."

"Well, it seems pretty nice here." Ellie said. "Peaceful. Anything much ever happen?"

Abby seemed to freeze slightly, but then she laughed and the moment was over. "No, not really. It's really slow most of the time. I think the most exciting thing was when Letty set her house on fire."

"Who?"

"Letty Peterson," Abby said, shaking her head slightly at whatever antics this Letty had got up to. "She's this old lady. She lives, like, two streets over from the grocery store. Big old white one with green shutters? She went kind of crazy a few weeks ago, said her husband was back, and then she lit her house on fire. Swears she didn't do it, of course, but there's no one else there. Her husband died and her kids are all out of state. Everyone kind of hushed it up so she wouldn't have to go to a home. She's a really nice lady."

"So she thinks her dead husband did it?"

"Yeah." Abby rolled her eyes. "Crazy, huh?"

"Insane," Ellie agreed.

Of _course _a job had found her here. Of _course _it would.

She kinda hoped the old bat was just crazy.

*.*.*

**Usually the back seat of the Impala,**

**Or in crummy diners/motels.**

**2007**

Turns out her momma was prepared for things to head south at some point in her life. She'd known all along that monsters under the bed were real.

"Hold up," Ellie interrupted. "You're sayin' that those _things _that came after me… there's more of 'em? And there's other things that are worse?"

"Pretty much," Sam said. "Just be open to the possibility that every mythical creature in every culture exists, and then you won't be taken by surprise."

She gaped at him over the table of the cheap diner they had stopped at.

"How the hell did my mom get involved in this?" she demanded.

"Apparently she was involved in a job Dad did. Werewolf in Leesville." Sam poured dressing over his salad. "We don't know how she was involved exactly, but he helped her out, and I guess…" he trailed off with a shrug.

Ellie wrinkled her nose. "Right."

"It could have been someone else," Dean grumbled around his cheeseburger.

Sam sighed. "Yes, Dean, it could have been anyone else and we would never know. We only have the birth certificate, the location in Dad's journal, and photos of Dad and Ellie to prove it. Really inconclusive."

"How did you get my birth certificate?"

Sam turned back to her. "Your mom's lawyer sent a package to Bobby after she died. I guess it took a while to get it sorted with the will and all, he only got it a little while back. It had your birth certificate, passport, pictures, bank information. Letters from your mom." He took a bite and chewed it while she took that in, then started talking again. "She wrote one to him, telling him all about you. And there's one she wrote for you waiting at his house."

Ellie felt like her head was pounding with all the stuff her newfound family had dumped on her. "Wait, who's this Bobby person?"

"Bobby's our friend. The one we're taking you to. He's a hunter, like us."

She frowned. "So why am I gonna be safer with him than you if y'all have the same job?"

"It's not up for debate," Dean said, speaking up for the first time since he'd sat down with his cheeseburger and a scowl. "You're going to Bobby's. You'll just get in our way."

Ellie took aim, mindful of Sam, and kicked Dean under the table. Hard. He yelped and shot a wounded look at her.

"Stop messin' with me," she hissed. "I'd like to see you take all this in with one gulp. I didn't ask for _none_ of this. I'm the oopsie baby, remember?"

He glowered at her.

Sam diplomatically took charge again. "You'll like it with Bobby. He doesn't move around all the time like we do, so you'd have more of a home base while we figure out your next move."

They ate in silence for a while.

"Sam?" Ellie said quietly.

"Yeah?"  
"How did they think she died? The normal people?"

Sam swallowed uncomfortably. "Uh, general opinion is that she was murdered and brutalised by a coworker. The shifters stole his identity for a while."

"What happened to him?"

Now he looked really uncomfortable. "Well…"

"Suicide," Dean said around his burger. He sounded morbidly cheerful. She hoped it was because of the cheeseburger. "He thought he was going crazy, seeing three of himself committing crimes. Thought he actually did it. Swallowed a round before the cops got to him. I tell ya, these shifters were sloppy, leaving a loose end like that."

She closed her eyes for a moment, praying this was all some twisted and disturbingly detailed dream.

When she opened them, the diner was still there, and Dean was giving her the damn stink eye again while Sam dug into his Caesar salad.

*.*.*

It was a long way to Bobby's house apparently, especially driving everywhere like these boys did. It seemed like everywhere they stopped, something unnatural was happening. Sam and Dean usually made her stay at the motel or in the car, though she was pretty sure it was for different reasons. Sam seemed concerned that she'd end up bait. Dean just wanted her to be useless so he could offload her.

She learned a lot, those early days on the road. It felt like her whole life she'd been wearing blinders and now someone had taken them off. The road ahead wasn't the only thing she saw now. She saw the woods on either side, and the sinister things that muddled within.

She learned that no matter how much Sam ribbed him about it, Dean would play the same songs from an era she wasn't even sure he was alive for. Old rock. Classic, and usually timeless, but after listening to the same tapes (and who even _had _tapes anymore?) for hours and hours and hours, it was getting pretty old. And if either of them complained, Dean just turned it up and looked at them like he was daring them to do something about it.

No one messed with Baby. Not even if it was just with her stereo.

She missed Mom. She hadn't had much time to think about it before now because she'd been on the run and trying to survive. She woulda liked to have gone to the funeral. Or known anything about it.

She wondered what flowers they'd picked. Who'd gone.

She'd never been to Sioux Falls, or anywhere else in South Dakota. She'd never actually been outta Louisiana before now. Most days she just watched the scenery go by, talked to Sam if he was in a talking mood, and tried not to get in Dean's way. She felt like he was warming up to her. He'd actually had a conversation with her last time they stopped before he realised that he was meant to be holding some stupid grudge against her existence.

It came to a bit of a head shortly after a week of travelling around like this. They were in a dumb motel again. Ellie swore the motels all look exactly the same. She was looking forward to getting to Bobby's just for a bit of something _new_.

Except she didn't want to go stay at Bobby's, not really.

"Why won't ya teach me?" she complained, glaring at Sam and Dean as they went over their arsenal, a habit she'd almost grown used to. "I gotta learn sometime if I'm in this kinda life now."

"You're not in it," Dean said shortly. "You haven't grown up with it, you don't know what you're doing. You'll just get yourself killed."

"You don't _want _to grow up with it," Sam added, eyes on his task as he grimaced. "Trust me. It sucks."

"I can't just go back to normal. It don't _work _like that." She crossed her arms and resisted the urge to stamp her foot like a kid. "I can fight. I know how. You just gotta teach me the other stuff."

"_You_ can fight," Dean scoffed, looking her up and down. "You're a freaking kid. What are you gonna fight off?"

"I could fight you," she retorted.

He rolled his eyes, and to her dismay, even Sam looked a little amused.

"Sure you could, sweetheart," Dean said.

"I'm serious," Ellie insisted. "Get up. I bet I can defend myself."

He looked at her for a minute, then got up, shaking his head. "What, you take some self defence courses at the rec centre where you grew up?"

"Something like that."

"Dean," Sam said exasperatedly. "Ellie. Come on, knock it off. This is stupid."

Ellie raised an eyebrow at Dean. "Go on, then. Attack. If I win, I get to hunt."

"Fine." He held up his hands, seemingly relaxed, then _lunged. _Ellie sidestepped his attempt and let instinct take over, grabbing him and using his own momentum to send him hurtling to the ground.

She stepped back and beckoned him again, not daring to be smug in case it was a fluke. She hadn't practised in a good while, unless actual tussling with the druggies counted. It didn't. Their form was always terrible.

But she had just landed him face first on the ground. And it did feel kinda good that Sam was trying to smother a laugh.

"Lucky move," Dean grumbled, getting back to his feet. He approached her again, warier this time. He moved -

And she ducked under his hit and got him in the stomach. His body slackened momentarily under the impact and she retreated a step, used the opportunity snap her leg up and against the side of his head. He staggered with a curse and she pivoted to kick him again, more solidly, on his chest. Off balance he staggered backwards and crashed into a uselessly small decorative coffee table, landing this time on his ass.

He looked up with his eyes narrowed.

Sam was laughing all out by now. "Dude, you got your ass handed to you by a chick. She's _sixteen." _

He moved suddenly, sweeping her feet out from under her. Ellie yelped and twisted as she went down, driving her elbow into his belly with her full weight. He grunted but latched onto her, pinning her arms awkwardly. She wriggled and reared her head back, smashing her forehead into what would have been his nose had he not turned at the last second.

She had to get out of his hold before he could overpower her with his strength.

_ThinkthinkTHINK._

She still had her feet.

She went limp for a beat, then bucked and twisted. His arms had loosened just a fraction and it was enough to get her own arms out and put them to use getting out of his hold. He yelped when she reached up and twisted his ear around, letting go of her completely to grab at it. Ellie scrambled up and turned-

Dean was pointing a gun at her.

"Bang," he said, chest heaving from the exertion. "You're dead."

"That's cheating."

He rose carefully, keeping it trained on her. "You think what's out there's gonna play fair with you? Stick to, what, tournament rules? No. So _bang. _You're dead."

"Dean," Sam said, ever the pacifist. "Put the gun down, man, she gets it."

Dean held it up for a moment longer, holding eye contact to see if she did get it, then lowered the gun and tucked it under his jacket again.

"If you gave me a gun, I'd have the same advantage," Ellie said. She could shoot. John had taken her to the firing range once for her birthday, and living in derelict apartments for a year had taught her everything else she needed to know about the heavy weight of a gun in her hand. Even if she'd only really used it for show, except when the thing that killed her mother was after her. Her brothers hadn't seen fit to replace the one the skinwalkers confiscated.

Dean snorted. "Princess, you ain't getting a gun. You don't know how to use one."

"I know how to shoot," she argued. "Dad taught me!"

"You said Dad last visited when you were thirteen," Sam pointed out, can of beer in hand as he watched his siblings over the screen of his laptop. "You've probably forgotten whatever he taught you by now."

"I haven't."

"Prove it," Dean challenged.

"Give me a damn gun and I will."

Dean and Ellie stared at each other for a long moment, both stubbornly refusing to look away. She imagined she could almost see the seam where their wills were clashing, somewhere down the middle of the room.

"Come on," he growled suddenly, apparently coming to a decision. He grabbed his keys off the table and headed out the door. Sam sighed and stood up, gesturing for her to follow as he headed out too.


	3. Chapter 3

**CHAPTER THREE**

**La Push**

Jacob Black was getting on Ellie's nerves. He had this way of seeming half-asleep, but then he'd go and do something to show he was the damn sharpest out of all of them. It was confusing, and it was irritating as all Hell, because it meant she oughta be watching herself more than she had been.

Currently, he was making small talk with her about her supposed road trip while Abby was baking something. Very domestic, that one. It was enviable that she could be.

_You could be if you wanted, _Ellie reminded herself. _Fresh start and all._

"So, you just got on a bus and decided to go?"

Ellie shrugged. "I didn't have much to stay for," she said. It was easiest to stick as close to the truth as possible. "Figured I may as well try somethin' new."

"Brave," he said, sitting back and studying her. He looked relaxed, curious. He didn't fool her one bit.

"Naw," Ellie said, sipping her second coffee. "Mostly dumb."

She missed the comforting weight of her gun already.

"Why La Push?"

She shrugged again. "I ain't been before. Figured it'd be quiet. Out of the way. Good place to clear my head."

He took a measured sip of his own drink and Ellie could see him _itching _to ask what needed clearing. She pretended not to notice. It'd do Jacob Black a world of good to get knocked a few pegs.

"Small towns always look like that, I guess," he said eventually. "You have to live here to appreciate everything going on. How long are you planning on staying?"

"I'm booked for a week," she said. "After that, I don't know. Maybe longer. Maybe not. Depends on my car." _That oughta give him some motivation to fix it. _

"Jacob Black, you stop interrogating my guest," Abby called from the sink, up to her elbows in suds as she washed her mixing bowl. "Don't mind him, Ellie, he just likes knowing every single thing that happens in this town."

"She was my guest first," Jacob protested.

Abby pointed a sudsy finger at him. "You brought her to my house, so she's my guest. Be nice."

"I'm perfectly nice, woman!" He replied, hand on his chest as if wounded. "Tell her, Ellie, tell her I'm nice."

"You're nice," she repeated obediently, wondering when she would be allowed to go. Abby seemed sweet enough, but Jacob was smart, and that was dangerous if she was going to help out the crazy old lady.

"Once more with feeling," he said wryly.

"Leave her alone," Abby scolded. "Ellie, honey, were you on your way anywhere when this oaf picked you up?"

"I was goin' into town for some things," she said. "They can wait 'til tomorrow. I usually pick up groceries while I'm out runnin'." If she asked for a ride into town now, they'd probably wanna give her one back, and she couldn't exactly pop around to the old woman's house like that.

"You run? Do you know where any of the trails and stuff are?"

"Abby," Jacob said, "The trails aren't really safe for tourists." He glanced back at Ellie. "They're not maintained. Pretty easy to get lost, plus some of them are eroded from storm damage a while back."

"Oh," Abby said, eyes widening minutely with some realisation. "Yeah, guess you're right."

"I'll just stick with runnin' to town," Ellie said easily. "Unless there's any beginner trails? I don't wanna be the dumb tourist gettin' lost." _Or the dumb tourist that gets eaten. _

*.*.*

Ellie made it to the old crazy's house the next morning on the pretext of her run. Her legs burned a little more than yesterday from the lactic acid buildup. She didn't warm down like she should've after not running for awhile.

The house was gorgeous. It didn't seem all that damaged on the outside. She wondered whether it was maybe a smaller fire than people had thought. Maybe the old lady just left her oven on.

_When is it ever just something normal? _She thought to herself resignedly, walking up the path to knock on the door.

An old white lady answered, watching Ellie timidly through little spectacles. "Yes, may I help you?"

"I was wonderin' if I could get some directions, ma'am," Ellie said politely, trying her best to look all wide eyed and dewy. "I'm new to town, I got kinda turned around when I was runnin'."

"Oh!" The little old lady opened her door slightly wider. The scaredy animal look didn't leave her eyes though. "Well. Where is it you came from?"

"I don't actually know," Ellie lied bashfully. "It's somewhere outta town a bit, some cabins with trails behind them. You know anywhere like that?"

"Might be Sal's place," the lady replied. "Mean looking man? Rude?"

"That'd be him, ma'am."

"Sounds like Sal." The lady's eyes darted around the street, and then she seemed to gather herself up a bit. "I'll just draw you a map, if you like, it can be a bit tricky. Come on in."

Ellie followed her in and had a quiet moment of victory, chalking the _poor little miss _act one up on the awful FBI disguise yet again. Then she remembered that she wouldn't have anyone to brag to, so it was kinda pointless.

"Goodness," Ellie said, feigning shock at the sight of the smoke-damaged and in places charred interior. "What happened to your house? Did your radiator blow or somethin'?"

Old lady eyed her. "Or something. What was your name again?"

"Eleanor Winchester, ma'am, but most just call me Ellie." Ellie smiled real big again, just like Dean woulda done. He was too damn good at looking innocent, and some of it had rubbed off after a while.

"Well, Ellie, I'm Letty Peterson. I suspect you'll get to know everyone soon enough if you stick around, it's really not that large a town…" Letty led her through to what looked like a sun room, which was wholly intact.

_Looks like the fire mainly affected the front of the house. Wonder what happened there to make the ghost angry? _

Assuming there was a ghost, of course.

"I just love your house," Ellie gushed. "These big old places… My grandma used to live in one, she was in Louisiana. It was so beautiful. I was always convinced I was gonna buy it when I was older. Still might, if I end up going that way again."

"Whatever happened to your grandmother?"

Ellie shrugged_. _"We fell outta contact when my mom died. I went to live with my father and my half-brothers. Never got to see her again before she passed. About five years ago now, I think."

"That's a shame."

"It happens." Ellie watched as Letty drew some paper out and started marking it. "You have any grandkids coming round eying up your house?"

Letty's hand stilled.

"No," she said finally, recovering and continuing. "No, me and Howard never had children."

A door slammed somewhere in the house, taking with it the noise from the street.

Ellie narrowed her eyes slightly. "No kids? Big house like this? Seems unlikely."

"It wasn't in the cards," Letty said, her hands less steady. "I don't like dwelling on it."  
Something was brewing. Ellie could feel it in the way the hairs on the back of her neck stood up, the way she couldn't hear the birds outside anymore, and the way the air lay a physical weight upon the room.

They weren't alone.

She shifted towards Letty slightly, glancing around surreptitiously. "Hey, Letty, you got any salt?"

"Salt?" The old fuddy blinked at her, clearly confused by the turn in conversation. "Of course I do, this is a kitchen…"

"You think you can point it out to me? I have the feeling we're gonna need it in a minute."

Letty looked at her like she'd grown another head. "What on Earth are you talking about? Why do we need salt? Are you on…" she lowered her voice like the room was bugged, "..._drugs?"_

"I'm not on drugs," Ellie said carefully, ever conscious of the limited time they had left before their guest decided to announce itself. "I'm someone with... special skills. I came here today 'cause I heard you might have a problem that most folk can't understand. A problem that can cause fires, maybe. And I can help but I need to get to the salt first. Okay?"

"I don't understand," Letty was saying, which made Ellie want to _strangle _the damn woman, and then it all went to hell.

The doors and windows all slammed shut, bolts and locks sliding shut with definitive clicks.

"_Shit," _Ellie swore, turning to Letty, who looked terrified. "Salt!" She shouted at the old woman, tucking away sympathy for another time when they weren't in mortal peril. "Where's your Goddamn salt, woman!"

Letty just groaned in response. Ellie swore again and dragged the old lady by the arm to the pantry, ripping through until she finally - _finally - _found a bag of salt. She ripped it open with her teeth, ignoring the briny grit that settled over her mouth, and poured it in a sloppy circle around them.

She turned back to Letty. "Who is it?" she demanded. "Who wants you dead? Is it your husband? _Who is comin' for us?"_

"Leeeeeeeeh-teeeeeee," a voice called behind them.

Letty went even paler, if possible. "Oh, God," she whispered.

Ellie whirled and saw a man who oughta not be there. He looked kinda young compared to Letty.

If this was her husband, he had either married an older lady or died a while ago. He had gashes and dents all over his face and forearms. However he died, it wasn't pretty.

"Come see her, Letty," he said.

"Letty," she said, "I'm gonna need you to pull yourself together and help me. I'm gonna get us outta here alive, but I need your help, okay?"

"Okay," Letty whispered, fragile old fingers digging into Ellie's arm like it was a lifeboat aboard the Titanic.

"Alright. Now, who's that?"

"That'd be Earl Lahote," she said faintly.

"Alright," Ellie repeated through gritted teeth, trying not to lose patience as the vengeful spirit stared at Letty. "And why does he want you dead? How did you know him?"

Letty licked her lips and drew in a shaky breath. "Well," she said tremulously, "You know how you asked if I didn't have any grandbabies? I don't. Not by my husband, anyway."

"Oh, shit," Ellie muttered.

Earl Lahote shifted and flickered closer to the salt. A few grains lifted from the breeze.

Ellie had to stop herself from praying reflexively to a certain someone who was beyond answering.

"We had a baby," the old lady continued shakily, staring at the face of her dead love. "We managed to keep her a secret. Said she was one of Earl's sister's kids."

"How'd he die?" Ellie urged. "Where's he buried?"

"Howard killed him."

"Oh, _shit," _Ellie said again, with feeling.

The breeze picked up slightly as the spectre's face darkened.

"Letty," he called. His voice was deep and would have probably been soothing in another situation, had he not been a damn dead thing trying to make _them _dead too. "Don't you wanna see our girl?"

"Is your daughter dead too?" Ellie hissed.

Letty shook her head. "She lives round here. Doesn't know I exist."

"Come see our girl," the ghost insisted, stepping right up to where the salt line was drawn.

"Then why does he keep sayin' that?"

"I never went and saw her," Letty said. She looked at Earl's ghost again. "We had to be careful, damn it, you know we did! If Howard had found out…"  
"Howard never found out?"

"He knew about the affair, not about our baby girl."

"Letty!" Earl slammed into the barrier and puffed out momentarily, making Letty flinch and scream.

He was getting angry.

Ellie tried to think fast in the instant before he came back, casting her gaze over the room. "Got any iron lying around?"

"Pokers by the fire and a cast iron skillet by the stove, why?"

"Ghosts don't like it much," she said grimly. "I'm gonna step outside the circle and get the skillet. If I leave the room he's gonna lock you in, so I'm not gonna do that. You _stay_ _here, _okay? Don't goddamn move."

She made it all of three steps before Earl roared and slammed her across the room into the countertop, smashing her hip into the granite in a way that sent white hot pain shooting out from the area. Ellie cursed and grabbed the skillet from where it hung above the stove, slashing it through the ghost as he advanced upon her again. Her aim was sloppy and she almost overbalanced but she managed to make a hit, giving her enough time to limp back to the circle and drag her ass inside.

"When he comes back, I'm puttin' the iron through him again and we're makin' a break for the door," Ellie said as firmly as she could, leaving no room for argument. "I'm gonna smash the door if it's locked and we're gettin' the hell outta here. I need you ready to go when I say go, alright?"

Letty nodded, looking terrified.

Ellie hoped Letty was tougher than she seemed.

"_Letty…"_

"Now!" Ellie shouted, breaking outta the circle and dragging Letty with her. She heaved the iron through the ghost again and charged the door just the way Dean'd taught her - he'd be proud, she thought before she could stop herself. The aged wood around the lock splintered and they went tumbling out onto the lawn.

Outside, the birds were still twittering. Ellie took them a few staggering steps further before she let Letty sag down onto the ground, relaxing her grip on the frying pan slightly as she watched the house.

Animals always knew more than humans about bad shit going down.

"You alright?" she said in concern, kneeling beside Letty - _shit, _her hip hurt right now - and giving the woman a quick once over to see if she was okay.

"I'm fine," Letty gasped unconvincingly, staring wide-eyed at the house.

"I think," Ellie said, "You needa tell me some more about Earl."

*.*.*

_**Missouri**_

_**2007**_

"_Dean. _I'm not a damn baby!"

"You are a damn baby," her brother retorted, jaw set all stubborn. "You ain't coming on any hunts."

"What more d'you want from me?" Ellie demanded angrily. "I can shoot. I can fight. Teach me the lore and I'm good to go!"

"No."

"Sam!" Ellie looked at her other brother. "Tell 'im he's being unreasonable!"

Sam sighed. "Ellie, he's trying to do you a favour."

She switched her glare back to Dean. "Either take me huntin', or take me to Bobby's. You can't keep draggin' me 'round the countryside and expect me to wait defenceless in the car while y'all do your business. I'm Winchester too!"

"No, you're not," Dean said loudly. "You're a Deyes. You're not a Winchester. You're not a hunter."

Ellie recoiled like he had struck her. She shook her head at him. "That's where you're wrong," she hissed. "I ain't sayin' Winchester like it's a _good _thing. It's a stink for monsters to follow and I _reek _of it. I was hunted down by shifters 'cause I'm Winchester blood. I nearly died last week because you decided to take on a Goddamn _coven _and they sicced me with a hex bag for bein' your sister. So when I say you should take me along too, I'm not sayin' I wanted this life. I'm sayin' that if I'm bein' hunted like a Winchester, I may as well be _huntin'_ like one too instead of sittin' on my ass and waitin' for the world to come get me." She turned and stalked outta the front door, slamming it behind her not quite fast enough to miss Sam's _Nice, Dean. _

She sat on the hood of the Impala, looking up at the sky. It wasn't long until the hotel room opened and someone stepped out. She ignored Sam in favour of staring at the stars.

"Look," Dean said gruffly.

_Oh. _Not Sam, then. That was unexpected.

"I'm not good at apologising," he continued, coming to rest against the hood of the Impala, back to her as he joined her in stargazing. "And I still think I'm right. You shouldn't be anywhere near this life. But you are. So I guess it's inevitable you're gonna get pulled into it. That's why we're taking you to Bobby's house direct. No more hunts on the way."

"Bobby's a hunter too," she muttered. "What's staying with him gonna do?"

Dean sighed. "I don't know. But I can't have another one of my family at risk every day. You'll be safer at Bobby's than with us. He knows more about lore than anyone. He can protect you."

"I can protect myself."

"You're sixteen."

"How old were you when you started huntin'?" she challenged, glaring at the back of his head.

He turned and met her gaze steadily, serious in the half-light filtering through motel windows and leaking from aged streetlights. "Too young."

"Answer me."

He smiled and it was the empty, mocking one he had used when he had told her John was dead. "Me and Sammy were hunting ever since we could. It was all we knew. It's not all you know. It doesn't have to be your life."

"It does," she said. "This world… it doesn't just let you go. My mom was touched by it once, briefly, and now she's gone. I've been livin' it for months now. You really think normal's gonna take me back?"

"It will. If you let it."

She frowned. "I don't believe you."

"I don't either," Dean admitted. "But you can try. It's too late for me. I'm on borrowed time."

Ellie's eyes narrowed. "Am I gonna find out what the cryptic comments are about sometime soon? It's gettin' old. You got cancer or somethin'?"

"Or something."

She looked away.

"You're awful at apologies," she said after a minute. "You never even said sorry."

*.*.*

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

Ellie ordered a strong coffee for herself, and when it came, she snuck some of the contents of her hip flask into it.

Letty eyed her speculatively. "Got any of that to spare?"

Ellie slid Letty's tea over and splashed some in, though it was a smaller measure than her own. Letty grimaced at the taste of the cheap whiskey even so.

Ellie leant forward, seeing no point in prolonging this. "Tell me about Earl."

Letty took another sip with another twist of her mouth, setting the cup back down delicately despite her trembling hands.

"My husband was… an important man," she began. "He was a very good businessman. Smart. Ran his own business from Seattle. For about five years or so after we first got married, before it really boomed, he was gone all the time. Always in Seattle. He had an apartment there. He'd come home on weekends and holidays, sometimes, but not always. I was alone in that house all the time. I wasn't allowed to work, see, Howard never wanted people to think he couldn't provide for us. That's why we had the big house with all those empty rooms. It was important to him to be the provider."

"Sounds… swell," Ellie muttered, wanting to say a stronger word but not wanting to offend the old lady in case she decided not to talk.

Letty looked like she knew what Ellie wanted to say if her bitter, brittle smile was any indication. "That was Howard. Swell guy. Everyone always said so."

Ellie sipped her coffee and waved off a waitress as she approached, heading off any interruption. "How's Earl fit in?"

"Earl was there," Letty said softly. "He used to come around and fix things in the house, and then when he was done, we'd talk and talk. He listened to everything I ever said. I'd mention something offhand and the next week my cabinet would have new knobs on the drawers, or there'd be my favourite flowers on the kitchen counter. He was a wonderful man. Younger than Howard, closer to my age. We were young and in love. You do stupid things when you're young and in love."

"Like havin' a lovechild?"

Letty exhaled slowly. "Like that, yes. We hid it from everyone. I was so scared. I couldn't even go to the doctor. Back then, in this town, there was no such thing as confidentiality. My husband would've known quick as anything, along with half the Olympic Peninsula."

"How'd you hide a baby from him?"

"He went to Vietnam," she explained. "I didn't see him for a long time. He was only there when I was about three months gone, and he just thought I was getting fat. Then he was gone."

Ellie nodded. "And when the baby was born...?"

Letty smiled again, and this time it was genuine. "Oh, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. Earl snuck his mother into town to help with the birth. I got to have my girl for a whole week, and then she was gone."

Ellie frowned. "Gone as in taken, or dead?"

Letty eyed her. "You don't hold punches, do you? Gone as in her father and her grandmother took her back to their family to raise her. Told everyone she was his sister's baby, that some white soldier had knocked her up when she was away working in the city. No one ever knew. And my baby girl got to grow up with a family who loved her and accepted her. That was a life I couldn't give her, not in those days and certainly not while I was married to Howard."

Something still didn't quite fit and suspicion tickled Ellie's nose like an errant feather.

"How'd Howard find out about the affair?"

Letty took a more generous gulp of her tea. "One of the neighbors told him when he got back from the war. Noticed that Earl was sneaking in after sundown while Howard was in the city. This was about two years after our baby girl was born. I asked him not to. It wasn't safe. Wasn't nothing left to fix in that house, but Earl kept on coming by to tell me how she was doing. That she was loved. And then one day Howard comes home early. It was a Wednesday. He was meant to be at _work." _She shook her head, as if after all this time, she still couldn't believe it. "He… he was angry. So angry. He took Earl, and Earl… well, Earl never went home."

Ellie ran a hand over her face. Vengeful ghosts didn't die a peaceful death, and Earl had looked as bad as any.

"So your husband gets rid of your boyfriend," Ellie said. "Why's Earl only comin' around now? And why is he targetin' _you?_ Shouldn't he've been after Howard, years ago? Did Howard go to jail or somethin'?"

"No." Letty's shoulders hunched forward, and she suddenly looked very old and very frail. Her voice was quiet, subdued. "There wasn't one cop in town who was gonna arrest a white man over the death of a coloured one. Especially if it was a situation like ours. I had no one to go to. No one to tell. I didn't even find out properly for months. As to why now… I just don't know. Maybe because now I'm old, all I have time for is thinking, and all I think about are the things I miss most. Maybe he just wants to punish me for letting it happen."

Ellie reached forward and squeezed Letty's hand. She knew, to some faded and numbed degree, what it felt like to have someone you were in love with ripped away without explanation.

"I'm sorry you have to live this all over again," she said softly. "But you needa think about somethin' for me so I can help you, and so I can help Earl. What's dead should stay dead, but it don't always do what it's s'posed to. Have you got anything belongin' to Earl that you keep in the house? Somethin' you may not have had before?"

Letty thought, frowning. "I can't… I don't think I do."

"Just think it over," Ellie urged. "Any little thing. A button from his shirt. A piece of jewelry."

"He never wore jewelry," Letty said. "But… there may be something. I didn't think it was actually his, I just thought it was a coincidence, I just bought it because it reminded me of him…"

"What is it?"

"A carving," Letty said. "A beautiful carving of a bird. It reminded me of him because that's what he was always calling me, Letty-bird inside her cage. I guess it was after that all this started. I just thought… maybe he was haunting me because I was thinking about him so much."

"Real sorry to tell you this," Ellie said, "but we're gonna have to burn it."

Letty blinked. "Dear," she said, "I'm sure you've heard about the last fire in my home. I'd rather not have another one."

"Vengeful spirits don't stop. They just keep gettin' nastier." Ellie signalled the waitress for the bill. "It gets worse. If he don't stop after that, we gotta find his bones and burn 'em. Lord knows where your lovely husband left him."

*.*.*

**Bit sporadic with the updates for this fic. It's kind of an outlet for when I'm stuck on my main fic, Gravity. I can never just focus on one thing. This fic isn't created with the same intent as that one, so it's going to be a lot faster paced and it's a lot easier to just keep toddling on with it when I need a break. Let me know what you think. **


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for the wait. You know how it is. Thanks for all the follows and faves! Apologies for any errors. This is fairly raw material.**

*.*.*

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

Ellie shuffled into the house awkwardly, the salted hula hoop making doorways a little difficult. She lifted her phone to her ear.

"Alright," she said, "Where's the carving?"

"It's beside my bed," Letty said, sounding nervous despite the fact that she was in the car and nowhere near a damn vengeful spirit. "Be careful, now."

"Careful's my middle name," Ellie muttered, navigating the narrow stairwell and approaching the upstairs. "Last on the right?"

"Last on the right," Letty confirmed.

Ellie stepped into the room and looked around. It seemed just like a typical old lady room; a vanity in the corner, floral bedspread, cream curtains

Wooden bedside cabinet with a lamp and knick-knacks.

Lotsa knick-knacks.

Wooden, carved knick-knacks.

Ellie groaned.

"What?" Letty asked anxiously. "What is it?"

"Letty," she said, "Could you not've kept the wooden carving we need seperate from all your other wooden carvings?"  
"It's the only bird," Letty said defensively. "Just go have a look."

"Gonna hafta dig it outta here…" Ellie grumbled, trudging closer. She peered at the carvings, hand hovering over each until she found, at last, a tiny little bird soaring to freedom.

"Did you get it?" Letty asked.

"Yeah, I got it," Ellie said, straightening up and adjusting her hula hoop. "Now I just gotta-"

The door slammed shut and the temperature plummeted.

"God _damn_ it," she swore. "Every time…"

"What? What's happening?"

"Earl," Ellie said grimly. "He ain't showed up yet, but he's here. He shut me in the room."

"He probably doesn't like that you're taking his carving," Letty said worriedly. "He might think you're stealing it."

"Vengeful spirits ain't rational, Letty," Ellie said, eyes darting around for the ghost. "And they ain't the people they used to be. Just remember that. We're doin' him a favour, but he won't take it well."

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw the mirror start to frost over.

"Letty, I'm gonna have to letcha go," she said slowly. "I'll be out in a minute."

She pressed the end button before Letty could reply and switched her phone onto silent, tucking it in her pocket before edging toward the door.

"_Leeeeeeee-teeeeeee…" _

"She ain't here," Ellie said firmly. "You don't scare me none, Earl Lahote. Let me outta here nice and this can all be over."

He appeared in front of her so suddenly that she flinched and swore despite herself. He was breathing hard and angry.

"Letty," he said, "You been to see our girl yet?"

"No," Ellie said. "But she will. Now lemme go, or I'll make this nasty."

"Letty!" He shouted, his ruined face twisting into something uglier.

"Get outta the way!" Ellie bellowed back, barrelling through him with her hula hoop and praying that worked the same as a nice iron poker would. He dissipated and she didn't waste time wondering where he went, instead slamming the door open and sprinting down the stairs.

He appeared on the landing.

He appeared in the kitchen.

She just kept on running through him, until she got to the kitchen door. And it was locked.

"Oh, _shit," _she said with feeling, backing up to find another exit.

The window over the dining table looked pretty big. She bet she could make it. But then he'd just come with her, because she had the piece of him he was clinging to.

"Letty!"

"I'm not Letty, go away!" Ellie shouted. "You've been dead for years! Why you gotta go causin' trouble now, damn it!"

There had to be a lighter or something in here.

Her eyes landed on the stove.

The open flame gas stove.

"Perfect," she muttered, rushing over and holding down the hob as it clicked and started to ignite. "Come on, come on…"

Something slammed into her from the side and she went flying, landing sprawled on the hard kitchen floor. But that was impossible, she had her hula hoop, it was right-

By the kitchen door, where she'd dropped it to run to the stove.

Earl stood over her, smiling viciously.

"Get the _fuck _back," she snarled, backing up herself and scrabbling frantically to find iron. Any iron. Where was that damn skillet when she needed it? Or salt. Did Letty not season her food? Why was the salt kept so far away from everything?

Earl raised his hand and she flew again, this time hitting the wall with a sickening _crack _that left her head ringing and made her eyes lose focus for a minute.

She staggered back into a standing position and forced herself to think, because God damn it he was coming again and she had no backup and what kinda Winchester got whacked during a run-of-the-mill vengeful spirit hunt?

_There. _

Before the thought was even formed in her mind, she was lunging for an ornamental spoon that hung on the wall and her fingers closed around the familiar weight and heft of iron.

Praise be, Letty liked iron over wood.

"Back off!" She shouted, swinging the iron through him as he made to ragdoll her again. He vanished into a wisp and she sprinted for the stove, shoving the wood on top of the naked flame and pouring whatever fancy oil Letty had onto it just in case. The flame whooshed up and she fell back, panting on the floor with her iron spoon at the ready for Earl's possible final revenge. It was only when the bird was cinders and the smoke alarm was shrieking that she relaxed, hurrying to switch off the flame and smother what was left.

She called Letty.

"You gotta come in now. You're gonna have to make up a story for the firefighters," she said. "Tell 'em you were cooking and somethin' went wrong. Or don't, but I don't think they'll believe the truth."

Letty came in, eyes wide and mouth trembling. She grasped Ellie's hands within her own and Ellie realised that pretty much everything on the old lady was shaking like a damn leaf.

"Thank you," Letty whispered, pressing her hands gently.

"Thank me by not mentionin' to the cops I was here," Ellie said, pulling away to touch a ginger hand to the back of her head. A smudge of blood came away on her fingertips and she hastily scrubbed it away on her pants before Letty could see it. "I gotta go get myself cleaned up. I'll be by in a little while to check on you, okay?"

"Can't you stay?" Letty asked nervously. "What if he isn't gone?"

"He's gone," Ellie said grimly. "Saw it happen. He's gone. You got a back door?"

"Why can't you stay?"

"Letty," Ellie said, a tiny bit gentler than she wanted to because Letty was old and she'd had a shock, "If any cops come along'n see a stranger in a banged-up house, covered in blood and salt, what're they gonna think?"

Letty took a deep breath, seeming to calm herself. "There's another door out through the laundry room. Just down that hallway on the left."

"Thanks." Ellie made to get lost but Letty called her name again when she was almost at the door.

"You make sure you come back, alright?" the old bird said, fixing her with a surprisingly steely look for someone who'd just been proxy witness to the final death of an ex-lover. "I'll come to you otherwise."

"Yes ma'am," Ellie lied, flashing her a grin. "I'll be back. Maybe in a few days, once the news you almost set your house on fire again dies down."

*.*.*

Ellie made it to the Black residence slowly the next day, having stitched and fixed herself up from Earl's rough treatment.

She needed a car.

The sound of old rock, painfully familiar, led her to a large shed out back where male voices shouted over the wailing of guitars and vocalists alike.

She stood and watched a moment, tucked against the wide doors like a blade of grass blow in by the breeze. Jacob was working on her car, it seemed, and two others were tinkering on an old Ford.

She bet they'd've loved Dean's baby.

"Ellie Deyes," Jacob called, having finally noticed her. "You gonna stand there all day, or are you coming in to help?"

She snorted, sauntering closer to peer at what he was doing under the hood. "I doubt I'd be much help, but thanks anyway. My brother's real good at this stuff but he didn't teach me a damn thing. Too scared I'd mess up his baby to show me anything more'n changing tires and checkin' oil."

"That's a crime," Jake declared, nudging her with one grease-stained elbow. "Everyone should know how to fix a car. You tell him that from me, okay?"

Ellie smiled tightly, because until that moment she hadn't quite realised she'd once again spoken of Dean in present tense.

Again.

_Damn it._

"You met my wrench monkeys yet?" he asked, wiping off his hands on an equally filthy cloth.

"I resent that," one of the wrench monkeys complained, popping up outta where he was working to shoot Jake the stink eye.

"I'm sure you do," the big man replied cheerfully. "Ellie, this is Quil."

Quil reached out one impossibly long arm - he was a big man too - and offered his dirty hand to Ellie to shake. "Quil Ateara. Friends don't call me wrench monkey."

"Nice to meetcha," Ellie said, shaking his greasy hand firmly and without hesitation. By the way Quil smiled, it had been a test, and she'd passed. "Ellie Deyes."

"Embry, get your ass up and greet our guest," Jacob called.

"Coming, boss-man," a muffled voice replied from where he had disappeared somewhere on the other side of the car. "Just as soon as I- _fuck." _There was a clanging noise and more swearing, and then a disheveled man with a frown stood up, shaking one hand like he'd caught it in something.

"Language, shit-head," Jake said dryly, looking mighty entertained by his misfortune. "We have company."

"Dick," Embry shot back, stepping carefully around to join them. "Who's the company?"

"That'd be me," Ellie said, offering her hand the same way Quil had. "Ellie Deyes, nice to meetcha."

Two things happened.

First, Embry turned to her with a smile that dropped and shattered as soon as he met her eyes.

"Oh, fuck," he said, which was when the second thing happened.

He ran.

The man literally hurdled a car and _sprinted _away from her.

Ellie blinked and glanced at Quil, who looked a little stunned, and Jake, who was shaking his head and muttering something to himself.

"Was it somethin' I said?" she joked, trying to ease the situation.

Why had he run? Did he know something?

Did he know what she was?

Did he have something to hide?

Did he just plain hate her on sight?

"Embry has this condition," Jake said, starting to tinker with the car again. "Means he can't be around pretty girls."

She blinked. "What kinda condition would that be?"

"Irritable bowel syndrome," Quil blurted.

Jake sighed, closing his eyes as if in prayer.

Ellie raised her eyebrows. "Irritable bowel syndrome?"

"Yes," Jake said, sounding slightly exasperated. "Embry, our _friend-" _this seemingly directed at Quil, who looked a little abashed "_-_has irritable bowel syndrome."

"And I… irritated his bowel?"

"It's an awful condition," Quil said solemnly. "You just never know what's gonna set him off. Spicy food, mostly."

Jake coughed.

"He's a really great guy though," Quil added hastily. "Really top notch guy. Most of the time the IBS isn't an issue. I swear."  
Ellie wrestled with digging for more, then decided to let it go. She didn't _do _digging anymore. She wasn't hunting. She was just… getting a car fixed.

And spreading sheer, IBS-inducing terror, apparently.

"So," she said, choosing to change the subject instead, "How much of this is my original car?"

Jake snorted. "Honey, your original car was crap. I'm making it a nicer one."

"I can't afford a nicer one," she complained. "Fix my crappy one and lemme worry about it, 'kay? I got places to be."

"Can't do that."

"And why not, Jacob Black?" she demanded, hands on hips.

"Abby likes you," he said, shrugging. "You get local rates."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I'm gonna pay for what I get. I don't take no charity."

Quil, who had come to join them, slung an arm around Ellie and it was all she could do not to react naturally and ram something pointy into something soft that would make him yelp and let go.

"C'mon, Ellie-Belly," he cajoled. "You're in the club. Enjoy the benefits. Who else is gonna fix your car? Crazy Letty?"

"She ain't crazy," Ellie said with a frown, shoving his arm off. "And I mean it. I pay my dues. I ain't the kind of person who likes havin' debts."

"S'not a debt," Jake said, calm, still working away despite her protests.

"How?"

He glanced at her. "You're gonna help me with the labour."

"I just told you I don't know nothin' about cars," she pointed out.

"Then you're gonna learn. Here." He waved her over and pointed at something. "See this?"

"Yeah."

"What do you think it is?"

"Part of the motor."

"For now," he said grimly.

Quil laughed. "Should've just taken the free stuff," he told her, shaking his head.

*.*.*

_**Bobby Singer's house**_

_**Then**_

Dean's death had hit them hard, and Sam just didn't seem to get it. He was acting like he was the only one who lost family.

He wasn't. Not by a long shot.

And now he was gone.

"Bobby, we're outta milk again!" she hollered, head stuck in the refrigerator, searching for something edible amongst the beer and leftover takeout.

"Stop drinkin' it then," came the exasperated reply from the man who swore he'd never bought so much milk in his life.

"Let me drink your beer'n I won't," she called back, straightening and dismissing the search as a lost cause. She'd make something later when she got real hungry.

"Let me think… no."

"Bobby," she whined, following his voice to where he was sat going over some lore for some case Garth was on. "I'm seventeen, I'm entitled to sneakin' some beer."

"So sneak it," he said, eyes never leaving the page. "Just know if I catch ya, I'll kill ya."

"You wouldn't kill little old me," Ellie said, one hand to her chest for dramatic effect. "Be a damn waste of all them lessons. I'd be one helluva hunter if someone'd let me near the outdoors once in a while."

"I'm preparing you for the worst, kid, not prepping you for huntin' season," he grumbled, finally looking up at her from under his tattered cap. "You finished your homework yet?"

"All done."

"Are you lying?"

"What d'you think?"

They stared each other down, the latest in a series of poker-faced sessions in which they tried to call each other's bluff.

A knock on the door interrupted them, and Bobby looked away first with a sigh.

"Damn it," he muttered, heaving himself up. "You didn't win."

"I most definitely did." Ellie trailed after him, ignoring his low-level grumbling.

The door opened to something wearing Dean's face, and Ellie's heart just about stopped completely.

Bobby, luckily, was much more thorough. By the time Ellie had blinked away her shock, he'd tested silver and holy water.

Dean was clean.

Dead was _Dean. _

"Ellie," he said gruffly, arms rising as if to-

She flew at him and punched him right in his smiling face, knocking him down.

"How dare you!" she shrieked, standing over him. "You up and die - thanks for tellin' me about your contract, _by the way _\- and then you wander back here and expect what, a hug? What kinda idiot does that?"

"Jesus," he said, rotating his jaw gingerly, still on the ground. "I've been in Hell and your first reaction is to punch me in the freaking face?"

"You're a Goddamn _idiot," _she snarled, spinning on her heel and stalking outta the room. She was still absolutely furious with him. She'd had no idea he was gonna die, and then she'd mourned him, and now he was alive. How dare he.

"Where's Sammy?" she heard him ask.

_Of course. _


	5. Chapter 5

**CHAPTER FOUR**

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

*.*.*

Jacob was still tinkering with her car hours later, and Abby looked like she did not like that one little bit.

"Jacob Ephraim Black," she said, hands on hips, one clutching a dishrag and the other an empty fist. "You've been keeping our guest hostage again. Ellie, you wanna come inside? Have something to eat?"

"Naw," she said, wiping off her own hands, which had somehow gotten very dirty despite the fact she'd done little more than hand Jacob tools and keep things steady if he needed. "I'm gonna push off, I got some stuff needs doin'."

Jacob straightened up and shut the hood, glancing at her. "You can if you want. We're done here for now."

She shook her head. "Naw, I'm fine. Thanks."

"Come around on Tuesday," he said. "We should have the part we need by then."

"What if I needa be gone by Tuesday?"

He looked at her. "Then I guess I keep the car."

*.*.*

The diner was nearby.  
_Why not_, she reasoned, shoving her stuff back in her bag and slinging it over her shoulder. She was hungry. They had food. She didn't look like she'd been in a fight anymore.  
Not recently, anyway. Maybe like three days ago.  
She snuck out and ambled around the corner in the slow-moving afternoon, the sun seeming obscenely big and fat as it sank reluctantly toward the horizon. It was warm on her skin and it felt good after everything that'd happened.

Ellie slipped into the diner and picked up a menu, giving Annette a smile that stretched just a little too tight over her teeth when the woman threw a _Hey, sugar, _in her direction. She ended up sitting on the seats at the counter reserved for those who didn't want to talk to anyone and those who didn't have anyone to talk to even if they wanted.

She glanced around and paused.

Embry was sitting in a booth, by himself, inhaling enough food for three men and reading a battered old book at the same time.

Her feet were taking her across the floor before she even had a conscious thought. She plopped into the seat across from him.

"Feeling better?" she enquired, propping her chin on her hand.

He looked up and his mouth fell open, meaning the half a burger he was consuming fell out.

"Shit," he muttered, grabbing a napkin and cleaning up his mess.

Ellie arched an eyebrow. "I've been called worse."

"Not you, the-" he stopped at the sight of her tongue between her teeth. "You're making fun of me."

She shrugged. "A little. You gonna run away again if I get too mean?"

"I wasn't running," he said.

"Naw," she agreed easily. "You were all out sprinting. Anyone'd think you were afraid of lil' old me."

He took a beat too long to respond, and Ellie let out a bark of laughter.

"You are!" she said, delighted. "Good Lord. What've you gotta be scared of?"

"I'm not scared of you," he said defensively. "You're tiny."

"That's why it's so funny. You could fit me in your _pocket." _

"I'm not scared of you," he repeated, picking at his fries.

Ellie reached over and snatched one. "Alright. I'll pretend I believe you, and that you really were sufferin' from IBS which was violently triggered at the mere sight of me."  
He muttered something that sounded a lot like a plan to murder Quil. Ellie laughed again.

Annette came over with a notepad and a gleam in her eye.

"What'll it be, honey?" she asked, eyes darting between the two of 'em.

Ellie smiled real big, just like last time. "I'll have the burger and fries, ma'am. To go."

"You aren't staying?" Embry asked.

"I got places to be," she said. He didn't need to know that she meant her cabin in the woods.

"No, you don't," he said.

She raised an eyebrow at him, then noticed Annette still hovering. "That'll be all, Annette." She narrowed her eyes at the woman as she left, shaking her head at her busybodying. When she was certain she was outta earshot, she whipped her head back to Embry.

"Just whaddaya mean by that?" she demanded.

He blinked, looking like stunned mullet. "I, uh… I mean, you should stay. Let me make it up to you. For not running away from you. Because I didn't."

She leaned forward slightly as if sharing a secret. "Embry, you're safe here. You can admit to IBS if you wanna. You could tell the truth too, but I don't think that'll happen."

"The truth," he began, pausing for a moment before continuing carefully, "The truth is I suffer from a rare condition that sometimes gets the best of me."

"Say it. Out loud."

He frowned. "No."

She grinned. "Go on. Say what y'are."

He sighed and slumped a little. "I'm… an IBS sufferer."

She cackled again, because whatever this boy was hiding, it was sure funny making him go along with that excuse.

He scowled.

"Don't pout," Ellie said. "It's cute. You're scared of a little girl and you admitted to IBS rather'n say it."

"You shouldn't mock people who suffer from chronic illnesses," he said. "It's not nice."

"I'll let you in on a lil' secret," she said. "I'm not very nice myself." She stole another fry to illustrate her point. "I think you just need a little exposure therapy. Feel the fear'n do it anyway. I've got a plan."

"Do tell."

"Well," she said, leaning forward on her elbows again, "Small doses of exposure should do ya good. I'm gonna be at the bar tonight. You wanna make some progress, you meet me there."

_What was she doing?_ It was like having an outta body experience, watching herself flirt with this man.

He opened his mouth and she held up a hand, stopping him.

"Uh-uh," she warned. "No promises. You're there or you ain't. I'm gonna go pay for my meal, then I'm gonna walk out. I might see you later. Might not."

"Alright," he said, still looking a little confused at the turn the conversation had taken. "What time?"

"Seven." She got up and started walking towards the counter, then turned back briefly. "Seven-ish," she amended.

He tried to say something else but she waved a hand without looking again, already rummaging in her pockets to cover her bill as Annette placed a paper bag down in front of her.  
*.*.*

"Eleanor Winchester," she said to her reflection, "No way are you goin' to that bar. You're playin' a dangerous game, and you ain't ready for this shit anyway."

Her reflection stared back petulantly.

"Piece of shit," she muttered, walking away and running her hands through her hair. It was cleaner now, gingerly cleaned with the cheap shit travel shampoo that never seemed to quite get out everything but did a good enough job for the price. It had stung like a bitch too, but once you'd been tortured by angels and demons and every manner of supernatural being as could get their hands on you, a stinging scalp didn't seem justifiable as real pain.

She had to walk, because she didn't have a car yet, so she started off into the early evening. Crickets screamed obnoxiously in the still air. Her boots crunched on the asphalt.

She should've picked a place closer to town.

She shouldn't have made a date with a local, to be honest.

Was it a date? She'd never really been on one. When you were sixteen and travelling with your brothers to hunt all and sundry, nice boys didn't come around too much. And if they did, Dean scared 'em off. So all she'd had was bad boys in back seats or dim alleyways, stolen moments when she knew the boys were too preoccupied to notice she was missing.

And then there was Castiel. But she didn't like thinking about that mess. It'd been hurting her - _them, _really - long before he'd gone to Purgatory.

It seemed like eternity before she got to the bar. It was definitely well past seven and well into seven-ish.

She surreptitiously glanced around as she walked up to the bar.

He wasn't here.

It shouldn't have made her feel disappointed, and she berated herself that it did as she sat on a stool and ordered her usual cheap and nasty.

She was lifting her second drink when someone sat down beside her. She glanced over the rim to see Embry, properly dressed for once, looking entirely too contained in a nice button down shirt.

_Lord, those shoulders._

She knocked back the rest of the drink.

"Starting without me?"

She glanced at him. "My timetable ain't dependent on you. I'm a big girl. I'm allowed to drink by myself."

"Do you do it often?"

Ellie raised one brow. "If you're trying to get me to admit to alcoholism ten seconds in, you obviously don't think too highly of me."

He smiled. "I think highly of you."

"You don't know me well," she drawled. "Drink?"

"Sure. I'll buy."

"Mighty chivalrous of you."

"Sure. And my uncle owns the joint." Embry flagged down the bartender and ordered something a lot nicer than what she'd been drinking. Both Ellie's brows went up.

"He lets you drink the good stuff all the time?"

He shrugged. "Only when I've got someone to impress."

"You tryin' to impress me?"

"Trying. Is it working?"

She took a sip of the new drink when it was slid across the counter to her. _God, _this was so much smoother than the gasoline she'd been drinking. Sweet baby Jesus. It was beautiful. It was divine.

She set it back down, trying to look nonchalant. "I don't know. It's only been five minutes. And you were late."

"I was late? _You _were late."

"You got here later than me!"

He shook his head. "I've been here since seven."

A smile tugged at the corner of her mouth. He'd been waiting? "Seven?"

"Seven-ish," he amended. "So _you _were late."

"A lady is never late."

"Are you a lady?"

"Maybe I was, once upon a time." She snorted. "Actually, that's a damn lie."

"What, you never did pageants or anything?"

She glanced at him, slightly bemused. "No, I never did pageants."

He leaned closer, resting an elbow on the bar. "So, what did you do?"  
"Mixed martial arts."

He blinked. "Huh."

She grinned, all teeth. "I bet I could kick your ass. Ten bucks."

"I don't know if you've noticed," he said, "but there's a bit of a difference in stature here."

"It's not brute force, eejit. Obviously punchin' your lights out wouldn't work."

"I just… I wouldn't want you to hurt yourself."

Maybe he wasn't so nice after all. _Damn it, Ellie, you picked a dud. Again._

"Try bein' _more_ patronising. I don't think you're quite hitting the mark."

"Sorry."

Ellie downed her drink and stood up. "I think I'm about done here."

He stood too, hastily following her as she wove her way out. "Ellie, please, I'm sorry. You just… you have to admit that you're… tiny. It just took me by surprise is all."

She whirled on him, jabbing one finger into an admittedly rock solid chest. "Look buddy, I don't know what kinda ideas you got in your head about me, but I am _not _a pageant queen and I am _not _incapable of being anythin' but a delicate little flower just 'cause I'm _short." _

"I never said that!" he protested, looking a little frantic. "Look, I'm sorry, I just got nervous and it all just came out, and I'm a douche, so please just... don't be mad."

She eyed him. "So… kinda like verbal IBS?"

He sighed. "Never gonna let that one go, are you?"

"Nope. Never." She took a step back and tilted her head up at him. "I'm not goin' back into a bar I just stormed out of. 'Specially not in a small town like this."

Embry shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets. "We can go somewhere else. If you still want to. I get if you-"

"Where?"

"Anywhere you want." He looked brighter now. Hopeful.

She deliberated. "Walk me home. If you don't piss me off again, we can have another drink."

"And if I piss you off?"

"Don't be an ass and it won't happen."

"Duly noted."

*.*.*

Ellie unlocked the door with Embry's jacket around her shoulders, because apparently he ran hot and didn't want her cold.

Chivalrous bastard.

"Wait here," she said, pointing to one of the chairs on what might have been considered a porch if it was a little bigger.

He gingerly settled his bulk on the spindly chair. "You coming back?"

"Nope. Gonna leave you there all night." Ellie went inside, stepping over the salt lines, to grab her bottle of much less impressive whiskey and some glasses. She plonked herself down next to Embry and poured a measure each, setting the bottle down by their feet.

"Salut," she toasted, raising her chipped and obviously cheap glass. The owner really hadn't spared any expense on this place.

He clinked his glass against hers. "You like whiskey, huh?"

"'S a family drink," she explained. "My daddy, my brothers. Kinda tradition."

"My mom drinks sherry."

"Honey, if you like sherry, it's fine to say so."

"Not much. Whiskey could grow on me." He took a sip and grimaced. "Maybe not this brand."

"Your uncle's been spoilin' you," she declared, settling with her knees tucked up. "This here's what real men drink. Tastes like blood, sweat, and tears."

"Delightful."

She laughed. "Good whiskey don't last long. Bad whiskey? Maybe a bit longer."

He took another sip, managing to keep a straight face this time. "So where do they think you are now? Your family."

"I've got none," she said flatly.

"Shit."

"It's fine. Should be used to it by now."

"How long's it been?"

"They didn't all die at once," she said. "It's just… an occupational hazard. Family business. I've still got one brother left, but I prolly won't hear from him 'til the world's ending again."

He laughed. He thought she was joking. It was cute.

"So," he said, "that's why you're so tough. Three brothers."

She snorted. "They didn't have shit to do with it. I didn't even find out about them 'til I was fifteen, sixteen maybe. My momma made me tough. And it made my dad proud when he visited."

"Your mom sounds like a cool lady."

"She was."

He groaned, setting his head back against the wood paneling with a thunk. "Is there anything I can say without putting my foot in it, or am I just going to keep doing this all night?"

"You're prolly gonna keep doing it," she said, amused. "It's alright, it all happened a long time ago." Not quite the truth with Dean, but all the death in her family was a mood killer at the best of times.

"How about we play a game?" she suggested. "Since you're apparently so keen on questions. Truth or drink."

He eyed the amount of liquor left in the bottle. "I don't know if that's a good idea."

"Why, you got a lotta secrets you don't wanna tell?"

He sighed. "Fine. You wanna go first?"

"Sure do." She deliberated a moment, swirling the dark liquid in her glass as she thought. "You got any siblings?"

"Not that I know of. I never knew my dad, so I guess it's possible."

She grimaced. "Guess we both have daddy issues."

"Guess so." He shifted his bulk slightly, making the chair creak. "Alright. Why did you really come to La Push? This definitely isn't a holiday destination, no matter what you told Jake?"

"You been askin' Jake about me?"

"It's not your turn to ask questions," he pointed out.

She twisted her mouth a moment, trying to think how much she could say. "Well… when my brother, Dean, died… Sam - my other brother - he didn't take it so well. And I lost someone else 'round the same time. I've been just… movin' around ever since. This is just a stop, same as anywhere."

"Are you leaving again soon?"

"Not your turn," she reminded him. "Now. You been askin' Jake about me?"

"Yes. Are you leaving again soon?"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "That was not a satisfactory answer. And yes, I'm probably gonna be leavin' soon. It's what I do."

"You should stay a while."

Ellie raised a brow. "Should I, now?"

"Yeah." He held her gaze, and somehow the porch seemed a whole lot smaller than it already was.

She looked away first. "Alright. What's your IBS bullshit hidin'?

"It isn't bullshit."

"I call it like I see it." Again their gaze met and clashed.

Embry drank.

"What's the family business?" he asked.

Ellie drank. She wiped the drop of whiskey that had trailed down her chin, feeling his eyes follow the movement and linger at her mouth. "Are you actually scared of me?"

"Terrified. Are you in danger in some way?"  
She hesitated. On a scale of one to Dick Roman… "No," she said decisively. Anything big she was shielded from, and anything small she could take on herself. "Why do you care?"

"You seem nice."

She snorted. "That's a lie. Everyone here hates me. Take a drink."

He obeyed. "They don't hate you," he said quietly after, resting his fingertips against her arm. She hadn't realised how close they'd gotten, drawn in like magnets. "You said it yourself. This is a small town. No one trusts easy."

"Which is why I need to leave," she said.

"You could prove them wrong," he offered, dark eyes fixed on where their bare skin touched. "Stick around a while. Drop the act."

She frowned. "What makes you so sure it's an act?"

He shrugged. "Call it instinct."

"Is it a side effect of IBS?"

His mouth twitched. "Something like that." He looked up, and she was caught again in his gaze.

_What are you _doing, _Eleanor Winchester?_

"Whose turn was it?" she asked, a little breathless.

He kissed her instead of answering, the fingertips that had been on her arm coming to cradle the side of her jaw. She shut her eyes and _melted. _Were nice boys meant to kiss like that? She didn't know. She didn't care. She was beyond, above, soaring-

Forgetting.

_Shit. _

She pulled back and stood abruptly, pressing herself against the railing to get as far from him as possible while she trembled and he looked confused.

"Ellie?" he said softly, hands out as if placating a wild animal.

She shook her head. "I can't. I'm sorry. I- the other person I lost, he's- he was- _important. _So I can't just- I can't. I thought I could, but I can't."

"Okay. Okay, that's fine," he said. "We don't have to do anything. We can just talk."

"You have to go. Now."

"Ellie, maybe we should talk about-"

"You don't know shit, so _just go!" _she exploded, hurting and needing badly to be alone.

"Alright," Embry said, getting up slowly and backing away down the steps. "I'll go. Okay? I'm going. It's fine."

She watched him slip into the shadows with her arms wrapped around herself. Then she snatched up the bottle of whiskey and marched inside to drink until she could shove everything back down again.

It was only when she was twenty minute in that she noticed she still had Embry's jacket around her shoulders. And then she started crying, because it wasn't a trenchcoat, and because it shouldn't have felt so fucking right to kiss someone who wasn't Cas.

*.*.*

_**Then**_

**_circa 2008_**

She met Castiel when she was seventeen, on one of the many occasions that Dean had left her to go on a crusade and Sam had gone to study lore. He looked at her with his fathomless blue eyes and told her that compared to her brothers, her soul was remarkably bright.

"Thanks, I guess," she said uncertainly, fighting the urge to finger the cross she'd taken to wearing around her neck. How did one show reverence to an angel who, by all accounts, was kind of an ass?

"I need your help," he said, grave and earnest at the same time. "Dean listens to you. I need you get him to listen to me."

She shifted uncomfortably. "Look, Dean's a big boy, he probably knows what he's talkin' about if he's sayin' no to you."

"What has he told you?"

"Not much," she admitted. "But I found out anyway. I'm not stupid."

"No," he said consideringly, tilting his head as if to see some tangible evidence of the fact. "You're actually very intelligent. If you'd finished high school you could have been very successful."

She frowned. "Again. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

Ellie sighed. "Castiel, you seem decent. But I think this issue's a lil bigger than me whisperin' in Dean's ear that you're a nice guy. I can't force him to give consent. No one can. No one _should_. This whole apocalypse… it's completely avoidable. They don't have to fight. I won't support my brothers killin' each other."

"No. It's _inevitable_. If you don't try, someone else might," the angel said grimly.

She was about to reply when something bright flashed in the corner of her eye above Castiel. She looked and nothing was there. She frowned.

"Is everything alright?" Castiel asked. It was hard to tell if he was concerned for her welfare or concerned she wouldn't be able to carry out the task he wanted.

"Fine," she said distractedly. "I just… thought I saw somethin' for a second there."

He gave her that tilted, considering stare again. "Interesting."

*.*.*

It wasn't long after that she met Adam for the first time.

She snuck into where they had him holed up at Bobby's after the boys had given up on brotherly bonding.

"Who're you meant to be?" He demanded, rolling his eyes.

"Another bastard," she said bluntly.

He frowned. "What?"

"John Winchester's my father," she said. "And he got my momma killed because of what he was. So I was wonderin' if you wanted to start a club or somethin'. Seein' as we're not Winchester enough to get a full membership to theirs."

He started to grin despite himself. "They tried anyway. I don't think I fit in."

"They mean well," she said. "You and me, we got some wiggle room 'cause we're only halves. They're the real deal, which is why everyone's after 'em."

"Did they send you in to talk to me? Try and talk me out of my destiny?"

"No," Ellie said softly. "But you gotta know it ain't yours. It's Dean's, and he's pushin' it away with both hands. Don't let them force it on you."

"They're _angels," _Adam pointed out.

"The only difference between them and demons is location," she said flatly. "That, and they gotta ask permission before they take over."

"Well, they asked me," Adam said. "_Me. _And I'm going to say yes."

Ellie shook her head. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Because our dad was an asshole with a rotten bloodline," Ellie said. "And if he'd kept it in his Goddamn pants, none of this woulda ever happened."

"_We_ would've never happened."

"Exactly. You wanna start that club now?"

*.*.*

**Sorry not sorry it's been so long. Life is time consuming. Hopefully you enjoy :)**


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thanks to everyone who held in there and somehow waited for the last update! Lucky you because exam procrastination makes me super inspired so you get two chapters in the same month. Unheard of, right?**_

***.*.***

**CHAPTER SIX**

*.*.*  
Dawn broke cold and grey as Ellie sat in the porch chair with a blanket around her, thinking and trying not to think in a very frustrating loop.

Memory was a funny thing.

She could remember all the good times. The times she'd made Dean proud, despite himself. The long talks she'd had with Sam. Sometimes, just sometimes, making Cas forget himself and smile. But they all had a mist over them, ever so finely unfocusing them until they were just on the wrong side of distinctive.

The bad times… well, she could remember those pretty damn clearly.

Losing Dean was one thing. Losing Castiel was another entirely. He had redeemed himself, made himself the Castiel they had trusted again. And then he'd gone and died.

_Not died, _she reminded herself.

_Worse, _a small, vindictive voice in the back of her mind added.

They'd never really gotten around to resolving things properly before then. She hated it. The not knowing. She knew he'd cared for her. Knew he would kill for her, and had. And she for him. But she'd do that for anyone in her little, broken family. And so would he.

Dean's death was like having an axe wound. You knew it was there. It hurt. It was deep. It never took you by surprise. But Castiel was like… a broken rib. Possible to block out if you're not inclined to poke at it. And sometimes, she'd think she was fine, and she'd move too fast and hurt herself all over again.

She needed a distraction. Something else to focus on, other than her thoughts.

_Letty._

The idea came to her and she clung to it like a rope dangling over a sheer drop. She'd go and see Letty, check out how the old woman was doing. Hopefully she'd managed to get her house nice and fixed up.

Mind made, Ellie shoved on some shoes and fresh clothes and wrangled her hair into a ponytail before setting off. She was missing her damn car, but at least she was getting some exercise. Wouldn't do to get fat and lazy. Usually that was code for "dead" in her line of work.

_Your old line of work, _she reminded herself. _You don't do that anymore. _

Sorta.

They really needed to have some kinda rehab programme for hunters trying to rejoin society. It was so much harder than Dean made it look when he swanned off with Lisa.

Dean.

_Stop it. _

She made it to town fast as she tried to outwalk her thoughts. It wasn't working too well, but she'd have someone else to focus on soon enough.

She knocked on Letty's cute door, eyeing up the porch while she waited. No one'd done maintenance on this place in a while, she'd wager. The wood was old and looked soft in places. Letty'd be better gutting the thing and getting new boards to replace it.

The door finally opened and Letty's face just about split in half with a grin when she realised who it was.

"Oh! Ellie! Thank goodness you're alright, I was worried when you didn't come back sooner." The old woman stood back from the door. "Come on in."

"You doin' okay?" Ellie asked as she stepped in, wiping her shoes on the doormat as she did. "Earl not botherin' you anymore?"

"He's gone," Letty said. "He hasn't come back."

"Good," Ellie said. "Anyone ask you any questions?"

Letty frowned. "They suggested I look into a _home. _Like I'd ever go in one of those things."

"Well," she said, looking pointedly at the blackened corner of the kitchen where Earl's original handiwork still stood, "From their perspective, you did set your home on fire twice."

Letty waved a hand dismissively. "I knew all the big men in town when they were in diapers. Charlie Swan can just keep minding his own business, and I'll keep minding mine."

"Fair enough." Ellie glanced again at the charring. "Ever gonna get anyone to fix that?"

"I will, when I find someone who won't go home and gossip about it."

"Alright." Ellie looked away, back to the old woman. "I just came to see how you were. I thought I'd make sure everythin' was okay."

Letty reached out and squeezed her forearm, and she was startled to see the old woman's eyes glossing over.

"I can't thank you enough," she said. "Seeing him like that… well, he _hated_ me… I would've died without you."

"It's fine, Letty," Ellie said gruffly, not sure what to do with the old lady's earnest gratitude. "Saving people. Hunting things. Kinda the family business."

"Your family must be real tough, then," Letty said. "C'mon. Sit a while. I'll make you something. Do you like ham? I've got ham."

"You don't have to-"

"Sit your behind down," Letty said firmly, pointing to the table. "I'm making you a sandwich. And some tea."

Ellie smiled despite herself. "Yes ma'am."

"Now," Letty said, busying herself buttering and slicing, "What do you know about fixing walls?"

Ellie frowned. "Honestly? Know more about knockin' 'em down."

"Would you be willing to give it a crack anyway?"

"What exactly are you offerin' here?"

Letty set the sandwich in front of Ellie and set herself down opposite. "I'm old. My house is old. It needs some fixing. Namely that big ugly thing in the corner. I don't know how bad you're wanting to leave, but if you were thinking of staying a while… well, you could stay here."

Ellie blinked. "Well, I… I mean, I couldn't put you out like that."

"You wouldn't be," Letty said. "It's not like you'd be freeloading. And it'd be good to have some company who doesn't think I'm crazy."

"I think you're plenty crazy," Ellie said. "You're invitin' a stranger into your home."

Letty smiled at her. "I figure that you wouldn't save me just to kill me in my sleep. Now, is that a yes or a no?"

*.*.*

Letty had offered her any room in the house, but Ellie chose the attic. It was high up, it was big enough to fit her bony self, and the ladder would stop the old lady coming up in a hurry.

She dropped her duffle bag on the single bed and dug around in it for her salt canister and the glue. She'd never really had a home to set up a perimeter in before (not counting Bobby's house; that perimeter had probably been there since before she'd been born) but she definitely wanted to make sure nothing could creep in.

She wondered if her mom'd ever thought to salt the thresholds, or if John hadn't shared that particular morsel with her.

A thin line of glue, careful, straight, unbroken. Salt-sprinkled. Dried clear. That's what was gonna protect her. She'd have to find a sneaky way to do it downstairs as well so Letty didn't get caught up in her shit if it ever came to La Push.

She drew a devil's trap under the rug by the door. Then she drew an angel banishing sigil onto the wall, hidden just enough by her dresser, just for good measure.

She dusted the residue of various craft items off her hands and plopped onto the bed.

Something was missing.

She sighed and took out her phone, scrolling until her finger was hovering over Bobby's number. She sure missed that old fool. She needed to delete his number. Weren't much point in keeping a dead man on speed dial, no matter how much she wanted to talk to him. Or Sam. Or Dean. Or-

She switched her screen off and dropped the phone with a huff of frustration, sitting up and itching with the sudden need to go _do _something.

Ellie pulled on her shoes and snuck down the stairs, trying to keep quiet in case Letty had come back.

Out the door, down the street, away from her problems.

She pumped her legs faster in the cold evening air, feeling it bite her skin, scratch her lungs. She welcomed the pain. This had to be healthier than whiskey.

Not that she was ruling out whiskey for good.

She ended up somewhere way outside of town, in the midst of dark trees with legs trembling from exhaustion. She let herself fall to her knees, head tilted up as if in prayer. Except she didn't do that anymore. Not to God, anyway.

_Castiel, _she thought, and she thought it really damn hard, _I hope you can hear me. I hope you're okay where you are. Both've ya._

Then she remembered the hex bag in her pocket, and the fact that praying to people in Purgatory was pointless anyway.

She swiped at her eyes sighed, forcing herself up despite the protest from her rapidly cooling muscles. She had to get back before it got really dark. Knowing her luck, this town had more than just a vengeful spirit and some eccentric residents.

A twig snapping had her pulling her gun from the holster under her hoodie and aiming before she'd even taken a breath.

"Who the hell is there," she said loudly, hands steady and eyes tracking for movement.

A woman in a ripped shirt and cutoff shorts stepped out, hands up and brow cocked. "Easy there, G.I. Jane."

"Who are you?" Ellie demanded.

"Leah," the wild woman said. "Clearwater. You gonna put the gun down?"

"Maybe," she said. Clearwater sounded familiar. She thought it was one of the families Jacob had mentioned. She lowered her gun and coughed out a quick _Christo. _

The woman didn't even flinch, though she did seem a little confused.

"Sorry," Ellie said. "Can't be too careful, little girl like me wanderin' round."

"So don't wander," Leah said flatly. "Look, do you need help finding the road or something?"

"Naw, I got it," Ellie assured her, smiling real nice. "Just ran too far. Had to stop awhile."

"Try not to make a habit of it," Leah said, stepping forward and past her in what was clearly meant as a summons to follow. "You don't know what's in these woods."

"No, I don't," Ellie agreed amicably. "It's funny - no one seems to wanna tell me. I s'pose I'll get to know eventually, seeing's I'm a resident now and all."

"That right?" Leah murmured, eyes still focused ahead as she led them through the trees. "Wouldn't have picked it."

"For now. Letty Peterson is rentin' me a room," Ellie said helpfully. "She's a sweet old thing. Ever met her?"

"No."

"S'a shame," Ellie offered.

"I'm sure." Leah stopped abruptly and pointed to their left. "Road runs along there. Try to follow it, Townie."

"Thanks," she said, smiling real big again. "Look, I'm real sorry about the gun before. I've been travellin' on my own for a while. Met some real sons of bitches, y'know?"

Leah nodded impatiently, attention already drifting back to the woods. "Whatever. Don't come out here again alone, got it? You need local knowledge."

"Alright." Ellie turned to start her long walk back, when a thought occurred to her. "Hey, so what're you doin-"

Leah was gone, melted back into the shadows like she'd never been there at all.

"-here," she finished at a mutter, the hairs on the back of her neck raising as the uneasy feeling within her grew.

Just what was in these woods that everyone in the know seemed so determined to hide?

She started back at a fast walk, mind going furiously, trying to pick up pieced that she might have missed.

Concerned locals, or sinister secret?

She picked up to a run, ignoring her practically dead legs. She'd deal with the consequences tomorrow. Right now she needed to get back to her warded room and the Colt and a place where she could _think _in safety and peace.

*.*.*

"Where're you goin'?" Ellie asked Bobby curiously when she walked in to find him shoving essentials into a duffel bag.

"Got a job," he said shortly. "Aren't you meant to be at school?"

She frowned. "It's the weekend, Bobby. Everythin' alright?"

"It's fine." But his hands were shaking slightly and he looked like he was about a hair away from going to find that whiskey bottle he hid for her benefit. They both knew she knew about it but neither of them have brought it up, and she doubted they ever would.

Only one thing made him crazy like that, and it wasn't a wendigo in the woods somewhere.

"Bobby," she said, all serious, "You're goin' to help them, aren't you? Sam and Dean."

The old man pauses, and sighs. "Someone's gotta look after those eedjits."

"Good," she said. "I'll come with you."

"No," he barks, and the sharp sound made her flinch because Bobby never really got short with her, he just grumbled some and let her do it anyway.

He saw the movement and sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm goin' out with the real possibility of seeing both these boys die for some greater good. I'd prefer it if I could guarantee that wouldn't happen to at least one of you kids."

"Bobby-"

"No," he said again, still firm but not so forceful. "No, Ellie, you're stayin' right here where you're safe. You're gonna live your normal life, and I'm gonna go drag these assholes back from their cosmic destiny. Got it?"

She was _trembling _with how unfair it was, acid clawing at her throat. "I'm _not _stayin' here. You leave me and I'm findin' some way there anyway. Probably get in a lotta trouble on the way. Bein' half-Winchester is pretty much like bein' bait these days, ain't it?"

"Ellie Deyes, you shut your damn mouth and do as you're told," he warned. "If I find you on the road I'm dragging you back by your front teeth, and I won't be takin' the short route."

"Fine. You'll have to knock me out to stop me goin', though." She planted herself in front of him, balanced on her feet even while keeping her posture normal. Bobby was a bag of cats, and she still had no idea where half the booby traps in this house were after living here on and off for a year. "I'm serious, Bobby, I'm _goin'. _You can't expect me to sit here this time. I wasn't there when this whole mess started but I'm sure gonna be there when it ends. I'm not just gonna sit here like some damn _kid _waitin' to see who survives!"

"You are a kid!" Bobby roared, looking angry and all kinds of scared at the same time. "I'm meant to be taking care of you!"

"_My mother_ is meant to be takin' care of me!" Ellie shouted back. "But she's dead, so fat lotta luck there! We ain't even related! Why the hell should my wellbein' mean anything to _you?"_

"Because you're important to me!" He bellowed.

Silence fell like dust motes as she processed this. She'd known he was fond of her, but she'd figured it was more in a _well, can't get rid of her so may as well laugh at her jokes_ kinda way.

"You're all important to me," he said, quieter, drooping slightly and looking older than ever. "You Winchester kids. You're my family, you're all I got left."

Hesitantly, Ellie stepped up and wrapped her arms around him, tucking her face into his shoulder when he returned the gesture.

"You're all I got too, Bobby," she said, muffled slightly by flannel. "That's why I gotta go. I get that y'all want me to have a normal life, I do, but I can't do that. Not now."  
He exhaled and stepped back, gripping her shoulders and staring at her solemnly. "If I let you do this, you're walkin' into your own grave."

She shrugged. "I've walked into worse. I'll be fine. I've helped you before, remember?"

He pressed his lips together and she knew he was trying not to remember, because that'd mean remembering that she helped him kill his undead wife. Or that she'd been there when Crowley came, all those times.

That wasn't counting some of the things she'd seen in this house. The teeth she'd come close to despite Bobby's best efforts. The boys'd been crazy, thinking that leaving her here was safe when they went off to save the world. Nowhere was safe.

"Alright," he said grimly. "Hurry up and pack. We gotta get to Detroit."

*.*.*

Dean wasn't happy to see her. Sam was, in a muted, sad way.

"What'd you bring her here for?" Dean growled at Bobby.

"Boy, she's got as much right to be here as anyone," Bobby said, his tone firm. Ellie was already on her way over to Sam, worriedly cataloguing the circles under his eyes.

"Sammy," she said softly, "You don't look so good."

"I'll be alright," he promised, but his smile was just as sad as his eyes. She hugged him, breathing in his scent and trying to convey all the things that none of them were any good at saying. He squeezed her back just as tight before setting her back on her feet.

Dean came up behind her and pulled her into a half-embrace briefly as Sam turned to Bobby, despite his sour attitude to her presence. "Thought I told ya to stay in school."

"School's for nerds."

He snorted. "You should go home."

"I should. But I won't."

He looked down at her, not from as great a height as Sam, but still a good few inches on her. "You've really got the family masochism down pat, kid."

"Someday y'all are gonna have to stop callin' me kid."

"Someday. Not today."

She nudged him. "You think he can do it?"

Dean sighed. "I don't know. I've gotta believe he can."

"Dean Winchester, believin' in something," she mused. "How peculiar."

"Shut it, kid."

*.*.*

Castiel came to her, after the cemetery.

"I wanted to thank you," he said, in his gravelly voice, "For not letting Dean listen to me."

She sat listless in her room at Bobby's, tucked into a window frame too small for her because it felt like all the world she could handle right then.

"I'm sorry for your loss," he said.

That got her attention, like a dim sound growing closer. She slowly turned her head to look at him, wincing when she again saw the flash of bright light that accompanied him sometimes.

"Which one are you sorry for?" she said after a second. "The one in Hell, or the one who's not returnin' my calls?"

"The one in Hell," he clarified. "Dean makes his own decisions."

"So did Sam, in the end," she said softly. She looked at him, really tried to focus on him. It was as if he wore a veil that shone, just faintly, just enough to make his features less distinguishable. "Why are you here, Castiel? Is it really to give your apologies?"

"Partly," he admitted. "I also wanted to talk to you."

"By all means," she muttered dully. "Talk away." She couldn't remember the last time she'd talked to someone properly. Maybe Bobby, three days ago, before he'd learned to just leave her be.

"You're special, Eleanor. You can see what others can't."

"I can't see _shit," _she groaned, rubbing her eyes. "Especially not right now."

"You can see me."

"A lotta people can see you, Castiel. That's the point of the damn vessel."

"No," the angel said, stepping closer and studying her in that ever-curious way he did. "You can see _me. _Can't you? The brightness. You can see angels for what they are."

"It's just some flashy light," she said dismissively. "Happens with all you angel folk. Mostly when you zap in, must be leftover from that."

"It's our wings," he explained. "You can see them moving when we… _zap in._"

She frowned at him. "So?"

"Can you see anything else?"

Ellie slowly untangled herself from the window and turned to face him fully, still frowning as she tried to put into words what she'd thought until now that everyone could see.

"You're a tad too bright," she said slowly. "It's like a… like a photograph, I guess, but someone's turned the exposure up too many notches. It's hard to see the fine details. You're… well, you didn't used to be so bright before."

Before the cemetery. Before God's resurrection.

"I see."

"Castiel," she said, "What does that mean? I won't… I mean, I'm not special in any way that's important, right?"

_I won't cause a war like Sam and Dean, right? _

_You don't want me for your cause, right? _

"No," the angel said, his blue eyes trained on hers. "You're extremely normal in every other way."

Ellie hesitated, then dared to speak again. "Castiel? May I ask you somethin'?"

"Of course."

"When God was promotin' you…" she paused to swallow the lump in her throat. "Well, did he ever tell you why? _Does _he ever tell _anyone_ why?"

"No," Castiel said after a long pause. "He didn't tell me why."

She nodded and stared at the shoulder of his trench coat, because it was easier than holding his gaze right now. "Guess he doesn't really share his reasons much, huh?"

"He doesn't need to."

"He does," she said, flicking back to his eyes despite herself. "And you damn well know it. Do you know what I've been doin' since Sam died, Castiel? I've been prayin'. No one's answered me yet."

"I did."

"This is you answerin' my prayers?"

He hesitated, because if he'd heard her prayers, he surely knew it wasn't something that was in his power to do.

"Sometimes, things have a way of resolving themselves after a while," he said vaguely. "I wish I could offer more."

"Yeah, so do I," she muttered.

"Eleanor," he said, "You need to be careful when you pray. Heaven is at war. If the wrong person hears you, you could be in danger."

"Alright," she said. "I'll just keep my despair to myself. Nice and tidy that way."

He tilted his head again. "Why are you so sad? This has happened before, in a way."

She smiled at him, because if she didn't, she'd probably cry, and no way was she crying in front of an angel of the lord again. "I can't rationalise it like you can. That's not what humans do. If anything, it's worse this time."

He didn't look like he understood it, but he offered her a curt nod. "I see. If you need to pray, please pray to me. I'll answer if I can."

"Thank you, Castiel," she said softly. "I appreciate that."

With a flash and the faintest sound of flapping wings, he was gone.


	7. Chapter 7

***.*.***

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

***.*.***

**La Push**

**Now**

"Letty," Ellie said while they were clearing up breakfast the next day, "How come everyone keeps telling me to stay outta the woods?"

The old woman hummed thoughtfully. "Well, I guessed it'd be because of the animals."

"Animals?"

"Mm. We have some trouble with them attacking hikers from time to time. Mountain lions, bears." Letty dried her hands on the tea towel. "They're known in the area. Most of the time they leave people alone, but you're better staying out of the woods unless you know the trails."

"I've taken on worse than some bear."

"Other people don't know that, dear. I'm sure they're just looking out for your safety."

Ellie had to concede the point there, but it didn't stop the suspicion niggling in the back of her mind.

Local knowledge. What kind of local knowledge?

She needed a computer. She wished Sam was here, for a moment. He always had a laptop at the ready, and he always knew exactly what to search for.

Well, he ain't here, she thought resignedly. Unless you're plannin' on callin' him and draggin' him back into this mess, better get to work.

*.*.*

The man at the hardware store was mighty helpful, if not ultimately useless when it came to getting the kind of thing she needed.

"I'll call Port Angeles for you," he offered apologetically. "I know the guys there, they have a bigger selection, might be able to sort something out."

Ellie wandered the aisles idly as she waited, noting the placement of various solvents and industrial grade potential weapons.

You never knew when you needed to stock up, after all.

She was just reaching out to touch a length of reinforced rope when someone cleared their throat behind her, making her jump.

"Jesus H. Christ," she swore, turning with a hand on her pounding heart to see Embry standing there, looking amused.

Great.

And he looked gorgeous. What an asshole.

"You gotta give people warnin'," she snapped. "Sneakin' up ain't nice. Why are you here?"

He looked down at the giant bag of potting mix he was holding. "Picking up some things."

She squinted at him suspiciously. "What, you garden?"

"My mom does."

"Good for your mom."

"Yeah…" He hefted the bag more securely. "So listen, about the other night-"

"You really think the best place for this is the hardware store?"

His mouth twitched. "Well, I can't find you anywhere else. Some might say you'd been avoiding me."

She shrugged. "Some might be right."

"Well, I was hoping some would be wrong, since that'd mean you don't like me much."

"Maybe I don't."

"You're wearing my jacket."

Cheeks flaring, she glanced down to confirm that he was right. Shit. She closed her eyes and prayed for mercy.

"This…" she gestured to herself and the jacket. "Doesn't mean anythin'. I was cold, I grabbed the first jacket I saw."

"So you've been keeping my jacket pretty close, then?"

She glared at him. "What're the chances you're gonna drop this?"

"Slim." He adjusted the bag again. "Depending on the chances of you going out with me again."

"Slim," she sniped back. "In fact, here." She shrugged out of the jacket and flung it at him, not caring that it slid straight to the floor. "Take your damn jacket and leave me alone."

He sighed and finally set down the bag, straightening up with the jacket in his large hands to look at her properly. "Ellie, can you please just give me a break here? You don't even have to like me a whole lot. Just stop looking murdery when I'm in the general vicinity and we can take it from there."

"Whaddaya wanna go out with me again for, anyway?" she demanded. "I tossed you out and stole your jacket. What screams second date about that?"

"I like you."

"You don't know me," she shot back. "And trust me when I say this, honey - you're better off not knowin'. So just stop bein' nice. Please. I'm not lookin' for anythin' here, and I'm sorry that I might've made it seem like I was."

"Was he your boyfriend?" Embry said quietly, dark eyes trained on her. "The important person who died?"

Ellie froze for a second.

"He was, wasn't he? I figured as much." He sighed. "Look, I understand grief. I do. And I'm not gonna be the dick who forces someone to date when they're not ready."

"How chivalrous," Ellie managed.

"Here." He pushed the jacket back into her hands. "Looks better on you anyway. Plus my number's on the tag, so if you ever wanna go on that second date, give me a call. I gotta go."

"Where?" she blurted out.

He shrugged. "Can't control myself around you for long periods of time. IBS and all."

"I'm not gonna be here that long," she called after him as he sauntered away with his damn potting mix.

"Yeah, that's what you told Jake last week," he called back over his shoulder.

The store guy came back out, grinning broadly. "Good news! The Port Angeles place has what you need. We can get it in for you, but there'll be a freighting cost…"

"How far's Port Angeles from here?"

"About an hour, maybe hour and a half depending on traffic."

She slipped on the jacket, refusing to look over to where Embry was paying for his purchases at the counter. "I'll just go myself. Got directions to the store?"

"Sure, I'll write them down for you…"

*.*.*

She went around to Jacob's house first, slamming her door and striding toward where she could hear music pouring from the garage.

"Jacob Black," she called over Bon Jovi as she rounded the corner, "I wanna talk to you."

He looked up from where he was bent over a car. "Why are you here? It's not Tuesday."

"I know it's not Tuesday. I wanna talk about your friend."

Quil popped his head up from somewhere. "If you wanna talk about me, Ellie-Bells, do it to my face. It's cool."

"Quil," Jacob said wearily. "We talked about this, man."

Quil smiled cheekily and hunkered back down.

Ellie jerked her head at Jacob and stepped back outside into the cool wind. He came out to join her, wiping his hands on his already dirty pants.

"Y'all been talkin' about me?" she demanded.

"Why would I be talking about you?"

"Embry said you were."

"Thought you weren't talking to Embry."

"I'm not, he told me before, and the fact that you know that means y'all been talkin' about me." She eyed him. "I don't appreciate that a whole lot."

"To be fair," Jacob Black said, squinting up at the grey sky, "Embry Call is one of my best friends, and you're a tourist."

"Technically, I live here now."

"What, with old Letty?"

She glanced at him again. "Small towns, huh? It's not permanent but yes, I am a resident."

"This place grows on you."

"What, like fungus?"

He chuckled. "Something like that."

"Hmm. Sounds fabulous. You're really sellin' it."

"Honey," he said, "You're the one who keeps sticking around. If I didn't know better, I'd say you liked it here."

"Maybe I'm hopin' to get some local knowledge," she said casually, watching him tense slightly before relaxing back into his easygoing facade. "Y'know. So I don't keep getting kicked outta the woods."

"You'd have to stay a lot longer to get to know all the places 'round here," he said easily. "You need someone with you if you're going in those woods."

"You offerin'?"

"Nope." He pushed off the side of the garage and started wandering back inside. "Ask Embry."

She trailed after him. "Very funny."

"I'm serious. Hey, Quil. Quil."

The off-key singing that had been resonating from under a car stopped and Quil rolled out. "No need to shout, Jake."

"Go home, man. You're due for community watch in half an hour."

"Sir, yessir." Quil saluted him.

"Community watch?" Ellie said curiously. "Y'all get trouble here?"

"The police force is based in Forks," Jacob said, getting back to work on his own project as Quil left, whistling cheerfully. "By the time they get here, anything that happened is already over. A group of us make sure we're available if anyone needs help."

"Noble."

"I'm all heart, honey. Now, you wanna tell me why you're still packing heat?"

Damn. She really needed to work on hiding it better. "Still self defense."

"Not so confident about kicking ass all of a sudden?"

Ellie sighed. "Did Embry tell y'all every detail?"

"He can't help it. It just all comes out."

Her mouth twitched. "IBS thing?"

Jacob laughed, the first full-bellied guffaw she'd heard from him. "Something like that. Cut the guy some slack. He's rusty. He hasn't dated in years."

"What's wrong with him?"

"He's holding out."

She wrinkled her nose. "For what? A girl who likes cheap liquor?"

He glanced at her and shook his head. "Damned if I know. You seem like a little shit to me."

"No more'n you are," she retorted. "How Abby puts up with you, I'll never know."

"She's a saint," he said cheerfully. "Plus, I wore her down."

"Is that the strategy 'round here?" Ellie said dryly.

He laughed again. "Something like that."

"Seriously though, Jacob," she said, leaning against the car he was working on. "Give me a little hint here. What the hell is local knowledge and why do people keep spoutin' off about it?"

"Just some tribal stuff," he said offhandedly, eyes focused on his work. "Gotta know it to respect it. Legends. Knowledge of wildlife. Places to go and not go. Things you learn from living here, that's all."

"So all I gotta do is look up bears?" Ellie said doubtfully, playing along. If he wanted to downplay whatever it was he was hiding, fine. She'd figure it out.

"All you gotta do it stay outta places where you can get into trouble until someone can show you how to navigate them," Jacob said. He paused.

"If you say 'like Embry' I'm walkin' out right now," Ellie warned.

"Oh good. I was wondering how to get you to leave so I could work in peace."

"Save it," she said. "I gotta get going anyway. I'll see you Tuesday."

*.*.*

**Sioux Falls**

**Then**

Ellie got a fake ID and went straight to a bar two counties over, where it was outta Sheriff Mill's jurisdiction and there was less risk of being dragged straight home to Bobby.

She got beer, because it was less suspicious of a supposedly twenty-one-year-old to buy beer than it was to buy whiskey in honour of the mostly-deceased family tradition. It wasn't long before a man came sidling up to her. He was handsome, and she was desperate to feel something, so she let him buy her drinks and fuck her in the alleyway after.

It didn't work. She slept in her car and went home the next day in the same rumpled clothes that reeked of alcohol and sex.

Bobby shook his head at her. "I hope you know what you're doing, kid."

"Not a kid," she mumbled, grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge and guzzling it.

"Funny," he said, pushing off the bench and sauntering away to do God knows what. "You're sure actin' like one."

She went again a week later. Different bar, same ID. Again she was approached, but this time they got to a motel first. She kicked him out after and sat on the bed, wishing she smoked or something, because she could do with a vice to take her mind off what a mess she was these days.

And, because the universe apparently hated her that much, that was when Castiel decided to appear.

Ellie stared at him uncomprehendingly, his crisp trench coat at odds with the shabby motel decor. He stared back, frowning.

"What're you doin' here?" she whispered eventually.

"You never called," he said slowly. "It's been weeks. You… you used to pray to me. Before. Have I lost your trust?"

Ellie shrugged. "I'm not sure you ever had it, Castiel."

"You're lying." He cocked his head to the side. "Why?"

She sighed and slumped, suddenly exhausted. "It's what I do now, Castiel. I lie to Bobby, I lie to bartenders. I lie to everyone. You ain't special."

He stepped closer, still frowning. "What happened to you?"

"You know what happened to me. You were there. You saw him jump in that Goddamn hole." The words are battery acid in her mouth and she swallows reflexively against the taste.

"But what did you do?" he persisted, and he was close enough now to reach out and hold her chin, staring into her eyes like he could actually see something behind them. "You've changed."

She jerked out of his grip. "None of your business, Castiel."

He stepped back a little, and she glanced back at him when she felt like she could breathe again.

"Eleanor, I-"

"Don't wanna hear it," she interrupted. "Please. I'm aware enough of what a piece of shit I am without you comin' around to rub it in."

"That wasn't my intention," he said.

"I don't care," Ellie said flatly. "If I need you, I'll call. Until then, leave me alone."

He cast his eyes down. "If that's what you want."

"It is."

She closed her eyes so she couldn't see him leave, opening them long after the sound of his wings had faded away.

*.*.*

She didn't always sleep with someone. Sometimes she just drank, and she woke up in her car with a headache and a dry mouth, her stomach roiling in protest at the amount she'd consumed the night before.

Ellie was careful not to go to the same places often. She usually had to go to two places in a night; one to hustle pool, and one to drink. She had to start going further afield. She didn't come home every morning, and when she did, Bobby was always mad and disapproving.

She hated herself for doing it. But she couldn't stop, because there was always a moment during the nights she went out that she'd forget everything that had happened and she could exist in bliss. Just another dumb kid doing dumb things that made her feel good for a while.

One night she got unlucky.

She'd been drinking at the bar, talking to a guy, when all of a sudden the world took on a sickening tilt. She stopped in the middle of whatever she'd been saying, mouth falling open in confusion.

"You feeling alright?" the guy said, smiling. She thought his name was Leo. Leo the Lion. She giggled. Wasn't that a funny question? Was she alright...

His hands were on her, and then suddenly she was somewhere else dark and he was on top of her and she wanted him to get off because she couldn't remember him asking, couldn't remember saying yes, but she couldn't even move let alone slur together something resembling a no.

Help, she thought dimly, still dazed and numb and disoriented. Her eyes felt dry, like someone had soaked all the moisture out of them. Blinking was about all she could do and even that was hard. Help me. I don't want this. Not this.

And then he was gone, ripped out of her sight. Someone screamed. Something made of rustling cloth was settling over her. It smelt like pine.

"Eleanor," a gruff voice was saying. "Can you hear me?"

She nodded. Maybe. It was hard to tell with all these spinning lights. Was she moving, or were they? She tried, anyway.

Something warm pressed against her forehead, and then it was as if someone had turned a light on in a dim room and she was suddenly aware of everything around her.

Of the man from the bar, who was now on the floor looking very dead. His eyes were gone and blood dripped from his nose and mouth. He'd been smited.

Of the familiar trench coat draped over her, and her askew garments beneath it. That was what smelt like pine, and something else that she couldn't quite think of.

Of the angel who stood with his fists clenching and unclenching, looking like he wanted to bring back the man on the floor just to smite him again.

"Castiel," she said, sitting up and holding his coat to her, and then she stopped, because she didn't know what else to say. She decided to start with the most obvious. "You came."

"Of course I did," he said through gritted teeth. "This… this scum, Eleanor, he…"

She swallowed and looked away from the body, because even dead and maimed, she never wanted to see his face again.

"I was drugged," she said dully. "Wasn't I?"

"Yes."

"And that man, he…"

"Yes."

"And you killed him for me."

"Yes."

She exhaled shakily, pressing her knuckles into her eyes. "Shit."

"I healed you," Castiel said.

She nodded. She wanted to thank him, but she didn't think she had the voice for it. She gestured to the body instead.

"Can you take that thing somewhere else?" she managed.

Castiel vanished for a moment, and when he flashed back, the body was gone.

"Thank you," she said finally, staring at her hands as they clutched his coat in her lap.

"He didn't deserve to live," Castiel said by way of explanation. "And you deserved to be saved."

Ellie looked around, small, broken, and lost. "Where are we?"

"A motel."

She swallowed and stood shakily, feeling the filth of what had happened coating her skin thicker with every second. "Castiel, can you take me home, please?"

"Of course." He touched his hand to her shoulder, and there was a moment of blinding light as he unfurled himself and flew them to her room at Bobby's house.

She swayed at the vertigo for a moment, Castiel's hand tightening on her shoulder as his other came to steady her at the elbow.

"Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," she muttered. She sat on her bed, her pristine bed that hadn't been slept in because she'd been so stupid.

She didn't look at Castiel, but she'd bet her damn hat he was doing that ridiculous head tilt again.

"I'm sorry," she said. "Bet I called you away from somethin' important."

"Not more important that that."

She snorted. "You don't have to be nice, Castiel. Say what you think."

"I am."

"You're not."

"What do you think I'm thinking?"

"That I'm stupid," she said mildly, staring at the chipped polish on her toes. "That I deserved it."

His formal shoes stepped into her view as he edged away from the window. "That's not what I was thinking."

"Should be."

"Do you want me to lie?"

She looked up at him incredulously and he looked so puzzled - he was just always so confused, still a baby in this screwed up human world - that she couldn't help the startled laughter which escaped her.

"No, Castiel," she said, shaking her head. "I don't want you to lie to me. One of us has to keep the other honest, right?"  
"I'm not sure what you mean."

"If we're both lyin', then neither of us has somethin' to strive towards." She stood again, hesitantly, trusting her feet when her head didn't start spinning like a top again. "I gotta take a shower. Will you be here when I'm out?"

He looked upward briefly, as if consulting some kinda celestial clock. "It's possible I will be called away before then."

"Alright. Well… thanks, then."

"That's not necessary."

She reached up and almost touched him on his cheek, close enough for her fingertips to light up from his inner being. He closed his eyes momentarily as if he could feel it, and when he opened them they were blazing blue and searching.

"I mean it," she said. "Thank you. I owe you one." She lowered her hand again, her fingertips feeling oddly bereft, as if she'd just touched a great warmth and now pulled away. Maybe his angel glow thing gave off heat too.

"Eleanor," he said when she was almost out of the room. She looked back over her shoulder at him, standing in his white shirt and slacks. "You can always call me."

"I know," she said, and she wondered as she slipped outta the room whether he, the angel of the Lord with all his might and power, might be a little lonely too.

It was only when she took it off to shower that she realised he'd never asked for his coat back. She'd have to wash it for him, give it back to him some other time.

*.*.*

**I realise this chapter dealt with some hard things, and I'm sorry if that was difficult for anyone. I tried to make it as nondescript as possible because I really hate the fetishisation of rape in texts, and I will never ever support violence of any kind, especially sexual, especially against women. Hope you like the chapter. Drop a review if you're kind.**


	8. Chapter 8

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

*.*.*

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

When Tuesday came, Ellie was working on the kitchen.

"Looks like a real wall," Letty commented as she fussed with her handbag at the kitchen table. "Have you seen my keys, dear?"

"Prolly where you left 'em, on the side table in the sitting room," Ellie said absently, focused on getting the drywall compound as smooth as possible over the patching so the sanding would go easier.

"I always keep them in my bag," Letty muttered distractedly, still rummaging.

"Mmm-hmm," Ellie said. "Check the side table."

Letty disappeared and emerged from the hall a few moments later, holding up the keys. "This doesn't mean anything. I refuse to be the old lady who can't find her keys without help."

"Alright. I won't tell anyone if you don't." Ellie set down her tool and turned to look at Letty properly, taking in the skirt and - Lord, were those heels? She frowned. "Where're you goin', all gussied up like that?"

"I have to go see my lawyer," Letty said. She hesitated, hands looking painfully tight on her handbag.

"What about?" Ellie said, coming to wash her hands off in the sink before the stuff could set on them. "Havin' trouble with tenants or somethin'?"

Letty tittered nervously. "No, no, not that, you're _wonderful. _I just… well…" The little old lady took a deep breath. "I'm looking into making contact with my daughter, if she's still around these parts. I just want to make sure I'm doing it the right way."

"You've never looked into it before now?"

"Howard was alive," Letty said. "And then when he died… I was just so used to pretending it never happened. But ever since Earl, uh, _came back, _I've started thinking about it again."

Ellie dried her hands off and leaned against the bench. "I think it's a good idea, Letty. I hope she's close by."

"I don't know what I'm hoping for," Letty admitted. "Part of me wishes she got out and made her fortune in the world. And part of me is wishing she never left the reservation, even with how awful things were back then. Is that terrible of me?"

Ellie snorted. "Letty, if I could tell you half the things I wish I'd stopped my loved ones from doing just so I could keep 'em around, we'd be here all day. Go on. Go see your lawyer."

"Thank you, Eleanor," Letty said, dabbing at her eyes a little. "Goodness, I'm already a mess and I don't even know anything about her. I'd better get going before I get any worse."

"I might not be here when you get back," Ellie said, "I've gotta go get my car."

"I can drop you, if you wait for me to come back," Letty offered. "It looks like rain today."

"It's fine. I could do with a walk."

"Alright. Stay off the game trails, you hear?" Letty pointed a stern finger at Ellie. "I don't want to come home and find you've been eaten by a bear."

"Yes, ma'am."

*.*.*

She trudged down the road in the rain. What had looked like a dreary day at Letty's had turned into ominous cloud as she approached the reservation. It had downright _poured _when she made up her mind to keep going instead of turning back and taking up Letty's offer of dropping her later.

_Stupid Forks, _she thought. _Stupid La Push. Stupid Washington. _

Stupid _chance of showers _weather report.

Stupid her, really.

A truck pulled up beside her with the window cranked down.

"Are you crazy?" Embry Call shouted from the dry interior of the cab.

Of _course _it was him. Apparently no one else even existed in these parts, just him, because he was quickly becoming the _only person _she seemed to see with frequency.

"Oh, God," Ellie groaned. "Will you leave me alone?"

"Nope. What the hell are you doing?"

"What's it look like?" Ellie replied over the rain, not missing a beat with her stride. Of _course _Embry was here, now.

"I can give you a ride!"

"I don't need one!"

"Yeah, but do you want one?"

She shoved her hair out of her face determinedly. "I'm good!"

"Get in the car before someone hits you because they can't see in the rain and you're _wearing black." _

"Drive on before someone hits you because you're hoverin' around in the middle of the road!"

He braked and Ellie continued on for a few strides before she faltered, turning back. She leaned in the window, glaring at him.

"Why are you so concerned about me all the damn time?" she demanded.

"Why do you do concerning things all the time?" Embry countered. "Come on, just jump in the truck. I'll drop you where you're going."

The dry interior of the truck looked heavenly. Now that she'd stopped, the water trickling down her neck felt even colder. She huffed in annoyance and opened the heavy door, swinging herself up into the passenger seat.

"I'm not warmin' up to you," she warned. "I just prefer you to pneumonia."

He grabbed something from the back and tossed it to her before he eased back into driving, eyes careful on the slippery road. "Where were you headed?"

"Jacob's," she said. "It's car day." She opened up the fabric to reveal a hoodie, ridiculously too big for her and gloriously dry.

"Put it on," he said. "You're gonna freeze."

"I've already got your jacket floatin' around somewhere. You sure you wanna risk the hoodie?"

"You can have all my clothes."

She snorted.

The tips of his ears turned pink and he was suddenly even more focused on the road. "That came out wrong."

Ellie shucked her sodden jacket and pulled on the hoodie, pulling the too-long sleeves up until her hands were free so she could tug her hair out of the collar. She leaned back in the seat and sighed at the bliss that was the ancient heating system on full blast, closing her eyes momentarily to savour it.

"Can I ask you something?" Embry said after a moment.

"I have a funny feelin' you're gonna ask anyway," she muttered, cracking an eye open to glare at him again. "Shoot."

"Why are you so determined to get that car up and running again? You must be staying here a while if you moved in with Mrs Peterson."

"I like havin' an exit strategy," she said, straightening up again. "It's a family thing."

"What, paranoia?"

She let out a bark of laughter, because wasn't that just spot on? "Somethin' like that," she said, amused. "Happens with a family that's seen some action."

"Military, right?"

"Sure."

"What branch?"

"None of your business," she said. "This ain't twenty questions. How come you get to know everythin' about me and all I know about you is that you have irritable bowels and your uncle owns a bar?"

He snorted. "That's 'cause I wanna get to know you, and you avoid me like the plague."

"I wouldn't get in the car with the plague."

"So what, you don't hate me?"

Ellie glanced at his profile, then looked away out the window. "Hate's a strong word. I don't have strong feelin's of any kind for you."

"Ouch."

It was her turn to snort. "What, you want me to say that we locked eyes and my world changed? Honey, you're not as important as you think you are."

*.*.*

Abby had made scones. A mountain of scones. Real, sweet scones, oozing butter and still steaming.

"I hope they're alright," she said as she placed them on the table in front of her waiting audience. Quil immediately took five and started loading them up with jam and cream.

Embry smacked him on the back of the head. "Say thank you, idiot, or Jake'll skin you."

Quil muttered something that might have been thank you through a thick mouthful. Ellie wrinkled her nose.

"Where's Jacob, again?" she asked pointedly, reaching for one herself. She'd been ushered in and sat down with these two chuckleheads and some guy named Paul before she'd been able to get a read on the situation.

Abby flapped her hands dismissively. "He's gone on some errands, he said he'd be back in time to fix your car so don't you worry." She beamed at Ellie expectantly.

Ellie took a reluctant bite and had to stop herself from moaning. Abby baked the food of the gods and served it on sensible white platters.

She grabbed another one.

Embry chuckled. She glared at him.

"Haven't had Abby's baking before, right?"

"Embry Call, you leave her alone," Abby called from the kitchen sink. "Get yourself some scones and stop being a pain."

Quil snickered. "You got told off by Abby. Again."

"Quil, I know you aren't talking with your mouth full again!"

"M'not!" He protested.

Paul glanced at Ellie. "So who're you again?"

"No one," she said automatically. "Just passin' through."

"Ellie here's been fixing up the Peterson house," Embry said.

"You know how to fix houses?" Paul asked, raising his eyebrows.

"I spent a lotta time with my brothers and my uncle when I was a teenager," Ellie said. "I know a thing or two about fixing things."

"Not cars," Quil said.

"I was more interested in fightin' than motors," she said lightly. "My uncle tried to teach me, but I never took to it like my brothers did."

"You can fight?"

"Yessir. Used to be state champion when I was younger." She sipped the tea that Abby had placed in front of her. "Don't do competitions now. Been out too long."

"Oh, in Louisiana? That's amazing!" Abby came to sit at the table. "What did you used to do?"

"Mixed martial arts."

Paul whistled. "Embry, my man, you better back off this one before she gets mad."

"That's what _I_ told him," Ellie said, a smile curling up at Embry's wounded look.

"State champ of mixed martial arts?" Paul said, leaning closer. "No shit?"

"No shit." Ellie sipped her tea again. Maybe it was showing off a little, telling them that, but she could hardly whip out the _my entire family is either dead or pretending I don't exist _story every time she came for tea.

"How'd you get into that?"

She shrugged. "My dad was touring. Saw a lot of bad shit. Wanted me to be able to take care of myself if I needed to. Obviously it's not great against bullets, but hell, that's what guns are for right?"

Everyone's eyebrows went up another notch.

Ellie didn't really want to admit to herself how much fun it was to shock them. It'd been awhile since she'd hung around anyone who was surprised by violence.

"You shoot?" Abby said faintly, clearing her throat after as if she'd just had something in it blocking her voice.

Ellie glanced at her, realising she might have gone a bit far. "I can," she said after a moment. "If I need to." She'd been the sharpshooter of their little team for a while there, actually, much to Dean's chagrin. She'd taken to it like a duck to water. Not the shooting things part, that was always kind of hard because most of them looked human, but the actual _shooting _and _hitting the target _part was always easy for her.

Paul laughed. "Damn, you're a menace."

Embry was squinting at her like he was trying to solve something. She turned away from his gaze uncomfortably.

"I'm not all that bad," she mumbled, the thrill of shocking them wearing off. She picked at the crumbs on her plate. "I'm done with that stuff now, anyway."

Quil snorted. "Yeah, that's why you're packing heat most've the time."

Her head jerked up to stare at him. "And how," she said lowly, "Do you know about that?"

He faltered. "Oh, uh… Jake told me…"

"Jake sure has loose lips," she said grimly. "Regular chatty Cathy."

"The boys are real close," Abby said placatingly. "We don't keep secrets 'round here."

_Sure you don't, honey. _

"Right." Ellie ran a hand through her hair, feeling very trapped all of a sudden. "I, uh… I'm just gonna get some air." She shoved her seat back and fled the kitchen, stealing outside to stand under the porch as the rain teemed down just beyond the tin roof. She slumped against the house and let her head fall back, taking deep breaths.

The rain sounded like she had imagined Heaven. Pure, white noise, plunking down heavy and making the porch an island.

She shouldn't have told them all that. _Showin' off, _she thought ruefully. Never could help it.

The door opened.

Not quite an island, then.

"You're kinda flighty," Embry said. "For someone who handles guns."

She snorted. "I'm not _flighty." _

"You are."

"I'm not."

He leaned back against a post, facing her. "You are. You're always running away."

She slid down to sit. "Maybe y'all are scary."

"You don't seem like the type to get scared easy."

Her lips twitched. "You'd think so."

"So," he said, "You don't much like talking about you past, do you?"

"I don't mind it."

"But you never give out any real details."

She glanced at him. "I told you I was a state champ. That's a detail, ain't it?"

"What kind of military work did your family do?"

"None of your business," she said automatically.

He looked at her. Ellie's mouth twitched again.

"We already played truth or drink," she said.

"Yeah. And you drank."

"As did you." She ran her hands through her hair. "So we're both liars by omission, and I like runnin' away when I get uncomfortable. Which, I might add, you do too."

"I did not."

Ellie snorted. "You hurdled a car the first time you saw me."

"Yeah, well, I got over it." He came and slid down beside her, making her tense. "You know, I seem to recall you having a theory."

"What theory?"

"About exposure to things you're scared of."

She groaned. "I hate when people use my words against me."

"It's your own fault."

"Yeah, I got that one." Ellie glanced at him sideways, feeling his body heat seeping into her side despite the good inch or so of space between them. "You're like a Goddamn furnace, you know that?"

"You saying I'm hot?"

She snorted. "When did you get cocky?"

"I've always been a little shit, I just tried to hide it so you'd like me."

"How's that workin' out?"

"About as well as you getting on with the locals." He stood and offered her his hand. "C'mon. We're not that bad. Come be normal."

She laughed. "I've tried that before."

"So…" Embry reached forwards and clasped her hand in his warm one, pulling her upright easily. "Try again. Easy."

*.*.*

_**Sioux Falls**_

_**Then**_

She had nightmares. Terrible nightmares where she couldn't move, couldn't speak, couldn't do anything but _watch _as horrible things happened to her and the people she loved. It didn't make sense, because she'd been through so much and this - _this - _was apparently what would break her.

This thing, that she hadn't told anyone about. This thing that happened to her and that she was trying to forget. This thing that kept popping up every time she opened her eyelids.

She woke up one night drenched in sweat and ran out into the cool night, sitting on the hood of one of Bobby's many unfixed cars with a handgun and a head full of pain. She wasn't sure who the handgun was for. She told herself it was in case someone snuck up on her.

Not for her. No, she wasn't crazy like _that. _No sir.

But she kept her hand on the gun and the possibility that she could, she _could _just stop here and end it, kept her just comforted enough not to actually try it.

"Castiel," she whispered aloud into the vast emptiness of the night. "I wish I prayed to you when I was happy, but I don't seem to be happy much anymore. I don't know what I'm doin'. I'm tryin' to be better for Bobby, tryin' not to drink, tryin' to be the kind of person Sam and Dean would like if they were here to see. But I can't. I think I'm too broken. So I was wonderin' if y'all fixed minds as part of your magic."

The night didn't answer her back. She bowed her head and pressed her lips together, hands clenching on the gun.

"It's not magic," Castiel rumbled from beside the car, and her hand had already swung up to point the gun at him before she realised who it was.

She faltered, lowering it. "Shit. Sorry."

He didn't reply, watching her instead. She thought that given how much he studied her, maybe he liked unpredictable things. Maybe 'cause Heaven had been so strict up until now, he liked the variety of humanity.

_Still, _she thought, _ain't nobody like havin' a gun pulled on 'em. _

"I didn't know if you would call," he said after a moment.

She swallowed, slightly regretting it already. She'd forgotten how intense he was. "I wasn't goin' to. Thought you might be busy."

"I was."

"Sorry to bother you, then." She looked at him closer in the dim and frowned, seeing something dark against his light. "Did you get hurt?"

"I'm in a war," he said wearily. "I was fighting."

"Then why'd you come here for?"

"You asked," he said, frowning. "I told you I would come, if I was able."

"But _why?" _she pressed, leaning forward on the hood to scrutinize him for a change. "Why me? I've never been the one with a cosmic destiny. What makes me a priority now?"

He glanced away, his frown deepening. "I… can't answer that."

"Why not?"

"I don't know the answer yet."

She sat back again. "Is it 'cause I can see you?"

He looked back at her.

Ellie reached out her hand again, same as she had the other time, but this time she stopped short of the blurry edge that barely contained him, hesitant to touch it. "It's you, isn't it? Not your vessel, but… actually you. I reached out, and I touched you, like you were some tangible thing."

"I've been wondering how that happened," he said softly, very still. "But that isn't the reason, I think."

She moved forward infinitesimally and he caught her, not too firm, but enough to stop her as his larger fingers wrapped around her slender wrist. The contact tingled slightly, warm on the skin.

"Why couldn't I do that before?" she asked quietly. "Why're you so much brighter now?"

He sighed, bringing her hand down until he could set it in her lap. "I've been wondering how that happened, too. I believe that Father resurrected me, but He did not resurrect me as I was. I'm stronger now."

"Are you the angel _of _anythin', Castiel?"

He blinked. "I'm an angel of the Lord."

"Naw, like…" she tried to think of examples. "Gabriel. He's the messenger. What's your job?"

Castiel shrugged. "It's as I said. I'm an angel of the Lord. My purpose beyond that is shrouded. I had thought it was to serve Heaven by carrying out His will, but I have come to realise that my Father left Heaven long ago."

"So do you serve God, then?"

"It's difficult to say, without knowing His wishes."

Ellie sighed. "Well, guess that makes two of us tryin' to live up to a family legacy. You're probably doin' better than me."

He glanced down at the gun. "I see."

"I wasn't gonna," she protested, albeit weakly. "I just… wanted to know I could. If I needed to."

"Why would you need to?" He tilted his head as if the new angle would bring him insight.

She put the gun down beside her, the cool metal suddenly not as comforting when Castiel was blazing in front of her. "Us stupid humans are fragile. Surely you must know _that_ by now. Sometimes, we can't take any more of what life has to give. So I guess death don't seem all too bad by comparison."

"You would prefer death?" he asked, seeming genuinely startled.

She wrapped her arms around herself. "It's not that simple, Castiel." How could she explain that if she were to give up, to rest eternally, she might finally get respite from her nightmares?

Slowly, he came to rest on the hood beside her. His hand rested tentatively on her shoulder, warm and bright against the ugly dark in and around her.

"Tell me how I can help you," he said.

"I just want some sleep," she whispered. "And my brothers, but I don't think I'll be gettin' them back anytime soon."

His hand withdrew, and when she looked, he appeared conflicted.

"Castiel?" she said, confused.

He glanced up, composing himself again. "I'm sorry. I can help you with the sleep, if you like."

She imagined sweet, dreamless sleep. It was so beautiful she thought she might cry.

"Can I be in my bed before you zap me?" she requested, and it was no sooner out of her mouth than their surroundings lit with the glow of Castiel's wings. When she blinked it from her vision, they sat upon her bed.

"I've got somethin' I need to give back to you as well," she said, clambering up and grabbing the light-coloured fabric from the shelf. "Here. Your coat."

He took it from her slowly, as if it were an unexpected gift. "Thank you."

She tucked her hair behind her ears, fidgeting. "S'nothing." She crossed back to the bed and slipped between the sheets as Castiel came to stand by it again, this time looking himself in his long coat.

He reached out for her forehead, but this time it was she who clasped his wrist before he could do anything. The contact with his bare wrist made her skin tingle and she couldn't help but smile a little at the role reversal.

"Thank you, Castiel," she said softly. "I mean it. You're more than an angel of the Lord. You're _good. _To me and my family." She withdrew her hand and settled back again. "Alright. Go on, work your magic."

He hesitated momentarily before he touched his fingertips to her forehead, and for the first time in weeks, Ellie slept deeply.

*.*.*

"Mornin'," she said to Bobby as she came into the kitchen, feet bare and hair still a little mussed from sleeping.

He glanced up from whatever lore he was reading, eyebrows raised. "Kid, it's two in the afternoon."

She blinked. "Naw. Can't be that late."

"Look for yourself," he said, nodding at the clock on the wall. Sure enough, it was a little past two. She looked outside and noticed for the first time the golden Dakota sunshine that came in after high noon, the brightness before the shadows started to stretch.

"Would you look at that," she murmured, shaking her head. Whatever Cas did must've knocked her out more than she thought. She felt completely refreshed. She grabbed some bread and plunked it in the toaster, leaning over the counter to see what Bobby was looking at while he drank what was probably his third cup of coffee today.

It was a paper, not the lore she'd originally thought. Three grisly deaths, suspicious circumstances, about an hour out from here.

"Ten bucks on it bein' a witch," she said.

"How'd you figure?"

"Got a feelin' about it."

"Well," he said, setting the paper down, "I have some hunters on the case, so I'll let you know."

"Who?"

"Family group. Big. Old. Kinda stuck up, but they're damn good."

"Hmm." Ellie snagged her own cup of coffee and the now-popped toast, spreading butter and jam on it. "How come I never heard of 'em before?"

He shrugged. "Never asked."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "Bobby Singer, you are not nearly as sneaky as you think. If you don't wanna tell me who it is, just say so."

"Fine. I don't wanna tell you who it is."

"Why?"

He frowned. "Cause I _don't."_

Sensing an impending Singer temper tantrum, Ellie pressed on anyway. Bobby always revealed more when he was in the heat of the moment.

"Why are you bein' so secretive?" she demanded.

"Why do you care?" Bobby challenged. "You've been running away from all this for months."

"You never wanted me to be part of it anyway!"

"No, I didn't. I still don't!"

"Come on, Bobby," she wheedled. "Just tell me the damn name."

"No."

"Bobby-"

"Damn it, Ellie, I'm keepin' this to myself for your own good!" Bobby snapped.

"Why?"

"Because, if I tell you who's in it, you'll wanna go chasin' after them!"

She sat back, victorious. "So _that's _it. Alright, let's think about this one… people I wanna chase after… well, Adam's in the cage, as is Sam, Dean is in the suburbs… unless - no." She frowned. "Bobby, don't tell me Dean's huntin' again."

Bobby sighed. "It's not Dean."

Her frown deepened, wrinkling her forehead. "Then who is it? S'not like I got a boyfriend I wanna run after. Who else is so damn important?"

"Leave it, Ellie."

"But-"

"I said _leave it," _Bobby interrupted firmly, giving her the look that meant he wouldn't be budging anytime soon.

She nibbled on her toast, trying to think who on Earth it could be.

*.*.*

**And there we go, another chapter for your viewing pleasure. Don't forget to review/follow/fave if you haven't already :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**_Thanks so much to everyone who added to faves/alerts last time! Thanks to my reviewers as well. You guys are putting some thought into what this could become, which is great, but you'll just have to wait and see if any of your predictions come true sorry. I'm churning out chapters as fast as I can but I'm starting my next semester at uni and picking up more shifts so this may drop down a few notches in my priority list when compared to things like rent and grades. Speaking of..._**

**_Alright. So, for anyone who's read my other story 'Gravity' and is now wondering why I'm putting so much effort into this one over that one, I'm going to break it down for you here. I started that fic when I was maybe 15 and I hadn't developed my writing style into what it is today. I also started it without a proper plot because I just wanted werewolf fluff. Every chapter is a lot harder to write than AD because they're huge in size (about 10,000 words is the general aim, which is a LOT to sit down and work on) and because I'm continually having to go back and fact check chapters I wrote four years ago to try and cover up massive holes in the original plot. Yes I will finish that story eventually, but while I'm busy as hell with life and uni and things like that, I'm going to work on one with the plot already laid out nice and neatly. This one. Sorry._**

***.*.***

**CHAPTER NINE**

***.*.***

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

When Jacob finally made it home, he went straight to the garage. Ellie watched him jog from his truck to the structure and saw the light go on inside.

"He'll probably be finishing up," Abby piped up from beside her, noticing her gaze. "He knows you're waiting."

"He's been gone a while," Ellie commented. "Must've been some errand."

"Jake's dad is kind of a big shot around here," the other girl explained. "Jake does a lot of community work on his behalf. All the boys do. It's great."

Quil and Embry had dropped off earlier to go somewhere, Embry reluctant and Quil practically buzzing with energy. They'd been kinda vague as to where they were going. _Community work. _And off they went.

_Stop bein' so suspicious, _she told herself sternly. _Maybe this is just a nice little town with great community spirit. _

"It's not amazing, it's exhausting," Paul grumbled, before she could delve deeper into _that _thought.

"What's so exhausting about it?" Ellie said, turning away from the window to engage with him again.

He shrugged. "Lotta physical labour. I could be sleeping instead."

"Oh, hush," Abby scolded, "You love it."

"It grows on you," he allowed.

Ellie snorted, making the two of them look at her questioningly. "Sorry," she said, "I've just been hearin' that a lot lately."

Abby smiled. "Well, is it working yet?"

"I don't put down a lotta roots," Ellie said, offering a somewhat apologetic smile so they didn't think she was insulting their strange little town. "Don't let much grow on me, neither."

"More of a rolling stone?"

Ellie shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to go too far into how different she was from these people again. "Somethin' like that."

"Well, that's a shame," Abby declared. "Because I like you, and I _insist_ that you come around for dinner sometime before you go if you decide you have to leave."

Ellie raised her eyebrows. It wasn't really an _if _so much as a _when. _"I'm gonna leave. I just have some things to do first."

"Like what?" This from Paul, who was eyeing her curiously.

Ellie shrugged. "Well, I gotta fix the old lady's house. She's been real nice to me, so I figure I'll finish that up first and then hit the road again."

"Where're you headed?"

She eyed him right back, the old hunter paranoia rearing it's head at the perfectly innocent sounding question. "I dunno. Maybe work my way down the coast. Go to Mexico. Go further. Go back. Anywhere with a road really."

"What happens when you get sick of travelling?"

"Not gonna happen," Ellie said, glancing out the window again rather than meet his gaze. "Long as I've gotta car and gas in the tank, I ain't stoppin'."

Abby's gaze darted between them. "Well," she said, "That sounds exciting. Mexico, though… that's pretty rough for someone travelling alone."

Ellie shrugged again. "It's just an idea."

"Ellie can handle herself," Paul said. "She's a ninja."

"That's not really the right terminology," Ellie mumbled.

"She can kick ass," he continued. "You're just jealous that you can't get Jacob to take you to Mexico."

Abby rolled her eyes. "I do not need to go to Mexico. Jake spoils me plenty right here. Besides," she leaned casually against the table, splaying her ring hand. "I already made him promise to leave Washington for our honeymoon. You can only push the man so far."

Paul snorted. "So what, you're going to Canada on foot?"

"We are not going to Canada," Abby said firmly. "I am going at _least _to California after we get married. If Jacob wants to celebrate our honeymoon with me, he can tag along."

Paul laughed. "I'll let him know."

"Oh, he knows."

Ellie sat back and let their conversation wash over her, playing with her empty mug. It was kind of nice. Not really something she could see herself getting involved with, but it was kinda nice. Maybe someday, when she didn't have nightmares and her scars faded and she wasn't always watching over her shoulder, she would be able to think things like honeymoons were important.

God help her if she ever tolerated tea parties in her kitchen.

The porch creaked, and then Jacob was pushing the door open and ducking inside. His eyes lit up when he saw Abby, as if she were the sun in the center of his everything.

"Hey, beautiful," he greeted her.

"Hi, Jake," Paul said dryly from the background of their moment.

"Shut up, Lahote," Jacob said good naturedly. He glanced at Ellie. "Your car's ready. Guess you can be on your way sooner than you thought."

She smiled. "Thanks. I owe you one, Jacob Black."

Jacob snorted. "Honey, you owe me about five."

"I'll only redeem the one, so choose wisely." Ellie caught the keys as he tossed them to her. "Well, guess I'd better mosey on home. Thanks for the food, Abby."

"Don't be a stranger," the sugar-sweet girl said kindly, smiling at her.

"I'm sure you'll see me 'round," Ellie said, reluctant to actively make plans with these people. Or promise to make plans in the future.

Jacob didn't say a word.

***.*.***

Ellie shoved her shoulder into Letty's front door when it stuck from the damp, noting that the old lady's truck had yet to return. Strange. Did lawyer visits usually take that long? She didn't really know. It took a tad more legitimacy than a Winchester could muster to attain a lawyer that wasn't court-appointed.

"Letty?" she called, just in case.

Nothing.

She locked the door behind her and trailed upstairs, stopping in her tracks to squint at the ceiling. The hatch for the attic entry was slightly ajar. Had she left it like that? She felt instinctively for her gun, cursing quietly when she remembered she'd left it at home to save another argument with Jake. Someone might be up there, with her weapons, with the _Colt_, and all she had was a lousy switch blade. Great. _And _there was literally no way to sneak up on someone if you had to pull down the damn ladder to get into the room.

_Well. Nothin' for it, _she thought grimly, reaching up with one hand and drawing her knife with the other. The ladder came down with an audible creak that made her cringe. She stepped up and poked her head in slowly, surveying the room. Looked empty. Cautiously she stepped further up, head whipping around and knife in hand.

Empty.

She glanced down and checked the salt lines. Still intact there. She went to the windows and saw that they were intact there as well, little dried lines of salt-drenched glue almost invisible against the frame.

So, not a demon then. But someone had been in her room. She could see it in the way her drawers weren't flush into their settings, the way her duvet was wrinkled in the corner as if someone had flipped it up to see what was underneath. She crossed to the closet and threw the doors open, looking up at the shelf that ran across the top.

Her duffel bag had been moved. It had been on the left, and now it was on the right. _Shit. _She pulled it down and rummaged through it. Shotgun, other gun, knives, Colt, ammunition, rock salt, holy water… all there and accounted for.

But someone had been here. Someone had _seen _everything. Someone who knew to come up to the attic, who waited for her to go out, and who at least made an attempt to tidy everything after. If she wasn't so specific with how she left her room - you learnt how to set up your stuff when you lived in motels with shitty locks - she wouldn't have noticed.

She'd be willing to put ten bucks on Jacob, or one of his companions. Twenty. Hell, a hundred.

God, she was so _stupid. _Letting her guard down, eating their Goddamn scones and making Goddamn _small talk. _All so she was outta the way, and they could go looking through her business.

She threw Embry's hoodie across the room with a frustrated yell, the contents in the pocket making a muffled thump as they hit the wall.

"Stupid, stupid, stupid…" she berated herself, running her hands through her hair and catching them in the tangles that had formed after the rain. "Errands. Runnin' _errands._ And how many damn times have I used _that _excuse?"

Her phone rang and she froze for a second. No one had her number._No one._ She called people. People didn't call her. That was why she'd gotten the new phone. Clean break. No more hunters, no more demons, no more anything or anyone from that life.

It kept ringing. She let it go to voicemail. It started ringing again after a minute.

She strode over and fished it out of the hoodie, noting the crack in the screen with displeasure. She didn't recognise the number, but then she only had three saved and she doubted she'd get a call from any of them.

She lifted the phone to her ear. "Jessica speaking," she said, tucking her accent in as best she could.

"Ellie! Oh thank God, don't hang up-"

"Wrong number," she said flatly, pressing the end phone started ringing again straight away. She took the battery out and let the pieces fall on her bed.

How the Hell did _Garth _get her number? No one had it. _No. Damn. One. _This was a whole new number. No link to any aliases, she'd paid for it with cash… She didn't even have a plan. It was prepaid.

"Doesn't matter," she muttered to herself, her hands tugging on her hair again. "Doesn't matter one little bit, he prolly just has a job, and you don't wanna job. Pull yourself together, Winchester."

_Shit. _She was meant to be a Deyes again now, wasn't she? No more hunting. No more monsters. No more Winchesters of any kind. That's what she'd promised herself.

_Calm down. Calm the Hell down._

She forced herself to take a couple deep breaths, eyes closed. Then she re-tied her hair, changed out of her still-slightly-wet clothes, and went back downstairs to see if the wall compound was dry yet.

She'd make sure to watch her back more, now that she knew someone was keeping tabs on her.

The compound would probably need another day in this humid weather, so she packed up the tools for today into the corner to make it easier for Letty. When she got home. Eventually.

Still unsettled, she put the coffee pot on and drummed her fingers on the countertop restlessly. The rain had stopped but a haze remained, deepening the dusk that was already approaching.

Ellie got out a frozen pizza and threw it in the oven. Hopefully Letty didn't mind. Truth be told, Ellie was an awful cook, and frozen pizza was probably the only thing in Letty's immaculate kitchen - well, immaculate aside from that one patch of wall - that she didn't have to risk making from scratch.

She didn't even go near chicken anymore after the Incident. It was safer to stick to red meat and potatoes if she had to cook something. Or safer still to go to a diner.

Finally, headlights shone through the windows and Ellie glanced out to see Letty's truck in the driveway.

The old woman took her sweet time getting to the door, but she passed over the salt lines just fine and Ellie's shoulders relaxed a fraction. She hadn't been kidnapped by a demon, then.

Funny how that was her first assumption when someone went missing.

"Letty?" she said, noticing that the old woman looked a little shaken as she slid into a kitchen chair. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Letty said, swallowing. "Dear, would you get me the whiskey from the top cabinet?"

Ellie complied wordlessly, pouring a small measure and sliding it over to Letty. She sat down opposite the other woman, trying to catch her eye.

"I have her name," Letty said after a long silence and a few sips. "It's Susan. I never knew that. I never let him tell me."

"You never knew the name of your baby?"

"I had to give her up," Letty whispered. "I didn't want to name her like she was mine and then give her to some stranger to raise. I didn't want to think about her, once Earl was gone."

"You were scared," Ellie deduced, tipping another measure into the old lady's glass.

Letty smiled at her gratefully, her frail fingertips resting on the glass as she stared into its amber depths.

"What else did you find out?" Ellie prompted.

Letty shook her head. "Not much. The name was… it was enough for now. They need time to find out where she is and get in touch with her, anyhow."

"I could ask around," Ellie offered. "I know people on the reservation. I could see if they know any Lahotes named Susan."

"The Lahotes were a big family," Letty said. "Earl had four brothers and a sister. And cousins besides. And…" She hesitated, playing with her glass again.

Ellie leant back, appraising the woman. "You need more time."

"I do," Letty confessed. "I want this, I do, but it just seems so strange to have a daughter after all these years pretending I didn't. Besides, she'll probably hate me once she finds out what happened to her daddy."

"That wasn't you, Letty," Ellie said gently, reaching over to squeeze one of her hands. "You didn't kill him. You didn't make Howard do it either. So don't you go beating yourself up."

"You're about forty years too late, dear," Letty sighed.

Ellie sighed. "Look, my momma died when I was fifteen. There's these things called shifters, they can take on other people's forms… anyway, my dad pissed a bunch of'em off and they couldn't track him down, so they decided to do the next best thing and track down his family. They killed her and they damn near killed me. I spent _years _angry at my dad for that. He didn't kill her, but he may as well've in my eyes. And then I realised one day that I couldn't be angry, because even though I lost the woman who'd raised me and loved me, I gained my brothers and my uncle."

"Oh, honey," Letty said. "I don't know if my situation can compare to what you've been through."

"It can," Ellie said. "Look, your daughter - Susan - she never even knew her dad. But here she is, gainin' a mom on top of the one she already had. She might not like it at first, but she'll come 'round. Family's family."

Letty hesitated. "You think?"

"I do."

The old woman took a sip of her drink. "Ellie? What were your brothers like? You talk about them, but you never really say much."

It was difficult to decide where to begin, or to end. There was so much to say when it came to Sam and Dean. Sam was smart. Dean was smart too, but he acted dumb. Then there was Adam, who'd only been a brief flash of companionship but in whom she'd found a kind of kindred spirit. Her brothers were - _had been _\- maybe still were, if Sam hadn't killed himself on some hunt - crazy. And she loved them. And she missed them.

"Well," Ellie said, "I had three of'em, but I only really knew two. Sam and Dean used to take me on the road with them sometimes. Dean was so overprotective. Sam too, but Dean was worse. He was so furious the first time I dropped outta school that I went back a few weeks later to re-enrol." Her lips quirked up at the memory. He had been _mad. _He'd always had such high hopes for her, once he came around to having her as a sister. "'Course, I dropped out for good not long after, so he may as well've saved his breath."

"You never finished school?"

"It was too hard for me to be with my family and be in school," Ellie said. "You can't deal with Heaven and Hell and then turn around and deal with algebra."

The old woman's eyes were saucers. "Heaven and Hell are real?"

Ellie grimaced apologetically. "Probably shouldn't've mentioned that."

Letty goggled at her. "I think I'm gonna need another drink, dear."

"Pizza first," Ellie said firmly. "I don't need you keelin' over on my watch."

*.*.*

_**South Dakota**_

_**Then**_

Ellie threw herself back into training once she'd had a few nights sleep. She woke up early, ran, fought, practised with weapons. By midday she would be soaked in sweat and aching, but it felt good to be working toward something again.

Bobby'd noticed the change in her demeanor and timetable.

"What, you training for nationals again?" he'd asked irritably after her morning round with the punching bag had woken him.

"Not funny," she said, panting as she continued her assault.

"You tryna kill yourself, then? Work yourself to death?"

Ellie slugged the bag again and caught it when it came back, stilling it so she could look around at Bobby.

"If I wanted to kill myself," she said as evenly as she could with her heart still racing from the exercise, "I would get a gun. Or a garden hose and one of your crappy cars. I wouldn't be out here punchin' and kickin'. So lay off, would ya?"

"Didn't realise you'd thought it out so well," Bobby muttered.

"Yeah, you did," she replied, assuming her stance again. "That's why you started hidin' the guns and keys. You need better hidin' places, by the way." Her leg snapped up to hit the bag. Again. Again. Focusing on form. Power. Breathing.

"Yeah, well… you were lookin' like a flight risk." Bobby took a step down. "Can you stop that for one Goddamn second?"

Ellie stepped back from the bag again, glancing at Bobby. "What, you wanna talk?"

"I wanna know if you're okay or if this is some new coping mechanism."

"Who're you to judge on coping mechanisms?"

Bobby sighed. "Kid, I've done just about all a person can do to run away from their problems. I don't want you to have to live like that."

"How am I _meant_ to live, Bobby?" Ellie said, exasperated. "I dropped outta school twice. You won't let me hunt. This is all I can do right now. This is all I have that I'm _good _at."

"You could go back to school."

"Bobby…"

"You could," he urged. "You were almost there. You could finish, I'm sure they'd make an exception."

"I'm not goin' back," she said flatly. "I was failin' anyway, Bobby. That's what happens when you drop everythin' to go cross country with your brothers."

"You're eighteen," Bobby said exasperatedly. "What're you gonna do without a high school diploma?"

"Marry rich."

"Be serious, kid."

"Stop callin' me kid and maybe I will." Ellie stretched, feeling her muscles tensing now that she wasn't moving. "I ain't goin' back to school, so you can get that idea outta your head right now. Dean couldn't make me stick to it and neither can you. Besides, I'm nearly nineteen. I ain't exactly gonna blend in with them."

"You're refusing because you're _embarrassed?" _

It wasn't because she was embarrassed. Well, alright, it kinda was. But she'd hated that school right from the start. She'd been older than everyone because she'd missed so much time being on the run. She'd been dumber than everyone for the same reason. If she went back now, it'd be ten times worse.

Besides, the gossip mill would probably drive her insane within the day.

"I'm refusin' because that part of my life is done," Ellie said firmly. "I can read and write and shoot a gun, and that's more'n enough to get me a job 'round here."

"You ain't hunting," Bobby warned.

She blinked innocently. "Who said anythin' about that?"

Bobby grumbled. "Why're you so stubborn?"

She shrugged. "Must've been around some grumpy old coot too long. Picked up bad habits."

He threw up his hands frustratedly. "Fine! Throw your damn life away, see if I care."

"I love you too, Bobby," she called after his retreating back.

*.*.*

Castiel came nearly every night. She didn't ask him to put her to sleep anymore, not unless she was having a bad night, but she liked having someone to talk to who wasn't Bobby or occasionally the Sheriff.

He was sitting on her bed currently, staring across at the window and the darkened night beyond as if someone had written the secret to the universe in the stars. Ellie didn't sleep with curtains. Call her paranoid, but she liked to see what was happening, thank you kindly.

He looked like someone had drawn him and then crumpled the paper, Ellie mused. His hair was a little mussed, the lines on his face slightly deeper, and his coat was rumpled as it pooled around him on the duvet.

She lifted a foot from where it rested in his lap and poked him in the side with a toe. "Hey. You're thinkin' too hard. I can hear it from here."

Startled, he whipped his head round to stare at her. After a few seconds he blinked and relaxed. "You're joking," he said, slightly uncertain still. He hadn't quite grasped humanity's humour yet. Or any kind of colloquialism.

She smiled up at him from where she sprawled, taking up the rest of the bed. "I am. Why, scared of what I might find out in your thoughts?"

"I have a millenia of thoughts," he said. "It may be confusing, to hear them."

She sat up and reached out, habit by now, to touch the bare skin of his wrist. The feeling of something _other _somehow grounded her just as much as his physical presence. "I've got time. What's your top three right now?"

He thought a moment. "Bees have a remarkable ecosystem which is far superior to any other creature. They're very efficient. I don't know why Father didn't include the dinosaurs in His book, but something may have been lost in the editing process. I'm slightly confused by the saying _easy as pie _because to my knowledge pie making takes labour and time."

She laughed. "True, but it's easy to eat."

He opened his mouth and then closed it again, appearing to consider this. "Perhaps that's the true meaning," he conceded.

She could almost feel his Grace humming, when she sat beside him like this. It raised the hairs on her arms, like a warning her body comprehended before she could - _do not touch. May cause electrocution. _

She couldn't help it. She had to keep prodding him, just to know it was real.

"You're an unusual human," he said.

"Thanks, Castiel. What a nice thing to say."

"You're welcome," he said, the sarcasm going straight over his head. She'd thought he was better at picking stuff up these days but he did still take most things literally.

"Why're you calling me weird?"

"Unusual," he corrected. "You asked for my top three. I've solved one, so I replaced it with another."

"I'm in your top three?"

"I can't work out why you can see me," he said. "Your family is connected to Heaven, true, but surely then one of your brothers would have a better chance."

"I can't see you," she pointed out. "Not really. Just a little bit of you that leaks out of your vessel."

"That's more than most humans can see."

"Well, I'm not most humans. I'm _unusual." _

"Yes, but why?"

She nudged him. "Castiel. You're an angel. Shouldn't you be more accepting of unusual things?"

"Theoretically, yes," he said, frowning.

Ellie nudged him again. "Stop frownin'. You'll give poor Jimmy wrinkles."

He glanced at her sharply, blue eyes wide. "Eleanor, Jimmy Novak no longer occupies my vessel. He was destroyed when this body was. He is in his Heaven."

"Oh," Ellie said softly, sitting back a bit. "Poor Jimmy."

"He's happy," Castiel said. "He relives his memories of his time before serving as my vessel."

"Did you ever feel bad about it?" Ellie asked, curious. "Takin' someone's body and using it for all those things?"

"He gave consent."

"Was it informed?"

Castiel didn't reply. It was answer enough.

Ellie grasped his wrist gently again. "Hey. C'mon. I wasn't blamin' you for how things turned out. I just wanted to know, since... well, I coulda been a vessel."

"No," Castiel said. "Heaven did not pursue you."

"Not Heaven," Ellie conceded. "But Michael did. He spoke to me in my dreams. I was bottom of the list, but I was on it."

Curious eyes turned on her again. "Why didn't you tell anyone?"

"Adam went missin' after that," she said, shrugging. "It was pretty clear that as long as they had him, I wasn't gonna be part of the lineup. Besides, it's not like I woulda said yes."

"You are very stubborn," Castiel mused.

She rolled her eyes. "So're you. I like you better now that you're not crusadin' for a higher power anymore."

His hand turned and gripped hers, making her blink. Castiel seeking contact with her was new. He usually just tolerated her without protest.

"If I told you I was still crusading," he said, "Would you still accept my company?"

"Of course I would," Ellie said, slightly confused, squeezing his hand to reassure him. "I know you're fightin' a war, Castiel. But it ain't the same one. You're fightin' for your own freedom now, right? Free will?"

"Yes," he said. "Free will. Many oppose it."

"And you oppose them."

"I do."

"You're scared I won't approve of your methods."

He bowed his head.

Ellie touched his face carefully, trying to get him to look at her again. "Hey. _Should _I be worried about your methods?"

He brought his free hand up and tugged hers down until he held that one too. He gazed down at them as if the sight mystified him, his skin against hers.

"No," he said finally. "You needn't be concerned."

"You sure?"

"I'm sure."

"Okay," she said, nodding slowly. "I trust you." The gravity of the statement hung heavy like a pendulum between them. Ellie let her head drop down until it rested on his shoulder and closed her eyes.

"Thank you for your faith in me," Castiel said quietly.

"S'no problem," she replied. "You're here for me. I'm here for you. Simple."

"I have to go soon. My brothers and sisters are calling for me. Do you want me to help you sleep tonight?"

"No," she said, "But can you stay a while longer? Just five more minutes."

He hesitated. "I'm needed elsewhere."

"I know." She drew back, squeezing his hands again before she let go. "Go fight your war, then. Give 'em hell."

"We're fighting for Heaven," Castiel said, frowning. "The ownership of Hell isn't of any particular relevance at this point."

She resisted the urge to laugh, smiling instead. "I know that, Castiel."

"You're using metaphorical speech again," he realised. "I see. I'll go… give them Hell."

"Go on, then," she said.

Again, he hesitated. "I may be gone a while," he said. "My brethren have noticed my distraction. They may attempt to remove it themselves if I continue to disappear."

_Be careful, _he meant.

Ellie nodded. "Alright. I'll try not to call on you for a while."

"I will still answer your calls when I am able," he said firmly.

"You just might not be able to," Ellie countered, filling in the gaps. "It's okay, Castiel. I get it."

"I want us to remain…" Castiel seemed to struggle with finding the right word. "...companionable."

Ellie did laugh that time. "Castiel, I will still be your friend when you get back. I promise."

"You promise," he repeated.

She held out her hand. "Pinky swear." She hooked her pinky around his when he hesitantly raised his hand as well, swinging them back and forth. "There. Now it's a serious promise."

"It didn't feel like a serious promise."

"Pinky swears are very important, Castiel. Would I lie to you?"

"No," he conceded. "You're not very good at it. I would be able to tell."

Ellie rolled her eyes. "Go. I'll be here when you get back."

There was a flash of bright light and then he was gone, only the whisper of a feathery echo and the mussed up place on the duvet where he'd been sitting to show he'd ever been there at all.

The room felt empty. Ellie sighed.

_Shoulda got him to knock me out after all._

*.*.*


	10. Chapter 10

**CHAPTER TEN**

*.*.*

It was in the middle of sanding the wall that Ellie remembered where she'd heard the name Lahote.

"Son of a bitch," she said aloud, pausing to consider the possibility. Was Paul related to Letty? He could be one of the cousin's kids. He could be anyone really. But Ellie didn't believe in coincidences so much anymore, so she was willing to bet there was a connection somehow.

She put down the sandpaper and wiped her hands on her jeans, standing to stretch. Her shoulder was starting to ache from the repetitive motion and she rolled the joint to loosen it as she walked down the hallway.

Letty was out again. That old lady sure did have a helluva social life for a senior.

She needed a new phone. Ever since Garth had gotten hold of her number, she hadn't dared use it. Or even leave it assembled. Call her paranoid, but Garth was annoyingly good at finding people and she was _not _interested in whatever bullshit awaited her.

They could save the damn world without the Winchesters for once.

She got into her crappy car - good thing she'd switched the plates a while back, because she'd been in one place _way _too long to use an obviously stolen car - and puttered down into the main area of Forks again. Surely the gas station would have some kind of disposable burner she could pick up for cheap. Her funds were rapidly dwindling, but she'd be a dumbass to leave herself cut off from help completely.

She felt the back of her neck prickle as she got out. Casually, she let her gaze drift over the others around. Normal, normal, normal… and there was Quil ambling up to the store, watching her out the corner of his eye.

These people really needed to learn subtlety.

She strolled just as leisurely, smiling innocently when he accidentally made eye contact with her.

"Quil," she greeted. "Fancy seein' you here. Y'know, I'm startin' to think you guys are followin' me or somethin'."

He giggled a little too nervously. "Following you? Why would we do that?"

"I don't know," Ellie said, pretending to browse. "Why _would_ you do that?"

"We wouldn't." He blurted quickly.

"Ah."

He fidgeted. "So, how's things with Mrs Peterson?"

"She's great. Although," she paused and pretended to think, frowning. "There was one weird thing. Just one."

"What?"

"Well… I could have sworn someone went through my stuff the other day." Ellie looked at him boldly, watching for his reactions. "Doesn't that seem _wrong_ to you? The idea that someone who's essentially a stranger was riflin' through my _private _property?"

"Um, totally wrong," he mumbled. "You should, uh, talk to her about that. Or not. Just let it go. No harm in forgetting about it."

"I mean," she continued as if he hadn't spoken, enjoying watching him squirm, "I just don't know what would provoke someone to do an awful thing like that. Sure, I'm new in town, but I got a right to privacy, don't I?"

"Yes. Yep. Privacy. Very… um… yes."

She sighed. "You know, I don't think it was Mrs Peterson. She's just too sweet, she'd never betray my trust like that. I think we must have a security problem. Someone must've broken in."

He blinked. "What? No, uh, who would do that?"

"I don't know, Quil," she said. "But I intend to find out. Y'know, it just made me so _angry. _And when I get _angry, _I just get so irrational. You never know what's gonna happen. I could completely flip out. I mean, whoever it was is prolly scared on account of the guns, the knives, the fact that I'm awful good with both… And then there's all that ammo I got, phew! Lordy me, I have some weapons of destruction under my belt. They're prolly watchin' my every move, makin' sure I don't do somethin' crazy. Makin' sure I don't wanna kill anyone, or that I'm not workin' for some sinister cause. They could keep doin' that. It'd be awfully rude of them, though."

He looked a little worried. "Uh…"

She closed the magazine she'd been holding with a flourish. "Or," she said, leaning in conspiratorially, "Whoever the fuck went through my shit could take my word that I'm not here to cause any trouble, and they can mind their own fuckin' business because I ain't usin' any of that shit here unless I'm in danger. Do you think they'd understand that?"

He swallowed. "I'm sure they would."

She smiled at him sweetly again. "Good. Say hello to Jacob for me, will ya?" She strode up to buy her burner phone without saying goodbye, leaving Quil gaping in the aisle for a moment.

*.*.*

She went to the diner and bought some pie to celebrate her petty victory. It was still damn good pie.

"Hey," she said to the waitress, "Is there anywhere around here where I can use a computer? My laptop got stolen on my travels, and I gotta send some emails to let people know I'm alive."

The waitress made a sympathetic noise. "Some people just have no morals! There's a library in Forks, honey. They've got computers you can use."

"Thanks," she said, smiling big. "Gosh, everyone 'round here is just so helpful."

"Wait 'til you're a local," the waitress said with a wink. "That's when all the drama starts."

The library was well equipped for a little town like this, she'd give it that. The computers looked like they'd been upgraded recently and ran at a fairly decent pace. She'd picked one right in the corner at the back so she could watch anyone who came in and sat down to do some research.

Something weird was happening in this town, as much as she'd tried to ignore it until now. But Hell, if they were gonna investigate her, she was gonna investigate the shit outta them.

She looked up animal attacks in the area first, since everyone seemed to be so damn worried about animals on the trails.

Hot damn. That was a _lot _of unexplained attacks around 2007. How had the boys not picked up on that one? What were they doing in 2007? She frowned and squinted into the distance for a moment, trying to remember which crisis that had been.

Dean going to Hell, maybe? She was fairly sure that's what it was. No wonder everyone was so distracted. Dark times in the Winchester camp.

Ellie sighed and scrolled through the articles, making notes of dates and locations in her journal as she did. They all seemed to fade out by themselves after a few years, with just the occasional attack. Some of them seemed like actual animals. Others had red flags like _unexplained causes _and _withholding comment at this time_.

Then there was the wolf stuff. That was weird too. Rumours about giant wolves spotted by hikers. Artwork inspired by them. Links to vague legends online.

In one forum discussing them, she spied a comment about the lack of validity and expanded it.

_You guys don't know what you're talking about. All this online stuff is bullshit. If you want the real legends, buy this._

There was a link to Amazon. Ellie clicked on it and it popped up with a book on Quileute culture and lore.

She didn't really want to buy off Amazon. She was trying to avoid the kind of trail that buying online tended to leave. She typed the title into Google to check for stockists.

_Port Angeles. _

She sighed again. God, was anything actually available in this podunk place, or was she going to have to drive an hour every time?

The sky was starting to darken when she left after ignoring the librarian's pointed glares for the better part of the afternoon. She jangled her keys in her hand and whistled a tune as she walked to her car, journal tucked under her arm. The car park was otherwise empty and an ordinary person probably would have been alarmed at the prospect of walking alone in the near-dark. Ellie, however, had a gun and knew how to Goddamn use it if some sicko tried anything.

She folded herself in and sat for a moment, staring at the dash with a frown as she thought about what she'd just found. She couldn't find a pattern. Yes, there'd been attacks, but then they petered out. Was it some monster who'd gotten too eager when they first appeared, or had some other hunter come by before then?

Her thoughts drifted to Embry momentarily before she wrenched them back with a scowl. He was part of this, whatever it was. _IBS. Honestly. _Who used excuses like that?

What about the others? Quil. Paul. Was Jacob just a disturbingly nosy person with a strangely close-knit group of friends, or was there actually something sinister at play here?

It was hard to make a start on what might have happened with what was basically a cold case. There was such a confusing jumble of information around whether the attacks were from a mountain lion, or a bear, or rogue wolves. Some of the speculation around the attacks included rumours of missing blood, which would point to vampires. Which had been mentioned briefly in the lore, albeit under a different name. But then she'd seen Jacob and his ilk doing lots of things vampires didn't do. Namely functioning in the daylight without so much as flinching. Daylight didn't kill vamps, but they usually weren't so comfortable in it.

She'd have to find that damn book and get a handle on what the locals had to say about creatures. Go from there.

She turned the key with a sigh and switched her lights on to drive home.

*.*.*

She went to Port Angeles the next day. She needed some board to fix Letty's porch anyway, she'd pick some up at the hardware store on her way back. She took Letty's truck, leaving the old lady her own keys just in case she needed to go someplace.

The radio played loudly on whatever station Letty had used until something that reminded her of Dean too much came on and she switched it to another station with a scowl, shoulders hunched as R. Kelly's _Ignition _blared instead.

Goddamn that song for being so catchy.

She thought she saw something blurring through the woods beside her, but when she glanced sharply to the side there was nothing there. Her senses were tingling. Something was _not right _here.

She stepped on the gas. She had to get this damn book so she could figure this out once and for all.

Ellie got there fifteen minutes earlier than she should've, parking up and almost falling out of the cab in her eagerness. She took the steps up to the store in one leap, catching her eagerness just in time to slip inside quietly like a normal person.

"Hiya," she said to the bored looking kid leaning against the counter, smiling politely. The guy smiled back thinly.

Retail was obviously not his calling.

"I'm lookin' for a particular book," she said, walking closer and giving him her best _aw shucks_ attitude. "I need it for a paper I'm writin', I saw that y'all were listed as a stockist so I thought it'd be easier to come here than order it online…"

The teen straightened up, reaching for a iPad on the counter. "What was the title?"

She told him and he didn't even tap it in, pointing at the back of the store instead with what could almost be a disappointed look.

"It's with the other tourist crap," he muttered. "Knock yourself out."

She frowned. "Is it inaccurate? Is there a better one?"

He eyed her for a moment, then walked around and plucked a book off a shelf. "Here. Buy this one. Way better researched. They actually talked to the tribe in this one."

"Well, thanks," she said, smiling big again. "I guess I'll get this one, then." She hesitated, turning back to the wall. "And maybe that one as well. I need as many sources as I can…"

He shrugged. "Suit yourself."

She raised her eyebrows. "Aren't you s'posed to be upsellin' me?"

"It's my dad's shop. I'm not getting fired for low items per transaction."

"Fair enough." She trotted down to the back and plucked her original choice off the shelf, plunking it down in front of him.

"That'll be ninety-two fifty," he said.

She frowned. "For two books?"

"For one academic text and one book of bullshit, yes."

"Fine." She dug into her pocket and pulled out one of her last crumpled bills. "Hey, any idea where any bars are around here?"

The kid looked at her. "Lady, it's not even noon."

"I'm meetin' some friends later. I'm meant to know my way 'round here by now, but…" she shrugged. "Any local knowledge?"

"I'm seventeen."

"You got eyes, don'tcha?"

He sighed. "Randall's is the next block over. I dunno if it'd be nice enough to meet friends at, though."

She smiled again, all teeth this time. The seedier the better. "Keep the change."

"Thanks," he said. She couldn't tell if it was sarcastic and she didn't really give a shit either way.

Ellie hurried back out to the truck and checked her watch. Plenty of time to go hustle some suckers before she went to the hardware store. She'd need the cash for it, anyway. Letty gave her something towards materials but Ellie didn't really like taking the full amount from an old lady who was letting her live free, and cooking for her to boot.

She stripped off her outer shirt quickly, yanking her tank top down to show some extra cleavage before tucking it into her shorts to make sure it stayed that way. She'd just worn ordinary boots today, so no helping that, but at least there was leg and tits showing. She'd just have to stand on her tippy-toes while she was leaning over the pool table. She checked her reflection in the mirror. No makeup. She'd have to be the fresh faced baby who wandered into a bar.

Alright. She could work with this.

She shoved the books under the front seat and started up the ignition, pulling away from the kerb and keeping an eye out for the bar.

*.*.*

It was three o'clock when she left the bar, pockets fatter than they'd been for a while. She wouldn't be able to go back there anytime soon, but she doubted she'd want to anyway. It was just pathetic aging men gambling and drinking. So of course, they'd fallen for her little tricks hook line and sinker. She'd caught the bartender shaking his head ruefully at her from time to time, but he hadn't stopped her.

Mighty nice of him. She'd slipped him a twenty at the end for his troubles.

She rumbled on down to the hardware store and swaggered in, feeling a whole lot better about herself now that she wasn't down to her last fifty bucks. There was just something _empowering _about making a fool outta grown men. She was probably a bad person for thinking that. Fuck it. S'not like she was well adjusted in any way. If this was as sadistic as she ever got, she'd be fine with that.

When she got back to Letty's, she decided she'd better get the timber under some cover just in case it rained. So far it'd been clear, but being this close to the coastline always brought an element of risk into gauging weather patterns.

She hefted up the first lot and nearly dropped it when she turned around to see Embry standing behind her, his quick hands the only thing stopping her foot from getting squished.

"For _fucks sake," _Ellie hissed, "Will you people _quit _poppin' up outta nowhere? It's gettin' old real fuckin' fast!"

Embry blinked. "Uh. Sorry?" He held the load like it was nothing more than a bag of feathers. Bastard.

"You should be," she snapped. "Put that over there under the tarp."

He obeyed quickly, coming back to stand before her as she glared at him.

"You've been avoiding me again," he said.

Her scowl deepened. "How do you figure that?"

"You won't answer my calls."

"My phone broke, you _idjit. _I bought a new one. Didn't Quil tell you 'bout that durin' his little recon mission?" She turned and picked up another load, determined not to look weak in front of him. "And why the damn hell would I be answerin' your calls anyway? I already told you I wasn't interested. Back off."

"You weren't this hostile last time we met." He took the load from her despite her protests, setting it next to the previous one. Then he grabbed the third one and put it next to that, brushing past her as he did so. She did _not _shiver slightly. No sir.

She put her hands on her hips. "Last time we met, I hadn't had my privacy invaded. Now I'm bein' hostile to everyone. You ain't anythin' special."

"So you keep saying." He grabbed the last load and deposited it, arranging the tarp over it and tucking the corners to stop it flying away. "I'm taking it as a good sign that you haven't told me to go away yet. I think that means you like me."

"I think you're delusional," she muttered, turning and marching back to the cab of the truck to fish out her shirt and the books. Embry whistled lowly and she felt something tug her pocket. She turned to yell at him for touching her ass and found him holding her wad of cash.

"You a drug dealer or something?" he said, eyebrows raised.

She snatched it out of his hand, shoving it back in her pocket. "That's none of your business, Embry Call. You keep your nose outta my life and your hands outta my pockets, you hear?"

He frowned. "Seriously, what's with the drug money?"

"It ain't _drug money," _she retorted. "I hustled pool, okay? I gotta get by somehow and I'm sure as shit not stickin' around long enough to get a real job in this place. That a satisfyin' explanation, Sherlock?"

He held up his hands in surrender. "Hey, I wasn't judging."

"Don't piss and call it rain," she said flatly, turning back to actually pick up the books this time. "Listen, can you just get outta here already? I don't wanna talk to you. Any of you. Just let me finish up Letty's house in peace, and then I can leave, and y'all can get back to whatever the damn Hell it is you're hidin' from everyone."

"We're not-" Embry caught sight of the books and halted, frowning again. "What are those?"

"These are books, honey. Bought 'em special. I heard that people read 'em."

"Why'd you get those ones?"

She looked down at them and then back up at him, a hard glint in her eye. "Why not?" She challenged. "Any reason in particular why you'd object to me readin' these books?"

He shook his head slowly. "No, just… most people don't have an interest in that stuff."

"I find myself developin' one. Call it academic curiosity." Ellie said. "Now, if you don't mind, I've gotta get myself inside and start workin' on these."

He leaned in and Ellie realised how close they'd gotten during their interaction, her skin tingling like it had that time at the cabin. Anticipation, maybe. She needed to stop letting him get so close to her. It could be dangerous.

_He could be a monster, _she told herself sternly. _Stop thinkin' about him like he's a normal person. _

"Don't read the books," he said, low, urgent.

She tilted her head to look at him properly, feeling the side of the seat against her back as she leaned to create some distance. "Why?"

"I'm asking you not to."

She laughed, short and sharp. "As what, my trusty friend? You ain't got shit to go on, Embry."

He leaned even closer and she fought to keep her glare from faltering as something unfamiliar tugged in her stomach.

"Ellie," he said, "Please. Just leave it alone. You'll learn what you need to know if you stick around. If you don't, then you don't need to know it."

"Embry," she said, mimicking his tone, albeit a little breathlessly. "One thing about me, just real quick - I don't like mysteries. They make me all itchy and bothered. Can't stand 'em."

"That's hypocritical."

"So're you." She ducked out under his arm, taking a big gulp of air to steady herself. "This was fun and all, but I've got a lotta things to do, so I'm gonna go on inside now and you're gonna leave. Okay?"

"No, not okay-" He made the mistake that many before him had made. He grabbed her to try and restrain her.

Ellie reacted on instinct, years of muscle memory working as she stepped and twisted out of his hold. Almost simultaneously she pivoted and kicked out powerfully, catching him in the soft, unprepared muscles of his stomach. He doubled over momentarily, winded.

"I don't appreciate bein' grabbed," Ellie snapped. "Never do that again. I'm goin' for a more intimate part next time. Clear?"

The door creaked open and Letty, bless her well-timed heart, was peering out suspiciously.

"What's going on, dear?" The old lady asked, eyeing Embry.

"Nothin', Letty," Ellie said, waving. "Just showin' Embry some of my old fightin' technique. I'm a little rusty, but I think I still got it."

"Alright," Letty said hesitantly. "How's about you come inside now?"

"That sounds swell. I'll be there in just a minute," Ellie said. She turned back to Embry as Letty shut the door again. He had straightened up some in the respite. "Embry Call," she said quietly and against her better judgement, "I know y'all got secrets and so long as they don't harm any of these good people, I don't give one shit about them. I do not have a grudge against you. Hell, I don't even think you're a bad person. Don't make me change my mind."

"Why?"

"Why what?"

"Why don't you have a grudge against me?"

She stared at him, deliberating for a moment. "Damned if I know. Now, get the Hell off Letty's lawn and stay the _Hell _away from me."

"Why the guns?" He called after her.

Ellie glanced around quickly to see if the neighbours were listening, but she couldn't see anyone out on their porches at the moment. She turned back to him.

"I'll tell you mine if you tell me yours," she said, raising her eyebrows.

He hesitated.

She scoffed. "Didn't think so. Goodbye, Embry." She went inside, shutting and locking the door behind her without another backward glance.

She had some reading to do, after all.

*.*.*

_**Sioux Falls **_

_**Then**_

"Eleanor."

She whirled and saw Castiel standing by her bed. For a moment she just stared at him, taking in his appearance and physical presence in her drab little room. Then she lunged across the room and shoved him, making him collide with the wall.

"Eleanor-" he said again, looking confused. She cut across him.

"Where the _Hell _have you been?" she hissed, pushing him again. "And what the _Hell _have you been doing?"

"I've been fighting," he said. "Why are you angry with me?"

"Why am I… _why am I angry with you?" _Ellie paced before turning to him again, prodding him in the chest. "_You _said I had nothin' to worry about. You know what I found out a week ago? Sam is back. _Sam. _You remember Sam, my _dead brother?" _

He frowned. "Sam is alive?"

"Oh, don't pretend you had nothin' to do with this!"

He caught her hands before she could hit him again and she stilled momentarily, the familiar feeling of his grace calming her by habit.

"I didn't have anything to do with Sam's return," Castiel said gravely. "I wasn't aware of it until you told me just now."

Her eyes searched his, fervently wanting this to be true. "Are you sure? Because if you lie to me… Castiel, just… _don't _lie to me. Please."

"I didn't know," he told her, meeting her gaze squarely.

Ellie sagged against him, her head bowed on his chest as the fight went outta her. "I'm sorry. I'm _sorry._ I've just been goin' crazy trying to figure this out, and I was so scared that you'd done somethin' stupid, or maybe Dean had… I mean, has he?"

Slowly, hesitantly, she felt his arms release hers to wrap around her torso instead. "Not that I know of. It's alright. I imagine it's been… difficult."

"He's not the same," Ellie muttered into his lapels. "He's back, but he's not our Sam. Something's wrong."

"He was in the Cage," Castiel murmured. She could hear his voice rumbling in his chest. "It's not surprising that he came out changed."

She leaned back slightly, swiping at her eyes. "Sorry. I'm a damn mess. You prolly didn't have this in mind when you decided to visit."

"You're one of the few people with faith in me," he said with what might have been a shrug if Castiel was casual enough for such things. "I enjoy your company."

"And here I was accusin' you of things," Ellie muttered, feeling horribly guilty. "Some pal I am." Impulsively she threw her arms around his neck and held him, much like she had before. "I'm glad you're here. I really am. I worried about you out there."

He tensed momentarily before returning the gesture, his arms tightening around her back. "I'm glad to be here." He let go after a moment, straightening again. "I only have a short time before I have to go again. Are you alright?"

"I'm… I'm doin' okay," Ellie said, attempting a lopsided smile. "It's gettin' better. It really is. Just… slowly."

"The nightmares?"

She winced. "Like I said. Slowly." She stepped back fully and sat on her bed, patting the space beside her. "C'mon. Sit."

He sat, and she couldn't help but reach up and trace the soft lines of his aura around his face. He closed his eyes and leaned into her touch for a moment. Her palm tingled at the contact, the duality of touching his grace and his skin.

"I went on a hunt," she confessed quietly.

He flinched, eyes flying open. "You did _what?"_

"Calm down, I've been on them before. Besides, it was just a lone vamp. Perfectly fine for me to tackle by myself."

"By _yourself?" _Castiel's eyes grew even wider. "Did Bobby send you on the hunt?"

She snorted. "Bobby doesn't even know I went. He'd skin me for goin' behind his back, but it's the only way I can do it."

"You shouldn't put yourself at risk," Castiel insisted. "Sam sacrificed himself so you and Dean would be safe."

"Castiel," she said, raising an eyebrow, "If Sam's topside again, do you really think it's gonna be long before Dean gets wind of it and jumps back in?"

He frowned. "You're not Dean."

"No, I'm not," she agreed. "I'm Ellie. I'm stubborn as Hell. And if I wanna hunt to get rid of some repressed anger so's I don't go crazy, I will damn well hunt."

"Eleanor-"

"Look, hon," she interrupted, "I've already had two fathers. One of them is dead and the other's downstairs balancin' lore and a beer. I don't need another person tellin' me what to do."

"I'm not trying to be a father figure. I'm trying to keep you _safe."_

"And that's real good of you, Castiel," she said, placing her hand on his shoulder comfortingly. "You've done better than most so far. But I've gotta take care of myself at some point."

He frowned, not appearing to enjoy that idea.

"It'll be okay," she told him, not sure who exactly she was tryna convince but feeling the need to say the words aloud. "I'll be fine."

"Things are brewing," he told her. "It would be safer for you to remain as you have been instead of becoming involved."

She frowned. "What things? Castiel, are you okay?"

"I'm fine," he said, brushing off her concern. "It'll all be fine, soon. But before that there may be… turbulence."

"Turbulence?"

"You have an uncanny knack for being caught up in the wrong thing at the wrong time," he said seriously. "I don't want you to be caught in the crossfire."

"You don't want me to hunt because it might draw the attention of angels? Castiel, I'm not important enough for the angels to care about."

"You are."

She blinked. "Come again?"

He glanced away. "I've told you before. My brothers and sisters - on both sides - have noted my distraction. They know your family is a weak point. They have... come to the conclusion that you are a weak point."

"A weak point?" Ellie repeated stupidly. "I don't understand."

He sighed. "Eleanor, my affection for you is known to them. They see it as weakness."

Ellie gaped, because apparently he held _affection _for her and it was enough to be seen as a threat by the Heavenly host. Lord, if angels weren't worse than high schoolers when it came to gossip…

Still. Castiel. Affection. _Her. _

"Castiel," she said when she found her tongue again, "What affection would that be?"

He glanced at her, guarded. "You didn't know?"

"I _don't _know," Ellie said honestly. "Not unless you tell me."

"I value you, Eleanor." He said simply.

Her heart sank a little. _Value? Like an_ _asset?_ "Oh. So it's more of a Winchester collection thing, then? Dean's loyalty ain't enough, so you wanted a fuller set?"

"No."

"No?"

"I value _you, _Eleanor," Castiel repeated. "I want to keep you safe. Preferably you would be close by, so I could watch you better."

She met his gaze. "You care about me," she said slowly, tasting the words aloud and hoping to God he wouldn't deny them.

He nodded. "It's extremely distracting. You have no regard for your safety or wellbeing."

"Lemme get this straight," Ellie said. "You care for me. This makes you not as focused as you should be. Heaven gets pissed. I get killed?"

"No," he said sharply. "You do _not _get killed. It wouldn't solve anything, anyway. I tried severing myself from you and I was still concerned for your welfare."

She frowned. "Hang on. The last three weeks, that's been you severin' yourself?"

"An attempt, yes."

Ellie gaped at him in disbelief. "You made me promise to still be friends with you! Why would you do that if you weren't plannin' on comin' back? Damn it, Castiel," she fumed, "I've been swallowin' nightmares and questions for _weeks _because I thought you needed to be left alone, but it was all just a sick experiment to see if you had self control!"

"I didn't know how long I would be gone," he explained, trying to calm her. "I never intended to end our contact completely. I would have always returned."

"And how would I've known that?" Ellie demanded. "You could've been gone years if you hadn't decided to cave and visit your dirty little secret. God, you're so… you're such a… damn it, Castiel!"

"I didn't realise it would upset you," Castiel said, consideringly. "You said you were fine in my absence."

"I was just sayin' what you wanted to hear. I value you _too_, you idjit," Ellie snapped. "I worried about you _too. _You don't get to decide by yourself if you're gonna vanish. At least give me the courtesy of tellin' me first."

He tilted his head thoughtfully, scrutinising her. "You care for me also."

"Of course I do, dumbass." Ellie huffed and stood to pace yet again. "You spend time here, and I think you're finally gettin' it, and then you up and leave and it's like pressin' a damn reset button every time."

"What is it I'm getting?"

She threw her hands up exasperatedly. "How to deal with humans! How to deal with _me. _Every time you come back it's like I'm this _novelty, _and it's all _you're an unusual human Eleanor, I have feelings for you that I never told you about Eleanor."_ She mimicked his deeper voice terribly, not really caring in the scheme of her tirade. "You make me care for you, and then you leave, and I think 'oh, Castiel's doing very important things, mustn't bother him with my PTSD', but you were just tryna _sever _yourself."

"Eleanor," Castiel said, rising to plant himself in front of her so she would stop pacing. "You're overreacting. I left because I was putting you in danger by lingering so long. I wished to test my ability to stay away if needed. I didn't visit because I thought you were fine without my help. I see now that I was mistaken."

"Oh, so you were being _noble?"_

"Yes."

God _damn _him. Why did all the men in her life think they had to sacrifice themselves in some capacity in order to keep her safe?

She sighed, some of the fight going out of her. "Jesus H. Christ, I hate when y'all do that noble bullshit. It's tiresome. Do I look like a damsel?"

Wisely, he shook his head instead of answering.

"Castiel," Ellie said, "I don't like dependin' on anyone. I got used to dependin' on you. You needa let me know right now if I can still do that."

"You can," he said immediately. "I will never intentionally harm you."

"And you'll never abandon me."

"Yes." He hesitated a moment. "There may be times when it appears I have, but I will return eventually."

"Good."

He looked cautious. "Am I forgiven?"

"I suppose." Ellie poked him in the chest. "I won't forget it though. I don't do extra chances. Anythin' else you wanna get off your chest while we're sharin'?"

He shook his head again. "May I ask something?"

Ellie nodded.

Castiel glanced down to where he'd held her elbows lightly as if to restrain her, his hands resituating themselves to a less controlling position on her forearms. "Is my affection for you truly such a surprise?"

She pulled a face. "Castiel, _affection _is fairly ambiguous. But yes, it is."

"Do you want me to be more specific?"

She blinked. "There's specifics?"

He met her gaze again, blue eyes so very bright from this close. "I enjoy your company and I wish to prolong our encounters more each time. I find myself concerned for your wellbeing when you're not there. It's very confusing. I wonder…" His eyes flickered around her face, coming to rest on her mouth.

Ellie was suddenly aware of how close they were and cleared her throat nervously outta habit. "Oh, boy, I s'pose you've gotta go soon," she said, her voice sounding oddly high pitched as her heart pounded.

"Soon," he agreed, not moving. She could see something working itself out in his head. _I wonder..._

She fidgeted. "Castiel-"

He bent and pressed his mouth to hers, clumsy and hesitant. His lips were slightly chapped but Ellie found her eyes fluttering shut anyway. It was brief and all too soon he was pulling back, frowning again.

"You're not meant to be frownin' after kissin'," she blurted out.

"I don't see why humans insist on it as part of intimacy," he admitted. "It seems impractical, but I've heard it's rather enjoyable with the correct partner."

"It is," she agreed. "Also, you ain't doin' it right. It's meant to be fun." Gathering all of her courage, she reached up on her tiptoes and pulled his head down to meet her. She was gentler than he was, slower - this may have been his first proper kiss in who knows how long. She wanted to make sure it was damn good.

The slightly electrifying feeling that seemed to accompany the press of their bare skin surged through her and she clutched him tighter around the shoulders, pleased when he responded in kind by pulling her closer and angling his head to kiss her back. His hands on the small of her back pushed her belly against his, melding them from chest to thigh.

An angel of the Lord kissing a mortal girl in her bedroom. Even Chuck himself wouldn't have written this into the _Supernatural _plotline, but it was happening and it was oddly perfect even though her neck was starting to protest the angle.

A loud clanging noise from downstairs made them both jump apart. Ellie felt herself flushing, her face no doubt cherry red as she panted and tried not to look as completely flustered as she felt. Castiel was wide-eyed, but at least he wasn't frowning anymore.

"I should go," she said, tripping over her words slightly as she tried to focus on something other than the fact she just made out with Castiel. "Um, downstairs. Check what's goin' on. You were goin' too, right?"

"I have to go," Castiel agreed, still watching her with something strange in his eyes. She couldn't decide if it was good or bad but it made her shiver anyway, especially when his gaze flickered to her mouth again.

Ellie took another step back. "I, uh… I'm goin'. Now. Goin' now." Her hands clenched and unclenched at her sides and she was debating the wisdom of just grabbing his lapels and figuring out for herself if third time really was the charm.

"Eleanor," Castiel said when she took another step, "I won't be gone as long this time."

"Alright."

"Will I still be welcome when I return?"

Pausing, she faced him properly again. "Castiel," she said, "You're always welcome here. Just… maybe gimme a few days to process the fact that what just happened… just happened."

"I enjoyed it." Castiel said, casual, like they were discussing the weather. "I suppose that means you're the correct partner."

Ellie's eyes widened, but before she could even _think _of replying to that one - what could even be a response to that? _Thanks? _\- he was away with a flash of light and the sound of beating wings.

*.*.*

**Another one down! This chapter was lurking semi-finished for a while because I had to push it to the side to get on with my uni work, I've just been adding to it when I get the chance. Leave me a review if you're feeling kindly :)**


	11. Chapter 11

*.*.*

**CHAPTER ELEVEN**

*.*.*

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

Ellie sat herself down in her attic with a mug of tea and her small pile of books, her gun within reach. She'd put up just about every ward she knew on the walls and the windows, and the hatch was locked so no one could pull it without some serious, attention-grabbing force.

Y'know. Just in case.

She cracked open the first book, the one the kid had recommended to her, and her eyes lit on the acknowledgements at the start.

_For Billy Black, without whom this would have been impossible. _

Billy Black. Relative of Jacob Black, she was willing to bet.

_Calm down, girl, _she told herself. _Don't go countin' your coincidences before they hatch._

She really wanted to be wrong. Because if this place was as much of a supernatural shitfest as she thought it was, she'd probably stumbled into her own grave.

The book was legends and explanations of lore. She flipped through for a while until something about cold ones caught her eyes.

_Cold ones. _That'd been mentioned online a couple times. With a frown, she flipped back to the start of that legend and read it properly.

Then she read it again, just to make sure she wasn't seeing things.

"Fucking hell," she muttered, earmarking her page and slamming the book shut to lean back and rub at her eyes. Werewolves. _Werewolves. _As if the thinly-veiled vampire references weren't enough.

Protectors of the tribe. From the cold ones. She'd gone and walked into a goddamn turf war between werewolves and goddamn vampires. What was this, _Underworld? _

She'd never iced a werewolf alone before, let alone a whole goddamn tribe of them. They were well established. They were keeping their noses clean. Relatively. She just had to find out if it was them or the vampires causing the trouble. With any luck, she could scare them a bit and then move on and leave them to their own devices.

She sighed. She hadn't been lucky since she won a raffle the week before her momma had died. The odds were definitely against her.

So what did she do now?

Ellie sighed again and stood to pace, trying to think. She couldn't call Garth. She _wouldn't _call Garth, because he'd wanna bring her right back in and he prolly knew where Sammy was which was a whole _other _mess… She certainly couldn't call any angels. The only one that may or may not have cared about her was in Purgatory for the rest of his days.

And she was _not _calling Sam. Nope. Not happening.

She just had to figure out how deep this thing went, and what they were actually up to. Then she could decide whether she needed to intervene or not. Her gut was telling her something was funny here, but she really, _really _didn't want to get involved. Something this big would attract attention from other hunters. People like Garth, who'd prolly figure out it'd been her in a heartbeat. But then there were innocent folks here, and wasn't that what she was all about? The goddamn family motto, coming back to haunt her again.

"Savin' people. Killin' things," she muttered under her breath.

Fat load of good that job'd done her.

*.*.*

No one approached her over the next few days, not even when she deliberately cut through the woods on a jog. She still felt eyes on her, though, and if she turned fast enough she swore she saw the shadow of _something _disappearing behind a tree or a building.

She went about business as usual. She'd finished Letty's kitchen and started pulling up the decking, relieved to find that most of the underlying structure wasn't as bad as the planks on top. They came away like rotted teeth, sagging and soft in a way that made her wonder if Letty knew she'd been at risk of stepping right on through one someday. She liked the work. It was physical, and while being exertive, it meant she could focus on something other than her own paranoid thoughts.

She kinda wished they'd send Quil after her again. He'd crack under pressure like a ripe watermelon. She could tell. Maybe they could tell too, and that was why she didn't see hide nor hair of him.

Nights were… well, she didn't like the night. Never had. She'd never really stopped having nightmares. They'd just changed in tone and frequency. Most nights she could get some shut-eye. And then there were the nights she'd see some bastard with burnt out eyes - she couldn't picture how he'd looked before, the image of him _after _Castiel got there was too horrific to forget easily - reaching for her. Or it'd be Castiel himself, with the madness of the Leviathans bottled up within him, breaking every promise he ever made. Or it'd be Sam, eyes cold and soulless as he came after her.

Last night had been bad. Last night had been Castiel, twisted by his own tainted power. She wished sometimes she could burn his name outta her soul, just _erase _him so she didn't have this festering wound he'd left behind. It had been so hard, so _hard, _to have him around after all he'd done. Having him gone was somehow even worse.

So yeah, lifting planks and banging nails in with unnecessary force was good enough therapy for everything she had pent up at the moment.

She set the hammer down when her stomach started to growl, standing up to stretch out her limbs properly. She closed her eyes for a moment to bask in the sunshine that had been beating down on her back all morning. Way off to the east, a few clouds threatened. She figured with a lazy wind like this they'd hold off for a good while. She shed the flannel she'd donned to protect herself from getting burnt, rolling her shoulders as she did.

Ducking inside, it took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the gloom compared to the bright outdoors. She threw the flannel she'd been holding over her shoulder and went through to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Letty's daytime soap opera was blaring in the room over, making her shake her head. As quick as she was, she was still just a little old lady at heart.

She grabbed some bread and ham from the fridge and set about making a sandwich, humming to herself as she did so. She glanced up slyly a couple times to see if her possibly wolfy shadow was still there. They were. She couldn't quite see who it was, though. She thought maybe Embry, but then all those boys were similar build so it was difficult to say without a better look.

The phone rang. She glanced at it on the counter, realising that Letty must've forgotten to take it through the the living room with her.

"Peterson residence, what can I do for y'all," she said absently, focused on spreading the spicy mustard out.

"Er, yes, hello," came a female voice. "Is this… is this Leticia?"

"Naw, Letty's in the room over. Lemme just hand you over real quick." She put down the knife and strode through to the living room, handing the phone to Letty. "Phone's for you."

"Who is it?"

Ellie shrugged. "Some woman."

Letty frowned and lifted the phone to her ear. "Hello?"

Ellie took that as her cue to leave and continue making her sandwiches. She took them out onto the half-done porch to sit in the sunshine, munching her way through them with practised efficiency. Life on the road hadn't done much in regards to her table manners, but it meant she could eat a quarter pounder meal in about five seconds flat before Dean could start hollering that she was getting crumbs all over Baby's interior.

Plus she still ate like she was starving, because a person never really forgets what that's like.

A heavier tread alerted her to Letty coming out to join her, leaning against the doorway rather than tryna navigate the unfinished planks.

Letty cleared her throat. "That was Susan."

Ellie blinked at her, setting down the last few bites of her sandwich. "Susan, your daughter?"

"Susan Lahote," Letty said. She broke into a tremulous smile. "She calls herself Sookie. Sookie Lahote."

"What did she say?"

"She wants to meet me. Look." Letty held out her hands for inspection. "I'm trembling. I don't know whether to be excited or terrified."

"You should be excited," Ellie said, smiling softly. "You wanted this, remember? You finally get to meet your baby girl."

"Ellie, please come with me," the old woman said desperately. "I need someone for moral support and I don't think bringing my lawyer to our first meeting is in good taste."

"Of course I'll come with you." Ellie stood and brushed herself off, picking her way over to Letty with the sure feet of someone who'd run over half-rotted roofs and exposed beams many a time before. "Where does she wanna meet?"

"Her house. She's on the reservation. She wants me to come over now, can you believe it?"

Ellie froze for a second. "The reservation?" Somehow, she didn't think she'd be too welcome there.

Letty didn't notice, rightfully caught up in her nerves. "Yes. Well, she lives there with her son, Paul. I have a grandson, Ellie. A _grandson." _

_Paul. _So she had been right about him.

"That's real great, Letty," Ellie murmured distractedly. "Listen, I think I should prolly just stay here and finish off the house work. You don't want me in the way."

"Oh, no, but you have to come! Please, dear." Letty was looking up at her beseechingly, seeming genuinely upset by the thought of having to go by herself.

"You don't need me there," she tried to argue.

"I do," Letty insisted. "You're my good luck. Only good things have happened since you've been here."

"That's because I haven't been here long," Ellie muttered. She sighed. "Alright, I'll come along. Wouldn't want you drivin' in the state you're in anyway. You sure she said right now?"

"She said whenever I could make it over, and I said I'd be there right away." Letty twisted her hands nervously. "Oh, am I making a mistake? I don't want to seem too eager."

"You're not makin' a mistake," Ellie said, taking her hands gently to stop her from wringing them to ribbons. "This is what you wanted. Now, let's go see Sookie Lahote."

If she was going back to the Reservation, she was taking a goddamn gun with her. And silver bullets. If these fuckers were werewolves she wasn't going to take any chances with them getting to Letty.

*.*.*

Sookie Lahote practically threw open the door when they got there, her eyes flicking dismissively over Ellie before settling on Letty and staying put. She blinked like she needed to check the sight before her twice.

Letty looked awed. Ellie nudged her to get her to say something.

"Hello," the old lady said faintly.

"Letty Peterson?" Sookie said uncertainly. Her voice was nice, kinda deep and melodic. The kind you'd want reading you bedtime stories and singing lullabies.

"Sure is," Ellie volunteered when Letty failed to respond, too busy gawking at her daughter. "Hi, I'm Ellie Deyes, I'm stayin' with Letty at the moment and she asked me to drive her. Hope you don't mind."

"No bother," Sookie said. She stood back from the door. "Well, guess you'd better come on in before people think you're trying to sell me something."

They followed her into a sitting room and sat at her direction on a threadbare couch. Ellie glanced surreptitiously around her while Sookie got them coffee. It was an old house, and worn. There wasn't any carpet. Sookie Lahote hadn't lived a life of comfort, that's for sure.

"Sookie," Ellie commented when she same back. "Odd name."

Sookie shrugged. "There was already a Sue when I was growing up. Couldn't be two, so everyone called me Sookie instead."

"I like it," Letty said quietly. "You look like a Sookie."

Ellie stood, picking up her mug of coffee. "I'm gonna go drink this on the porch. Enjoy some more sunshine before that rain rolls in again. Y'all call me if you need me." She sauntered out of the room, casual as you like. This wasn't her reunion, after all.

She sat on the old wooden bench on the porch and sipped her coffee, wondering what she would've said if it was. If somehow she could find her momma after all these years, what would she even say to her?

_Why'd you never tell me?_

Ellie'd had a great childhood, prolly better than most. She'd been loved by her mother, and doted on by her father when he did eventually visit. She used to ask John about all the places he'd been when he came to see her. He'd tell her stories about them. She recognised now that most of 'em were fake, since the real accounts weren't PG friendly, but it was nice of him to let her think he was normal.

Still, if he'd told her, maybe they wouldn't have been hunted.

Or maybe they would've. It was hard to decide if knowing would've helped them or hindered them. Her momma knew and she still got herself killed, so really there wasn't much she could've done about it. Maybe paid more attention when Dad taught her to shoot, but she'd taken to that pretty well once she'd started doing it regularly.

Movement caught her eye and she drained the rest of her cup before setting it down outta the way, her hand drifting towards her hip where her gun was holstered under her enormous Stanford hoodie. She'd stolen it to piss Sam off. He'd loved the damn thing.

Paul was walking up to the house. He caught sight of her and paused momentarily, frowning.

She didn't relax. Not yet. He could be one of 'em.

"What are you doing on my porch?" He asked, pausing at the bottom of the steps.

"Here with a friend," she said easily. "This is your house?"

"Yeah."

"That's your mom?"

"Yeah." He looked confused by where she was going with this.

Ellie sighed. "Look, I dunno how much she's told you about what you're about to walk into, but be nice to Letty. She's just a sweet old lady."

"Letty Peterson?" Paul frowned, thoroughly lost. "What's she doing here?"

"She's the friend I mentioned earlier."

"So what's she _doing _here?"

Ellie shrugged. "Go ask her. Not my place to say."

He gave her another curious look and walked up and into the house. She trailed after him. Better not to leave Letty alone and outnumbered in enemy territory, after all.

Sookie and Letty were sitting on the same couch now, albeit at opposite ends. Letty looked like she mighta been crying, dabbing at her eyes discreetly as Sookie turned to greet Paul.

"Paul," she said, looking slightly alarmed. "I thought you were busy all today."

"I was, Ma," he said, coming to kiss her cheek before throwing himself in the worn armchair in the corner. "I came home early."

"Alright. Well," Sookie looked nervous, and Ellie thought she could see a little of Letty in the way she pursed her lips. "I got something to tell you and it's not something you'd expect."

"Why's Mrs Peterson here?"

"I'm getting to that," Sookie said. She took a deep breath. "Paul, this is your grandmother. My mother."

Paul paused in his assessment of the room. "What?"

"Pardon," Sookie corrected, seemingly out of habit. "Letty is… my biological mother. And… you remember Grandpa's stories about Uncle Earl?"

"Some of 'em," Paul said warily.

"Well… he was my biological father." Sookie was watching her son keenly for his reaction, tense. Ellie took note of it. Maybe Paul had a temper or something.

Paul looked at Letty.

"I know you," he said slowly. "You've got that big house in town. You tried to burn it down."

"That was an accident," Letty said quickly. "It's very nice to meet you, Paul. You can just call me Letty if you like."

He shook his head. "Why are you here?"

"I wanted to meet my daughter," Letty said, smiling at Sookie.

Paul frowned. "You don't have a right to be here."

"Paul," Sookie said warningly.

"It's alright, Sookie," Letty said, looking a little nervous again. "I know that… it's a difficult thing to accept. For everyone."

"It's not hard to accept," Paul said. "Hell, anyone can get pregnant and adopt a baby out. What I want to know is how long you sat in that big, expensive, empty house before you decided to come and slum with us."

"_Paul," _Sookie said, firmer. "You don't talk like that to her. She didn't know who we were for a long time, it's not like she could stand on the street corner and ask around."

"I had to wait until Howard died," Letty said hesitantly, eyes flicking between Paul and Sookie. "He never knew about the baby."

Something flickered in Paul's eyes. "Mom," he said, "How did Uncle Earl die?"

Sookie stood slowly. "Paul Lahote, you better calm down right now. You know how Uncle Earl died and you never met him so don't go pretending it was some great loss to you."

"You never met him either," Paul snapped. His hands were starting to shake a little. "Doesn't that _bother _you?"

"No," Sookie said. "I was raised by wonderful parents. All I can remember is them. You can't miss what you never had."

"_Mom."_

"I _said,_ you better calm down," Sookie repeated firmly. "This is my business and if anyone should be upset about it, it's me, and I'm not. So don't you go getting angry about it."

He growled. _Growled. _Like a dog. Ellie felt her eyebrows shoot up.

"Paul," Sookie said delicately, "Why don't you go for a run?"

"I just got back."

"And I'm kicking you out again, honey."

"For her?" Paul looked furious for a second before he deflated and shook his head in resignation. "_Fine. _I'm going to Sam's."

"Not Jake's?"

Paul hesitated, and she could've sworn she saw him glance at her before he answered. "Jake's got company."

Sookie nodded, understanding some inside thing that the rest of them weren't privy to. "Alright. Go on, then."

He left, muttering under his breath. Ellie watched him go curiously, sure she'd seen his limbs shivering and shaking. Was he having a fit?

"Sorry about him," Sookie was saying when she turned back to their conversation. "He'll come around. He just doesn't take surprises very well."

"I hope I didn't cause any trouble," Letty fretted.

Sookie waved her off. "My boy's always been prone to tantrums. We'll have a big long talk and he can rant and rave all he wants then, but not while I have guests."

Ellie let the rest of the conversation wash over her, keeping an ear out for any other mention of goddamn community work or mysterious guests. Or Jacob Black, since he seemed to be the epicenter of weird in this town.

Sookie approached her as she was rinsing her mug in the sink, having left Letty to her own devices in the other room for a moment.

"I want to thank you," the older woman said quietly. "I know you're the one who talked her into taking action on this. I couldn't believe it when that lawyer contacted me, but now..."

"I'm just glad Letty gets to meet you," Ellie said. "You don't need to thank me. She would've done it herself eventually, when she got the nerve. She's really nice, Sookie. I hope it works out for y'all."

Sookie shrugged, smiling. "Either way. Now I know what happened. Thank you."

*.*.*

_**Sioux Falls**_

_**Then**_

*.*.*

She was cleaning guns when she noticed Sam standing like a spectre in her peripheral vision. She resisted the urge to point one of the intact barrels at him outta sheer instinct.

"Damn it, Sam," she muttered. "Don't sneak 'round like that in a house with this many weapons."

"Sorry," he said, and he sounded like Sammy, he really did. And then she looked in his eyes and they were dead.

This wasn't Sam. Not the Sam who'd given her Tylenol after her first unfortunate foray into drinking. Not the Sam who stuck up for her, and let her braid his hair after he'd had a few beers so long as she was sworn to secrecy first.

This Sam was cold, as much as he tried to hide it.

"What're you doin' here anyway? I thought you'd be out with your… uh… _family."_

"You're my family too." He sat down across the table from her. "Look, I actually got in late last night. I'm surprised you didn't hear me. Your light was on."

"I wasn't payin' attention." She glanced at him again. "Guess you'n Dean were right about me not bein' cut out to be hunter."

"Guess so." His eyes were still sharp on her while she cleaned the barrel. It was like he was waiting for something. "Hey, you know what I never realized before last night?"

"What?"

"You can see right into your room when the light's on."

She froze for a moment. "That so?" she murmured after a moment, setting down the barrel real carefully.

"Sure is."

She eyed him. "I'm sure, big brother you are, you wouldn't be spyin' on me."

"Sure, sure," he said easily. "And I'm sure you wouldn't be sneaking around with angels."

Ellie sat back. "I'm sure you'd be right. I'm not."

"Wonder what Dean would say," he mused. "You and his pal Cas getting it on."

"Two flaws in your plan," she said. "One, I'm not gettin' it on with Castiel. Two, Dean ain't here, so he has no say in anythin'."

"He'll probably try to kill Cas. He's got a nasty temper."

She scoffed. "What's in this for you, Sam? Why are you even bringin' this up?"

"I'm just saying," He said, leaning back, slipping back into old-Sam mode. "Be careful. I worry about you."

"Do you?"

He frowned. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Ellie held his gaze. "I dunno. How worried were you when you told Bobby to keep me in the dark? How worried were you when I was out gettin' blasted, thinkin' my brother was dead? How worried were you when ran off to your other family again?"

He blinked at her. "Ellie, that's not-"

She cut him off. "You weren't. You weren't, and you're not. _Bobby _is. And believe it or not, Castiel is too. So I'm gonna listen to them, and when you can be my - _our _\- Sammy again, then I'll give a damn what you think."

"Why don't you trust me anymore?"

"I could ask you the same goddamn thing." She stood and reassembled her gun as quickly as she could, practised hands slipping parts back into place. She tucked it into her waistband and walked away into the back of the house, hands trailing over bookshelves as she looked for something she could delve into to take her mind off of things.

The front door shut behind Sam, making her flinch slightly.

In some ways, it was even worse having this cruel mockery of him back.

*.*.*

Ellie hung the curtain rod back up, and Castiel kept his word. He came back about a week later. The bags under his eyes were more pronounced. He looked tired. Ellie found herself reaching up to trace the faint lines on his face before she'd even really registered his presence. He closed his eyes and allowed it, his face relaxing under her touch.

"Hey, stranger," she said. "How's Heaven?"

"Awful." He opened his eyes to look at her. "My brethren still fight. But there's hope. We may yet win."

"How?" When he hesitated, she backpedalled. "Shit. I didn't mean to sound like I don't think you can do it, I mean, if anyone's gonna defeat the odds, it's prolly you, you sure helped us out when… well, y'know…"

"Eleanor," he said, "It's alright. I don't doubt your faith in me."

"Well, alright. Good." She stepped back and fidgeted a little. "Uh, listen… Sam saw us."

He frowned. "Sam saw us?"

"When we were… y'know… kissin'."

"Oh." He considered the information for a moment. "Is this a problem?"

"It could be." Ellie shrugged. "I don't know if anyone human is gonna react much better than the angels did. We're not exactly in chartered territory here."

"The angels don't know for sure," Castiel admitted. "They assume. They know I come to you. That's enough to make you a vulnerability."

"This house is warded out the wazoo," Ellie said. "Plus, I'm warded. Hex bag'n all."

"This house isn't protected from angels. The hex bag is a start, but it would be better to have a more permanent protection."

"What kinda protection?" Ellie asked warily, taking a tiny step back.

"Something always on your person." He reached out for her.

"You better not be talkin' about that rib thing," she warned, backing up further. "_Castiel. _Stop, damn it!"

He paused. "I just want to keep you safe," he said, almost pleadingly. "This will keep you safe."

"This will make me your property," she corrected, still wary. "I know what the Enochian says. I don't want your _dibs _written all over my bones."

"It's a warning, not a declaration of ownership."

"Could've fooled me," she muttered. "Look, I have my hex bag. I will never be without my hex bag. That's enough protection. If I start bein' actively hunted by angels, we'll revisit this. Until then, I'm gonna kick your ass if you try tattooin' my ribs without my consent again."

He shrugged. "You're not likely to cause lasting damage. You have a diminutive stature."

"I pack a pretty good punch when I want to," she said, eyebrows raised.

"I'm an angel of the Lord."

"Honey, you can't use that as your trump card every time." She reached out absently and touched her fingers to the skin of his wrist, just under the sleeve, comforted by the hum of his grace against her fingertips.

"I can't stay long," he said, gazing down at where they touched but making no further move.

"You never can." Ellie glanced up at him, nervous. "Hey, Castiel?"

He switched his focus back to her and she wished he hadn't. His eyes were so goddamn intense, they made her heart start thumping like she was about to confess in church.

_Lord, here goes._

"Was the other day… well…" she swallowed her jitters. "Was it just an experiment?"

"An experiment?" He frowned at her. "What do you mean?"

She flapped her free hand, wishing she hadn't said anything at all. "Nothin'! Never mind. Don't mind me at all. Just forget it."

He tilted his head. "I already told you that I enjoyed it. Was that wrong?"

She giggled, still a little shrill. "No! No, I just… damn, I don't even know how to do this with human boys and you're just… so much more than that."

"Really? I had thought you were promiscuous before."

She laughed for real now. "Well, look where that got me. I'm a goddamn statistic now. And those don't count anyway."

Castiel frowned. "I don't want you to feel uncomfortable. I should have kept my affections to myself. I'd thought this might happen."

Ellie was confused. "What would happen?"

"You're... having second thoughts."

"No!" Ellie blurted out. "Castiel, no, I'm just confused whether there's anythin' to have second thoughts _about. _The angels ain't confirmed it, you said. Well, what haven't they confirmed? D'you just want someone to sleep with? Because I gotta be honest with you, honey, I got some serious abandonment issues right now, so if you're gonna split, just lemme know before this goes too far."

He blinked, taking a moment to process all the colloqualisms she'd thrown at him.

"I don't just want someone to... _sleep with,"_ he said slowly, as if testing that he was on the right track. "I can't offer you anything, Eleanor. I don't have anything _to _offer. Just… my company, I suppose."

"I like your company," Ellie blurted out.

Castiel nodded like this was information of the gravest importance. "I'm glad."

"I just want you to know," she said, averting her gaze momentarily, "I really can't handle too much more upheaval right now. So if it's you and me, then it's you and me and no one else. If I'm… if I'm the right partner, I better be the only one."

His head tilted consideringly. "You're asking me to be faithful?"

"Yes."

"I hadn't considered being _un_faithful," he admitted. "You have my word. You and me, and no one else."

She let out a breath she hadn't realised she was holding. "Good. Yeah. Good."

"Heaven is calling me," Castiel said after a moment, coming as close to fidgeting as she'd ever seen. "I have to answer, or they'll come looking for me."

Impulsively, she stretched up and kissed his mouth softly, dropping back to the flats of her feet after a moment. "For luck," she said, smiling.

He gazed at her for a moment, and then his lips were against hers again and his hands were cradling her skull through her thick hair, somewhere between pulling her to him and holding her to stillness while he came to her. She rose again onto her tiptoes, winding her own arms around his shoulders and tilting her head to allow him better access. His grace hummed and tingled through her like bursts of lightning, brilliant and bright and almost too much.

They were both breathing heavily when they stopped, Castiel resting his forehead against hers for a moment before straightening up.

"I may have needed more luck," he said gravely, straightening his coat before he winked out of existence.

"Was that a joke?" Eleanor called to the empty space.

*.*.*

She couldn't pinpoint how they'd gotten here, but at some point they'd started getting naked and tumbling into bed every time Castiel came to visit.

Or the wall. Or the floor. Most of the time they didn't make it to the bed.

She'd made damn sure her curtains were closed for _that. _

Anyone else and she was sure she would've panicked, given what she'd been through, but something about Castiel just made her relax. She trusted him, maybe more than was smart. She didn't care. He made her feel alive.

She thought maybe she might even love him a little, sometimes. She didn't really know anything about that business though, and it wasn't like Castiel was any help. So they… _cared _for each other. And they had great sex once she taught him a few key things about the female anatomy. Which was kind of awesome.

She was currently trying to squeeze back into her jeans, having heard Bobby pull up to the house. Castiel kept trying to snag her back and she shoved him away playfully.

"You've gotta go!" she whispered. "Unless you wanna explain that we've been knockin' boots behind everyone's backs."

"Knocking…" He repeated to himself, frowning for a moment before his eyes lit up with realisation. "Ah. Another euphemism for sex. I understand."

"Glad to hear it." She re-tied her hair into a ponytail and winced when she spotted herself in the mirror. "Castiel, I thought we agreed no more hickeys. You gotta fix this."

He came up behind her, fully dressed again, to brush his fingertips against the bruising. It vanished like it had never been there in the first place.

"I don't like having to hide our relationship," Castiel said.

"You're just too honest for your own good," she teased. "Look, once this whole mess quiets down we'll be safe to do whatever we please, right? You can come clean about everythin' then."

"Assuming I don't die."

"Well, I guess this just gives you extra incentive to win." She turned and stretched up on her tiptoes to kiss him softly. "Go on. Go do your angel thing."

He hesitated.

"What's wrong?"

"Dean is back now," he said. "Does that change things?"

"Why would it?"

"You said Sam mentioned he would be displeased if he found out about our intercourse, and you always seemed very close with Dean. I assume his opinion would sway you."

She snorted. "One, neither of them knows about our _intercourse_ and they'd prolly both find it equally disturbin'. Two, it's none of their business and they can be as unhappy as they want about it if they find out."

"Are you sure we aren't better to let them know?"

"Trust me, hon," she said, rising up to peck his mouth once more.

He caught her face, gently trapping her.

"I want to give you the world," he said, oddly intense. "When we win this war, I want you to be by my side. Helping me rule."

"Rule?" She wrinkled her nose. "I'd be a terrible leader. I have no idea how Heaven works, and I'm not awful keen to get a close up look until I have to. Anyway, I don't want the world. Just you'd do quite nicely. Leave the rulin' to the bureaucrats."

"Bureaucracy is what got us here in the first place. Heaven needs an active leader."

She tilted her head back so she could look at him properly. He didn't usually talk about the future with her, he just made vague statements. "Castiel," she said cautiously, "How long've you been thinkin' about this?"

"The angels trust me as their leader. It's a natural conclusion. Think about it." His grip tightened slightly, his eyes fervent and bright. "Us together. Helping people."

She placed her hands over his wrists. "I just don't want you to get all caught up in power. Look what happened to Uriel when he got a taste of it. Or any of them hotshots that caused this mess. They're _awful._"

"I'd be better," he promised. "You'd make me better. Say you'll stand with me, when the time comes."

She heard Bobby shouting her name from downstairs. Slowly, she nodded.

"I still believe in you, Castiel," she said. "I believe you wanna do good things. Don't ever do anythin' to make me doubt that, and I'll follow you wherever you go. Simple as that."

The smile he gave her was almost as bright as his grace when he flashed off to wherever he was needed next.

She pounded down the stairs, silly grin still in place, to see Dean standing beside Bobby. Her smile faltered and she debated going right back upstairs.

"Wait," Dean said, holding out his hands like she was some spooked animal. "I know you're mad. But you've already punched me twice-" Ellie's lips twitched slightly. "-and I really don't want to go for round three. Can't we just work something out?"

Her eyes flickered to Bobby, who was staring at her with raised eyebrows as if to say _get on with it, ya idjits. _Figures he'd be hoping for a Winchester reunion.

"I got work soon," Ellie said flatly. "Make it fast."

"You work?" He looked amused despite himself. "What, there was a shortage of karate teachers?"

She gave him a withering look. "Shut up, I heard all about your lil' business in the suburbs. Must be real nice, havin' a family like that."

He winced. "Ellie, Sam told me to get away from hunting before he went in the Cage. That's what I was doing."

"Did he tell you to get away from _me?"_

Dean sighed. "Ellie-"

"Nope. Not doin' this." She descended the rest of the way and breezed past them, pausing by Bobby. "Don't get me wrong," she said, whirling back to face her brother. "I'm glad you're back, Dean. I really am. But you've always been an idjit and this time it had consequences." She glanced at Bobby. "If y'all need me, I'll be at the diner."

"Your shift don't start for two hours," Bobby said pointedly.

"I know," she said. "I'm obviously avoidin' you."

Bobby sighed. "Sit your ass down, we got stuff to talk about that concerns all of us."

"Like what?" she challenged.

"Like how Sam got back from Lucifer's Cage," Dean said gruffly. "I didn't sell my soul for him, Ellie."

She scoffed. Like she'd believe _that. _

"No one'd take it," he said flatly.

Ellie frowned. _That, _she'd believe. "So you tried?"

"Crossroads and everything," Dean confirmed. "No one would cut me a deal."

She looked at him hard for a long moment, then her shoulders dropped with reluctant acceptance. "_Fine. _You got me. Let's figure out this sucker."

"Great," Dean said, clapping his hands together.

"Don't celebrate just yet," she muttered, pushing past him to get to the table strewn with lore and Bobby's notes. Bobby followed her, shaking his head.

"It's progress," Dean said aloud, to no one in particular it seemed. "Right?"

*.*.*

"Who's the guy?"

Ellie looked up slowly, the words taking a moment to register through the haze of obscure information she'd been sifting through. "Whaddaya mean?"

Dean frowned and glanced sidelong at her. They were driving along in Baby, off to check out a local disturbance. He'd claimed he wanted to take her out and show her the ropes, make sure she hadn't gotten too rusty. She was thinking now that he'd prolly had a different agenda.

"You've been sneaking around. Don't think I haven't noticed."

She rolled her eyes. "Dean, I could fill a goddamn book with things you don't notice."

He frowned again and she could tell he was dying to ask what else he'd missed, but then his resolve was back. He must've really wanted to know.

"Just answer the question, kid."

"I'm not sixteen, for Christ's sake," she complained. "How old do I gotta be for you to quit callin' me kid?"

"I just call 'em like I see 'em. You're still a kid." He turned down another long country road, much like the last. "And you shouldn't be in a relationship because kids don't have relationships."

"Well now, good thing it's just a lotta casual sex with strangers."

He braked hard and she yelped, almost hitting the dash despite her seat belt.

"Damn it, Dean, it was a joke," she grumbled, rubbing her chest where the belt had pulled tight. "I'm not in _anythin'_ right now, you're just bein' paranoid."

"You sure about that?"

"Why're you askin' me this all of a sudden?" she demanded. "What's gotten into you?"

"Someone saw you."

"Someone?" she echoed suspiciously. "Or Sammy?"

"So there is a guy!" Dean said, triumphant at winning even while pissed at the idea of his sister seeing someone.

"Yes, there's a guy," she said with a groan. "There's been plenty of guys, actually, since copin' mechanisms in our family are notoriously _shit, _but this one's different." He opened his mouth and she cut him off, holding one hand up. "Uh-uh, honey. Back off. All I'm sayin' is yes, he's good to me, no, you can't meet him, and no, I ain't tellin' you his name so you can track him down."

He opened his mouth again.

"That's _all," _she said firmly.

He narrowed his eyes at her before reluctantly returning his focus to the road, easing out from the shoulder into the lane again.

"Bobby mentioned it," he said gruffly after a few seconds. "About when I left. What you got up to."

"Bobby don't know the half of it," she said, a little bitter. "Don't you worry about it. I'm sure you've got some lovely memories of suburbia to think about instead."

"I didn't meant to abandon you, Ellie."

"Then you shouldn't've done it," she said sharply. She cracked open the book to where she'd been scanning last, trying to find a specific ritual they might end up needing if this was what they thought.

"You dropped outta school again."

"That I did."

"I wish you hadn't."

She snapped the book shut and walloped him on the shoulder with it. Hard.

"Hey!" he exclaimed angrily, correcting the involuntary swerve he'd made. "You trying to get us killed?"

"Don't talk about my life like you give a damn," she snapped. "I get that I came along later but Jesus fuckin' Christ, Dean, it sure woulda been nice if you could've _pretended _I mattered after Sam died! You left. So you don't get to talk to me about school or my goddamn boyfriend or really _anythin' _because you _weren't there. _And I'll be sure to tell Sam, _again, _that he needs to mind his own business just the same as you."

His grip on the steering wheel tightened, as did his jaw.

"I wanted to be there," he said.

"But you weren't." Ellie glared at the side of his stupid head. "So stop actin' like we can go back to how it was before. Let's just get this stupid hunt done and get the hell outta here."

"Sammy wasn't around?" He asked quietly, a few long minutes later. "When he got back, he didn't come find you?"

She scoffed. "'Course not. He even asked Bobby not to tell me he was back, and that old fool actually _listened _to him. I found out he was back when he needed bait for a hunt and thought I'd be a good candidate."

"He did _what?" _There was old overprotective Dean, rearing his hypocritical head.

"Relax, Bobby didn't lemme go."

"At least someone had some goddamn sense," he muttered. "Wasn't Cas there? He said he'd keep an eye on you if we weren't around after… well, you know."

She shrugged, pulling a face to hide her knee-jerk reaction to hearing Dean ask her about Cas. "Castiel's busy. He came from time to time."

_Poor choice of words, girl._

She tried not to smirk at her own joke.

"I just… I can't believe it," Dean said. "Sam wouldn't sell you out like that."

"No," she said, "He wouldn't. Which is why that's not Sam."

Dean glanced at her sharply. "Whaddaya mean, that's not Sam?"

"You can't tell me you ain't noticed," Ellie said, frowning. "Damn, Dean, I knew you were rusty, but bein' that oblivious is just dangerous. He's… it's like he don't have a conscience anymore. Nothin' bothers him. Torture, lyin'. He doesn't care, s'long as he gets what he wants."

Dean hummed. "Well, I can tell you right now that Hell ain't no picnic, so I'm guessing Lucifer's Cage wasn't either. What Sam went through is probably more than we could ever imagine. That's gotta change a guy, right?"

"Funny," Ellie said, after a beat. "That's what he reckons, too. Didn't sound convincin' from him either."

"I don't get it," Dean said. "You love Sam. You always got along with Sam. Why're you so suspicious of him now?"

"Why're you _not?" _

Dean shrugged. "My brother just came back from the Cage. Alive. I don't know whether I should be questioning this too much."

She stared at him, gobsmacked. "Who are you, and what've you done with Dean Winchester?"

"Kid, c'mon."

"Don't _kid, c'mon _me, idjit," she retorted. "I lost both my brothers, and now I've got 'em both back. Except one is sociopathic and the other's spineless. Damn it, Dean. You _know _I'm right. If this were the other way 'round, if it were Sam who was spookin' about me, you wouldn't even hesitate to find out what was wrong. Why are you ignorin' your instincts?"

"Because it's Sam," he said gruffly.

"And because it's me," she guessed flatly. "Fine. Whatever. You wanna buddy up with Sam and his resurrected fools, be my guest. Just… at least let me be there to help you haul ass when this goes wrong."

He eased the car to a stop, his eyes already glancing over the property. "I thought you were done with this stuff."

"I never said that." She tucked her gun into her waistband and straightened her collar. "Besides, if you thought I was done, you never woulda brought me on a hunt."

He got outta the car instead of replying. Ellie rolled her eyes and followed him.

*.*.*

**Thanks for hanging in there while I did life stuff while this chapter was being written. Much love.**


	12. Chapter 12

**It's a bit shorter this time but a lot punchier. This is the start of many things! Hope you enjoy, and a special sorry to my friend Charlie who's been waiting for this since I told her I was going to definitely finish it a week ago.**

*.*.*

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

*.*.*

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

*.*.*

She could feel eyes on them as they left the Lahote house, Letty obliviously chattering a mile an hour as they got into the cab of her truck. Ellie nodded in what she hoped was the right places and focused on keeping her heart rate slow, her motions steady. She glanced nonchalantly, too quickly to avoid, at the treeline.

Nothing was there.

Her shoulders tensed and her jaw clenched involuntarily.

"Oh, let's stop at the market on the way home," Letty said happily. "I'm gonna cook us a fancy dinner to celebrate what a wonderful day this had been."

"You don't have to do that, Letty," Ellie said absently, easing the truck out of the driveway and back onto the road.

"I want to. I'm just so happy."

"I'm happy for you, too," Ellie said. "Alright. Market. The one in Forks, or the one around here?"

"The one here will be just fine," Letty said decisively. "Saves us from going across town just to pick up some groceries."

Ellie opted to stay with the car when Letty went inside, winding the window down and slumping in the seat with a sigh. Something about Paul was just _off, _in the same was as the rest of Jacob's pals. And who the damn hell was Sam? Was there more of them? She had no idea how many were out there. Sookie had been downright elusive on the subject, which made Ellie suspicious about her too. And she _really _didn't wanna be suspicious of Letty's long-lost daughter.

Letty climbing back into the cab made her flinch slightly, opening her eyes again. The old lady shoved some plastic bags in the footwell and hoisted herself in.

"I hope you like pork chops," she said, beaming. "I got those and I was thinking some hasselback potatoes, they're always nice, and then I've got some things to make a pie but I'll make that tomorrow so that we don't run out of room for it tonight. The chops packet was _enormous."_

"Sounds great, Letty," Ellie murmured, starting the engine again.

Letty peered at her. "Are you alright, dear?"

She forced a smile. "Just a little tired. I'll be fine."

*.*.*

She skimmed the books again. Men who turned to wolves. Protectors of the tribe.

And who worked for the benefit of the tribe here?

_Community workers. _Big, burly men who could sneak up on trained hunters.

It all just... fit.

Paul's mother wasn't afraid of his temper. She was afraid her son would shift in front of them and Big Bad Wolf his grandma.

*.*.*

Ellie stared at the pieces of her old phone, frowning, contemplating.

Garth could send someone down. Make this all go away. She could pack up and be gone before the next hunter even hit Washington.

But then he'd ask questions.

And he'd probably just try and make her deal with it, same as Bobby would've done. Why send a fresh hunter when one was already in the area?

A loud banging and a muffled curse made her head snap up, instantly alert, hands already reaching for her gun. She listened intently.

Another scuffling sound, more of a rip than a bang. Coming from outside. She padded to the window and peered through the side of the curtains at the rapidly darkening yard. No movement. Yet. She raised her gun up and scanned slowly, methodically-

_There. _

A movement in the trees. She narrowed her eyes, trying to make it out. It almost looked like…

"No _friggin' _way," Ellie muttered, still aiming as her brain tried to figure out what to make of this. There was a six-foot wolf on all fours disappearing from the yard. Werewolves didn't usually look so… _wolfy. _They were usually some kind of horrific mix, never fully formed into one or the other.

She stayed put until she was sure it was gone, and then she bolted downstairs and out the back door, gun trained on the shadows as she did a perimeter check.

They'd been here. Whatever _they _were. Some new kind of werewolf or skinwalker maybe. Either way, silver bullets were a good thing to have on hand.

She knelt beside what seemed to be the shredded remains of some sweatpants, frowning in confusion - who ripped up their sweatpants and left them on the lawn? - before she looked further and saw the most enormous, unmistakably not-human footprints that she'd ever seen. They were deep and messy, like whatever had been here had landed and then launched itself straight outta the yard. Gulping, she placed her hand in one to check the size. It outspanned her on all sides and it was about three inches deep. She felt a trickle of fear down her spine. This sucker was _big. _

She stood again, eyes and gun tracking. Whatever it was, it was gone.

She'd heard someone swear. That meant human. Or human-lookin' monster. It _had _to be one of those unfriendly locals. They'd been tracking her again and got careless. Made a mistake, made a noise, had to flee. Paul was one of them. She was willing to bet Embry and Quil, too. With the ever-present Jacob as their leader.

Well, she could damn well track them right back if one of 'em was leaving prints like these. She'd been so tempted to call Garth, to get him to send someone, but now she had to face facts. There was no _time _for someone else to drive all the way out here. If she left it until the next day, they could get away and she'd never know who it was outside her house. What it was.

She was gonna have to do this herself. In the dark. With no certain way to kill the thing. Things. _Christ Almighty._

Ellie groaned and ran back into the house, up the stairs, into her attic. She jammed the pieces of her old phone together and prayed that it had some juice left. The thing actually turned on, which was always a good sign. Her hands were shaking slightly as she navigated the device, making her scowl.

_Get a grip, Winchester. _

"That's a lotta missed calls," she mumbled to herself, scrolling through unknown numbers - prolly Garth on various phones, tryna catch her unguarded again - and a couple from Embry. Jeez, she was more popular than she realised.

She hit redial for the number she recognised from last time, breathing deeply to try and calm her nerves. She shoved the phone in the crook of her shoulder and started shoving some stuff in a backpack. Spare ammo. Salt. Holy water. The basics, which she had no hope in hell of fitting into the tiny pockets on her jeans.

It rang a couple times before Garth picked up.

"You got Garth," he said, sounding distracted.

"Garth," she said, her hands stalling for a moment in their rummaging. She cleared her throat and tried to sound confident again. It was a little difficult with her heart poundin' in her windpipe like that. "It's Eleanor."

"Oh, hey, how ya d- wait, Eleanor? Eleanor Winchester? This _is _Eleanor Winchester, right? Not some other Eleanor."

"Same Eleanor as always," Ellie confirmed. "Look, I wasn't gonna call you, but I'm on a hunt and I need you to send someone out if I don't contact you in a couple days."

"No problem. Boy, I'm glad you called. We thought you'd been kidnapped or somethin' when you didn't pick up. I've been tryin' to get ahold of you-"

"No, Garth," she said firmly. "I'm outta the game, so don't call me anymore. I don't even know how you got this damn number. This hunt's just somethin' that popped up that needs dealin' with. I'll call you when it's done and _that's it_."

"Yeah, okay, but I think you're gonna change your mind when I tell you-"

She cleared her throat again. "I'm in Forks, Washington, headed towards La Push. Think it's either werewolves or gigantic skinwalkers. Heard anythin' about wolf activity out this way?"

"Plenty, but that's not why I was tryin' to get ahold of you-"

"Hit me with the wolfy stuff. Anyone checked it out before?"

"No, there was some suspicious activity, y'now, a couple years back, but it's been quiet since then so we figured whatever it was must've moved on before we could get there - look, I'm tryin' to tell you something important here, so if you'll just let me finish-"

"I don't wanna hear it," Ellie interrupted again. "Whatever it is, I don't care. You got my back or not?"

"Girl, you know I always do. And are you sure, because it's some news I'm _pretty_ sure you'll find interestin' enough to emerge from Nowhere, Washington-"

"Garth. I'm hangin' up on you now." She threw down the phone and slung on her backpack, eyeing the darkness that was settling outside with distaste. At least the moon was bright tonight. That'd make it easy to shoot, even if it made werewolves harder to catch.

_A couple years back, _Garth had said. She was willing to bet that made it post-apocalypse time. Castiel-gone-crazy time.

But she didn't like to dwell on that time.

*.*.*

_**Location unknown**_

_**Then**_

*.*.*

Ellie woke up cold, alone, and hurting in a dark room. The stone floor was damp and her head was pounding. She sat up slowly, wincing and letting out a quiet hiss as her head gave a particularly violent throb and the world spun sickeningly.

She squinted into the darkness when it settled, looking for clues as to where she was. The room was more than likely some kind of cell. No windows to the outside. The faint outline of a door on the opposite side, with just one tiny window at about eye level.

She put her fingertips to her head gingerly and was comforted when they didn't come away wet. No bleeding at the moment, then. Always a good sign.

Ellie stood and almost crumpled over again from her dizziness, throwing an arm out to brace herself against the wall just in time. She squeezed her eyes shut again against the vertigo momentarily before straightening up carefully, working her way along the wall until she was at the door.

The eye slot was too tall, but maybe if she just got right up on her tiptoes…

"I don't see the appeal," a voice behind her commented.

Ellie turned and was almost blinded by the bright light of an angel in such a dark space. She instinctively threw a hand in front of her eyes for a second, waiting to adjust before she managed to blearily peer at whoever was there.

"Raphael?" she said in disbelief, unsure whether she would've rather had demons kidnap her or not.

The angel inclined her head. "I had heard rumours you could see what we truly are. I see that is true. Tell me, how do I look?"

She eyed him uncertainly for a moment. "Bright," she said at last. "Too big for your vessel."

Raphael sighed. "Yes, it's much like trying to fit a supernova in a car, but it at least means humans are useful for _something."_

"Why am I here?" Ellie demanded, not wanting to gab with a homicidal angel any longer than she had to.

She scoffed. "Like you don't know. Tell me, what lengths do you imagine Castiel will go to in order to get you back? He seems to have a weakness for Winchesters, and you…" Raphael eyed her distastefully. "Well, you're his _special _Winchester, aren't you?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about," Ellie lied, her heart pounding. "Me'n Castiel are friends. Same as my brothers."

"I hope you're not implying he does _that _with your siblings too," Raphael said, her lip curling. "Does his depravity know no bounds? Is he polygamous as well?"

She glared at the angel. "You think you're real clever, don't you? Tryin' to trick me into defendin' whatever it is you think I have with Castiel. Well, it won't work, because I'm tellin' the truth. We're not together."

"But he does care for you. Even if you are telling the truth, that's enough to make him angry." Raphael's eyes flashed and her grace shivered under her skin, like it was waiting to be unfurled. "_Irrational." _

"He doesn't give a damn," Ellie snapped. "Not like you think he does. So either kill me or let me go, 'cause I ain't gonna be much use in your plan."

"Oh, but you are," the angel said softly. "You've already been useful. Tell me, how do you think those brothers of yours will react to their sweet baby sister going missing?"

Ellie froze. "Don't you involve them in this. They ain't got nothin' to do with this."

"Oh, but they do. And who do you think they'll call on for help finding you? That is…" Raphael paused, rocking back on her feet. "If he hasn't already noticed your absence himself."

Ellie tried to lunge for him but toppled over instead, groaning. Her stomach lurched unpleasantly from the sudden motion.

"Weak," Raphael sneered. "Pitiful. Helpless. Exactly Castiel's type. He'll come after you soon. Would you like that? Castiel, come to rescue you… again?"

She scowled up at her. "And what do you know about that?"

She knelt down, grabbing Ellie's chin with inhuman strength and leaning close to her ear.

"This is what I know," she whispered, like it was a secret. "You will _never _see the light of day again. When Castiel comes to save you, I'll kill you in front of him just so he can see how powerless he truly is. Then I'll kill _him."_

And with that she relinquished her grip, disappearing in a flash of light as she lay gasping and dizzy on the floor.

_Cas. _He'd tried to warn her. She hadn't listened.

When her head stopped spinning, she searched for her weapons - it should've been the first thing she did, but her brain wasn't working so great right now, and it wasn't like Dean was here to tell her off for bein' a bad hunter.

Nothing. Well, that was just _peachy. _They even took the lock picks she stashed in her bra. She didn't wanna think of how they found them. She fumbled around and found a chip off the walls that sat heavy in her palm, comforted by the fact that she could always throw it at Raphael's stupid head if the angel showed up again.

*.*.*

She didn't know how to mark the days. She could only measure them by sleeping and wakefulness. She guessed she'd been here maybe a week. She woke up every time to a tray of food and water. Bread. Stale. And the water tasted metallic. She didn't care. Dehydration would kill her faster than heavy metal in her water would.

They weren't trying to kill her, not until Castiel got here anyway. But they weren't trying too hard to keep her alive, either. Other than the food, she had no evidence that Raphael had done more than lock her up and forget about her. There was a cut on her arm that was going pretty nasty. She'd washed that with some of her precious water, but she really needed some disinfectant or alcohol or _something _to clean it properly. It was infected.

Another thing that'd kill her faster than the water. Unless whatever was in the water had infected the cut, in which case it was a moot point anyway.

She prayed. She doubted this place was unwarded, but if Raphael could poof around, maybe Castiel could too. So she chanted his name in her head and tried to find him in her dreams.

She sang sometimes. Silly songs, pretty much whatever she thought the angels would hate. She could hear murmurs outside her door sometimes, so she knew there must be some kinda watch over her.

She should've just let Castiel do his weird rib thing. She tried to picture him bursting in here, through the door, grace shining bright and eyes blazing. And they'd bust outta here together, and then go home, and she'd be with her family and her angel again. Happily ever after.

She couldn't imagine it. All she saw was the cell.

*.*.*

Time passed. The food and water stopped coming as often. Her head still hurt and her arm was hot to touch around the cut. She could feel herself sweating out precious water. Goddamn fever.

She would die here if they didn't find her soon.

She could hear a distant drumming sound, like rain. She'd once watched a movie about a guy in a mask. There'd been a pretty lady who'd said that God was in the rain.

Ellie hoped it was true, because he sure as hell wasn't around any other time.

"Hey, God," she mumbled, slumped against the wall because that's as far as she'd got before everything hurt too much, "I know I ain't prayed to you a lot, and I know I ain't got much to offer, but you're meant to be nicer than the devil so I'm guessin' you're more open to takin' things on faith."

_Faith. _If only.

Ellie took a shaky breath. "I'm not askin' you to save me. I don't think you do things like that anymore. I'm just askin' that you give the people who are tryin' to save me enough time to do that. I'm gettin' dehydrated, _bad_, so either Raphael's gettin' bored or she's decided not to wait until Castiel gets here to kill me. If it's the first one, it means my brothers might actually have a shot at gettin' me out of here. So… please. Just give me a couple more days."

A big fat nothing echoed back from the gloom.

She felt like crying. She threw her rock at the far side of the cell and watched it shatter against the concrete.

"Went through all that apocalypse bullshit and I can't even get a goddamn _sign _from the guy," she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut. "Alright. Fine. I get the hint."

The guard outside laughed at her, not even bothering to hide it.

Ellie wanted to _scream _and she really, _really _wanted to hit something if she could manage that without hurting herself more. But all that was here was rocks and walls, so it looked like that was out.

She'd been so _close _to having a happy life again.

Things had been going back to normal. As normal as they could be, anyway. Sam had his soul back. Her and Dean were getting along again. Castiel had been away a lot, but he was always away these days. The angel war was raging, but there was always gonna be something going wrong in the world, so that couldn't be helped.

And now, this.

And now, she sat and waited to die, alone in a cell.

*.*.*

She had a dream.

She was laying in the grass in an enormous field. The sun was hot and she could feel herself starting to sweat, but she smiled, because Raphael had said she would never see the light of day again but here she was. She could smell grass and flowers and hear birds. The ground felt real and hot under her hands, parched from a hot summer somewhere. Here. Wherever here was.

Maybe this was Heaven. She felt a twinge of sadness that she might have died, alongside a shameful surge of relief that she didn't have to endure that cell anymore. And the waiting. The _waiting. _It was the worst. At least that was over now.

She hummed a song that used to come on the radio when her momma was still alive, one they used to sing along with on the way to school.

"Eleanor."

She smiled again. That sounded like Castiel. How nice that she had him in her Heaven. Maybe she'd have versions of her brothers here too, eventually. But Castiel was most welcome either way. She opened her eyes and saw him standing over her.

"Castiel," she greeted, reaching her hands for him to help her up. "I've missed you so much."

"Eleanor," he said urgently, pulling her upright and clutching her arms tightly, "Where are you?"

She frowned slightly. "What do you mean? You're the one visiting. Shouldn't you recognise Heaven when you see it?"

"You thought this was Heaven?" Castiel looked aghast. His shoulders stooped slightly and the slight frown lines in his face became more pronounced as his grip softened. He studied her intently for a second, frowning at what he saw. "Eleanor, you're _alive. _This is a dream. I… I wanted you to feel comfortable. I didn't think you'd assume..."

She shook her head. "Can't be. I've been tryin' to dream about you for a long time, and you ain't showed up."

"Something's changed," he said. "We might not have much time. Eleanor, please, where are you? Physically?"

"With you," she said stubbornly.

Castiel shook his head slowly, something terribly like guilt and pity in his eyes. "No. You're not. This isn't Heaven, Eleanor. I'm not really here, and... neither are you."

Ellie's stomach started to sink. If this was really just a dream, then that meant…

"In a cell," she said faintly. "I don't know where. Cas, I'm sorry, I didn't mean- I thought I was safe- I should've just let you-" She broke off without finishing the fragment of thought, starting to shake with the fear of going back to that terrible cell.

His jaw tightened, and he pressed his forehead to hers for a moment while he gathered himself again. His hands dropped to link with hers, as if he were afraid someone would tear them away any second. "Who took you?"

Eleanor opened her mouth to answer, to say anything, but something _clanged _loudly and she jolted awake in her cold, dank cell.

A tray with stale bread on it had appeared in front of her. No water.

That time, she did cry.

*.*.*

Ellie thought she was dreaming again, a real dream this time, when Sam and Dean burst into the cell, blades drawn and wild-eyed. She smiled at them through cracked lips. They looked just like how she remembered. Sam with his ridiculous hair, always in dire need of a haircut, and Dean just looking angry.

"Oh, God," Sam said, rushing over to her. "_Dean! _She's hurt bad." His sure hands catalogued her injuries, making her hiss when he gently touched the infected wound on her arm. Weren't dreams meant to be painless?

Maybe they _were _really there.

"We're gonna get you outta here," Sam promised her earnestly. She reached up with a trembling hand and touched his face, seeing if he was real. He gripped her wrist gently, trying to smile at her. She frowned at how solid he felt, how frail her hand looked in comparison.

"Who did this?" Dean growled, looking furious.

"R-" she tried to speak but her throat was too dry and she just had a coughing fit instead, which made her head spin so hard she saw stars.

Someone pressed a flask to her lips and she drank greedily before they snatched it away again. She was too slow to grab the hand that held it and keep it in place. Sam stepped back and tucked the flask into his pocket. The water tasted funny.

Did he just give her holy water? Better than none, she supposed. And how would they know she wasn't a demon? They were just being thorough. She must've looked pretty bad for them not to pull a knife on her.

"Come on, kid." Dean ducked under her shoulder and dragged her up to her feet where she swayed precariously, supported by his solidness. "We've gotta go before whoever's running this joint comes back. Who was it, demons?"

She shook her head. "Angels. Raphael," she rasped.

Dean's jaw clenched. "Son of a _bitch_. We gotta get going," he repeated, starting to move, supporting most of her weight. "Cas! _Cas, get your angel ass in here!" _

"Wards," Ellie croaked. Her throat was like sandpaper. "Tried to call b'fore. No good."

"How far do the wards go?"

"She's been locked in a cell the whole time, you think she knows the layout of the place?" Sam sniped, leading the way. The corridors were empty and their footsteps echoed too loudly. They were making a lot of noise in this too-quiet place.

Something wasn't right. Something was off about this, and it took Ellie a moment for her feverish brain to figure it out.

"Guards," she rasped, stopping to look around wildly and nearly getting dragged by Dean.

"There are no guards," Sam called back, still on alert as he waited for Dean to get her moving again. "This place is pretty much abandoned."

That couldn't be right. She'd heard someone outside her cell only a little while ago. Ellie shook her head, adamant.

"There're guards."

"Eleanor, there was no one outside your cell and I don't think we have time to go looking anywhere else," Dean said grimly.

"There _was!"_ She insisted, her voice cracking and making her cough again. "It's a… _trap,"_ she managed between splutters.

For a second, Dean looked wary of the potential danger, his eyes widening as he realised the implications of their easy escape. Then his big brother bravado mask slid in place and he was all business again.

"Yeah, well, we're gonna get out before they realise they've caught anything," Dean said determinedly, readjusting his hold on her so he could carry them along again. "We've got Cas, he'll poof us out before they come back. Move, Sammy!"

Up ahead, she could see light filtering in.

_You'll never see the light of day again, _Raphael's memory whispered in her ear. Her heart started to pound and her breathing quickened as she panicked.

Castiel. Oh, God, no. Not him. He needed to live, and help the angels get their free will, and do great things like he said he would. Seeing her die… Raphael was probably right about the effects of that. Castiel was nuts about keeping her safe. It'd kill him. Or someone else would while he was distracted.

"Keep Castiel away," Ellie said as loudly as she could, her voice still sounding like broken glass. "Keep him away, Dean!"

"He's our getaway car," Dean said absently, checking for threats as they approached what looked like the main entrance to whatever this place was. "We need him."

"They're trying to trap _him._ I'm the _bait." _

Dean paused, staring at her, eyes narrowed. "Why would they take you to lure out Cas? You barely know the guy. Unless..."

Ellie hesitated, looking at Dean imploringly. _Please don't let him ask that right now..._

Dean swore again, looking pained. "You've gotta be freakin' kidding me. He's the guy? _Cas _is the guy you've been seeing?"

"Guys," Sam called from ahead of them, holding open the door. "Can we do this later? He's already here, let's go!"

"_No,"_ Ellie said as loud as she could, her words uncomfortable in her dry mouth. "They know he's comin' for me; he needs to leave!"

"He's here, and we're all leaving," Dean said firmly, scooping her up and slinging her over his shoulder before she could protest again. "And don't think we aren't talking about this later! Angel bastard, hitting on my baby sister… the friggin' _nerve..._"

He ran out after Sam, out into the light that hurt her eyes and her already spinning head, out to the angel she might be about to die for.

"Eleanor!"

She'd never heard him sound worried for her before, but Castiel sounded genuinely frightened. Dean set her down and she lurched gracelessly towards him, grabbing his lapels and dragging him to his knees as hers buckled. She drank in his appearance, how tired he looked, the fine lines around his blue eyes, and she knew she must've looked a thousand times worse but now was not the time to be thinking of how she goddamn _looked. _His hands slid under her shoulders, trying to steady her.

"You're hurt," he said, all gravelly seriousness, his eyes flitting over her injuries.

"It's not your fault," she said urgently, pleading. "Whatever happens. It's not, it's Raphael, she has a plan-"

(Distantly, she heard Sam and Dean talking.

"Did you know about them?"

"Dude, I would've said something if I knew Cas and Ellie were... _dating_.")

"Raphael?" Castiel's eyes flashed and he looked up at her brothers. "We have to go, _now_."

Ellie let her eyes flutter shut, sagging against him in relief. Maybe they would make it. Maybe Raphael was really gone.

The ringing in her ears and the hairs that stood up on the back of her neck told her otherwise.

"You're safe," Castiel promised her, and she wanted to scream at him to take it back before it was too late.

He reached out, and they disappeared-

But not before Ellie felt something cold slice through her back, easily, like a knife through butter. She felt it slide through her ribs and knew it had hit her heart with an oddly calm certainty. She gasped and her grip on Castiel tightened.

Angel flight only takes an instant. Less, in fact, but that was all she knew she had. And in her last instant, her last less-than-an-instant, she wished for more time. She wished she had more time with her brothers. She wished she'd died in the cell where no one could take the blame for it except Raphael, because _damn, _her boys were all martyrs. She wished she'd told Castiel that she loved him, since she'd been kinda thinking she did, even if she didn't really know what that meant. She was pretty sure it was supposed to feel like this, though.

Wishes are for children, and a fraction of a moment wasn't long enough to tell anybody anything.

Eleanor Winchester was dead before she even fell to the ground in Bobby's yard, an angel blade buried in her back.

*.*.*

**Dun dun dun! **


	13. Chapter 13

_**La Push**_

_**Now**_

*.*.*

When she was little, she used to play a game with some cousins in her grandma's backyard. Grandma Deyes lived on a big, wild property, with woods and a lazy creek they used to swing over. All the other kids'd loved it because it meant they could play spotlight in the trees when it got dark.

She'd hated it. That was back when she used to be scared of the dark, back when she was scared of the things that went bump in the night, back before she knew how to kill them.

The trees were twisted and creepy in the dark. Too many things lived in them, calling out with strange cries right when she least expected it. She spent hours crouching in the bushes and listening to every creak and snap of the woods, praying to God that it was Leroy or Freddy instead of a monster.

One time, she'd tripped in a rabbit hole and twisted her ankle real bad. She'd had to sit in the dark, in the open, too far from the house and the others to call out, too scared to call out in case the wrong thing answered her. Finally, Leroy had come along and shone the torch right in her face.

"What're you cryin' for?" He'd demanded. "It's just a game, y'big baby."

He'd felt bad once he realised she was hurt, even carried her into the house. She still played with them the next night, hobbling in her crutches. Nobody was gonna get away with calling her a baby, even when she was one. She just checked the ground first.

Strange that after all these years, and all the times she'd been hunting in forests just like this, tonight was when she felt most like that scared little girl in Louisiana. She had the strangest urge to crawl into some thicket and hide until someone with a huge flashlight found her and the game was over. The smell of loam was thick, earthy and damp in her nostrils, the tang of pine rising above it. She grounded herself in the differences between then and now - she wasn't some kid by the river. She was a hunter. She was hunting.

Ellie laid her feet real careful, stepping light to avoid making noise. Sharp eyes trained to see movement darted at regular intervals around her - front, sides, behind. This'd be easier if she had someone to watch her back, but she didn't, so she had to do it her goddamn self and hope nothing hit her in her blind spots while she was scoping.

In the tree-dappled moonlight she could see more footprints. They were deep and messy. Whatever it was had been running, tearing at the soft, damp ground that hadn't dried out under the canopy. It'd been hurrying away from her.

Question was, was this an escape or a trap?

She followed the prints further in, her gun a comforting weight in her hands. She moved like a soldier. Dean'd taught her that.

Gradually, the prints got shallower. The thing was in less of a rush, landing less heavily on the ground. Lighter steps, not needing to launch itself with the same frenzy as before. It was trotting now, prints barely discernable despite the thing's massive size.

Then they stopped altogether.

Ellie carried on a few yards, slowly and methodically eliminating the chance of finding any more evidence of the thing. Something caught her eye off the track and she knelt to inspect it, frowning.

More footprints. They'd gone off road.

Her lips moved silently in a quick prayer - she'd believed in the mercy of God once upon a time - as she stood slowly, watching the shadows.

A twig snapped.

She slid soundlessly behind a tree, the solidness of it comforting her slightly as she peeked out from around it. Remembering her back, she glanced over her shoulder too. Satisfied for now, she slowly leaned out to survey what was in front of her again.

Nightbirds sang and she could hear crickets, but she couldn't hear any more twigs. Whoever - whatever - had snapped the thing was being cautious now.

Ellie went back behind the tree, back against the bark, eyes still scanning as her brain ticked with her next move. Either it was gone, or it was waiting for a moment to pounce. Either way, she had to draw it into the open somehow.

_Desperate times, _she thought ruefully, taking a switchblade from her pocket and nicking the inside of her arm. Blood usually called to anything animalistic. Weak, bleeding prey was just too damn good for them to resist.

She waited, watching.

_Snap._

Her eyes flickered. _There. _She could see something in the darkness. Something huge, and hulking, with eyes that glinted in the moonlight. She carefully aimed, waiting for the thing to come closer so she could get a clean shot.

A rhyme came into her head all of a sudden, something Jo had taught her from her macabre childhood avoiding monsters.

_Silver, silver, saves a life_

_Silver bullets, and a silver knife_

_Shifters, werewolves, skinwalkers too_

_Keep silver close, it'll see you through._

It stepped into the moonlight. She breathed in, her finger tightened -

_Silver, silver -_

The thing blurred and shrank, fur shrinking and shape changing until a very naked Embry Call was crouching on the forest floor. His eyes, those _same eyes, _bored into her as she stared open-mouthed.

This was not a werewolf. Werewolves didn't do _that. _

"What the damn hell are you?" Ellie said harshly, regaining her wits and thankful that her hand hadn't faltered with her wits.

He raised his hands, slowly rising. "I'm… it's hard to explain without sounding bad. Can we do this without the gun?"

"Explain, _now_," Ellie snapped, stepping backward when he took a tiny step forward. "Embry Call, do _not _come any closer. I'm still tryin' to think of one reason why I shouldn't just shoot you and ask questions later."

"Honestly, it's not like- Look, are you okay?"

She frowned, taken aback by the change of subject. "What?"

"I could smell blood," he said, appearing unfazed by her threats, his face slightly creased with concern. For _her. _Not himself. "Did you hurt yourself?"

"You could smell…" She mentally shook herself. "Look, just… tell me what you are. You're not a werewolf, clearly, they're much less…" She gestured to him with her free hand. "Human-lookin' during a full moon."

"I'm a… guardian, I guess," Embry said, taking another step forward. "It's a long story. I'll tell it to you sometime when you're not holding a gun."

"Tell it _now." _

"We protect the tribe," he said urgently, seeming to sense she was near the end of her patience. "We keep it safe from other things. Monsters. Vampires. Things normal people don't know about."

"I'm not buyin' the nice guy act," Ellie warned. "I know about the hikers."

"We didn't kill the hikers," Embry insisted. "We're just shifters, we-"

_Shifters._

She shot him. She didn't even consciously decide to do it, didn't even realise she _had _done it, she just heard the word _shifter _and it was like she blacked out and all of sudden her gun was firing. Her shot was a loud crack in the too-quiet darkness. She gasped and staggered back, a sick feeling in her gut, like she'd done something horribly wrong. It was hard to breathe with her heart in her throat like that.

The gloomy forest seemed to burst to life, Quil leaping out of the darkness to grab her arms while someone else ran over to Embry. Ellie ducked and twirled to break his hold, jabbing out to hit him in the jewels. He doubled over and she was off, sprinting through the darkness like the Devil himself was chasing her. She heard shouts behind her and then snarls. She changed direction on a dime and hurtled headlong a different way, darting through undergrowth desperately as the crashing behind her grew louder. She switched directions again burst out into a clearing, spinning and raising her aching arm to face whatever was chasing her.

A wolf soared out and turned into Jacob mid-leap, who rolled and landed neatly, his head snapping up to see her bigger knife poised to be thrown at him.

_Silver, silver… _

"Jesus Christ," he snapped, "You couldn't have been fucking _normal? _You shot Embry! Why would you do that?"

Fuck, she wanted to flinch at that very _name. _What was wrong with her?

"He's a shifter!" Ellie said shrilly. "You're all filthy fucking shifters! I don't know how you're doin' this wolf thing, but it's unnatural!"

"He can't help it. He was trying to help _you!"_ Jacob thundered. "If you'd just stayed inside instead of going all vigilante, you would've found out anyway!"

"I do _not _associate with shifters!" Ellie spat. "You're all goddamn monsters! I don't want any of your _help!" _She drew her arm back, ready to end this, trying not to listen to that little voice that was asking whether or not she was _sure _about this.

_Silver bullets, and a silver knife..._

Another _crack_ sounded and pain blossomed on her skull.

She sank like a stone, out cold.

*.*.*

_Eleanor. _

Her head hurt. Someone's hands were on her and she tried to throw them off but ended up lurching onto a hard surface instead. She tried to crawl.

Hands grabbed her again. Lifting. Moving. Preventing escape.

No. _No._

_Eleanor. Eleanor. _

_No! _

"...can't go to sleep. Eleanor, do you hear me? You need to stay…"

She hurt. It all hurt. Her _head. _

"Eleanor. _Stay awake."_

_Eleanor. Eleanor!_

*.*.*

"Keep her up."

She grunted in pain as someone shoved her upright.

"She's awake. Eleanor?"

God, if everything would just stop _spinning_….

She lurched to the side and threw up, the movement making her head throb and spin and _hurt_.

"Oh, shit…"

She let the blackness take her again.

*.*.*

Ellie woke up slowly, everything coming in muffled like she was underwater. She stayed limp, concentrating as best she could with a head full of cotton wool to keep her breathing steady.

"You hit her too hard," someone was arguing. Male. Familiar, but she couldn't quite place it. "She's a little girl. You can't knock her around like one of us."

She was tied to a chair. A _chair. _Tightly. Her fingertips were a little numb. It'd hurt like a bitch when she got the knots undone if she'd been like this for a while. Her ankles were tied too. Obviously they took into account how much damage she could do with a foot or a knee. Smart. She'd have to be smarter.

"She had a knife. She was going to use it." Female. Flat. Unamused.

"You turn into a giant wolf!"

"So does Embry, _but she shot him." _

"Doesn't matter," the first voice - Quil? - said stubbornly. "She's a-"

"Awake," interrupted a voice she could recognise as Jacob's. "She's awake. You can stop pretending now, Ellie."

She opened her eyes, lifting her head and then wincing and hissing when it throbbed. They really _had _hit her too damn hard. She hadn't had a headache like this since-

Well. _Then. _

"Y'all were just gettin' to the good part," she complained, trying not to let her discomfort show. She slouched like she was on a sofa, secretly using the movement to extend her limbs and see if she could stretch the rope any.

Someone snorted. Ellie glanced over and saw the girl from that time in the woods - Leah? Yeah, Leah. She looked somewhere between murderous and amused. Quil opened his mouth but shut it again when Jacob gave him a look, choosing to slink out into the corridor.

She felt another pain in her shoulder, aching, like an old sprain. Had they knocked her around while they were transporting her? Ellie wished she could rub at it or something. It was damn sore.

"Why am I alive?" Ellie said bluntly, before Jacob could open his big mouth again. "What's the angle? You tryin' to draw out Sammy or somethin'?"

Jacob frowned. "We don't kill humans."

"Even murderous bitches," Leah muttered.

Ellie tried to school her expression as her shoulder throbbed again.

"We can hear your heart," Leah informed her. "Bit late for guilt."

"Leah," Jacob said sharply. "Enough." He glanced back at Ellie. "He's not dead. You missed."

Ellie blinked. She didn't _miss. _She never _missed. _

Embry was alive?

_Good, _some small, secret part of her whispered. She squished it down. What did it matter to her?

"I don't care," she said blandly. "Why would I care?"

"I'm getting to it," Jacob said. He ran a hand over his face, sighing. "Remind me again why you want to kill us?"

"Shifters are monsters."

"And you kill monsters."

She narrowed her eyes at him. "You really have no idea who I am, do you?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Should I?"

"Yes," Ellie said frankly. "I'm a little concerned about my status as a hostage if you don't."

"Leah," Jacob said, not taking his eyes off her, "You heard of Ellie Deyes?"

"Nope."

"Quil?"

"Nope!" came the reply from somewhere in the hallway. "But I'm Googling her right now."

Jacob leaned back. "So, you're not a celebrity. Who are you?"

"She's a missing person!"

Jacob frowned. "Get in here. Show me."

"I really think y'all are missin' the point," Ellie said, wincing as her head gave a particularly vicious throb. "Can we get to the _kill me or let me go_ part already?"

They ignored her in favour of looking at Quil's phone.

Leah whistled. "Damn. You sure this is her?"

Quil nodded enthusiastically. "Look - MMA champion, Louisiana… it fits."

Jacob glanced at Ellie. "This is… kind of gruesome."

"Shifters generally are," she said flatly. "But I ain't talkin' about things you can find on Google."

"There's more?" Quil said eagerly. "Can you kill a man with one finger?"

"Sure," Ellie said. "So long as it's on a trigger."

"So long as she doesn't miss," Leah muttered.

Ellie glared at her. "Give me a gun, I'll show you exactly how good my aim is."

Leah's lip curled. "Are we sure Embry would miss her?"

"Leah," Jacob said again, sharper.

Quil's head perked up and he looked through the wall. "Oh, here we go," he said, sighing. "Jeez, Lee, you couldn't have just kept that part to yourself?"

"Quil, Leah, go stop him," Jacob ordered briskly. "As for you," he turned back to Ellie. "You need to get it through your thick skull that we're not your enemy. We've never killed humans. You have the legends. You've read about the protectors of the tribe. That's _us. _And you're damn lucky you're special, because otherwise you could've been the one human who was enough of a threat to warrant action."

Ellie scoffed. "Alright, so you're not traditional shifters. I figured that when y'all turned into Goddamn wolves instead of other people. Doesn't mean I can trust what you're sayin'."

Jacob stood as a thud sounded from the other room. "Doesn't seem like you have much choice. There's a whole lot you don't know here. Just… we're not the bad guys, Ellie. We're really not."

Another series of thuds, and a snarl. Ellie's fingers itched for something to protect herself with.

"Shit," Jacob muttered. "I'll be back later. Apparently, my pack are all children who don't know how to follow simple orders."

Ellie frowned as he left. Pack? Maybe she shouldn't have discarded the werewolf theory just yet.

She tested the limits of her bonds properly now that no one was here. They were tight. She couldn't even wriggle them enough to try and let out her hex bag. Uncovering herself to the supernatural was her only hope at this point. Someone had to be tracking her. Someone had to be listening, if she called out.

*.*.*

"Where were we?" Jacob Black was settling himself in across from her again, a shallow line on his face growing rapidly fainter the more she watched it. It was kinda fascinating.

"Discussing what the hell you people are," she murmured, trying to subtly roll her shoulder to figure out why the hell it hurt so much.

"You've read the legends," he said.

"Legends aren't accurate. One person's vampire is another person's local god."

He frowned. "And you'd know a lot about vampires?"

"Enough."

"The Volturi?"

"Like I said," she repeated, filing the name away to research later. "I know enough."

"You don't know anything," he said. "If you did, you wouldn't think we're the bad guys. What you read is true. A little embellished, but true. Taha Aki became a wolf, and that was passed down through his sons. Whenever the tribe needed protection, the wolves rose."

"And what?" Ellie said, one eyebrow raised. "Ate some hikers?"

"Vampire killed the hikers." He sat back. "I can get you the coroner reports. I know people at the station. Those bodies were drained. The pack… _this _pack, _my _pack, we rose because a coven settled in the area. A family. They didn't mean any harm, but their presence drew others. And so more of us changed." Jacob Black looked her right in the eye. "We killed the ones who killed humans. The animal drinkers, we left alone. We have a treaty with them. They've moved on to other places now. We remain, to protect our home. Do you understand?"

"You don't kill people," Ellie said grudgingly. "Congratulations, Mother Theresa. What was with the stalking and Fight Club behaviour?"

He raised his eyebrows. "Gee, I don't know. Why would we watch a mysterious, _armed _stranger who openly boasted about her skills with weapons and lived with a sweet old crazy lady?"

"Why is Embry the one you're keepin' me around for?" She challenged.

"You've read the legends," he said, repeating his earlier sentiment. "You figure it out."

"You're not gonna tell me?"

"I'm not sure how you'll react." He eyed her. "Judging by your past behaviour, I'd say _badly._"

"So it's weird."

"It's… unusual," he allowed. "But not bad. You've gotta keep an open mind."

"About what?"

"Tell me something," Jake said, shifting in his seat. "What is it you feel around Embry? Why were you so offended by him in particular being a shifter?"

"I don't like any shifters," Ellie said flatly. "If you'll recall, my gun got knocked away before I could shoot anyone else. He wasn't special."

"But he is. Isn't he?"

She frowned. "I have no idea where you're goin' with this."

"You missed," he said.

"So what? People miss."

"I'm willing to bet you don't."

Ellie's frown deepened. "I'm people too. Look, will you just tell me?"

"It's not my place," Jake said. "You'll find out soon enough. Just… try to calm down and think about this, okay? We took you in. We fixed your car. We don't mean you any harm. You're tied up because of your own actions."

Ellie groaned, tossing her head in frustration and hissing when it pounded, her arms flexing involuntarily in her bonds as she automatically went to hold her aching skull. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment as the room tilted sickeningly. It gave her an idea.

"They'll come for me," she mumbled.

"Who will?"

"My family," Ellie said, forcing her eyes open again. "They always do."

He frowned. "You said your family was dead."

"Most of 'em. Not all."

"Your brother," Jacob surmised. "I remember now. One left."

"One left," she echoed, trying not to look as gloomy at the prospect of Sam coming to her rescue as she felt. "And some kinda crazy cousin, too."

"They know you're here?"

"One does." Ellie let her head loll again, giving in to the persistent urge to shut her eyes against the light. "You've got about three days until I'm missin' officially."

"How would they find you?"

"I have a focus," she murmured drowsily. "Helps 'em find me. Hex bag."

And then she pretended to drift off, the pounding in her head making it impossible for her to actually do so. Half an hour later, someone felt gently through her clothes and took off the hex bag.

_Bingo._

She was visible to all and sundry now. Her time with Cas had made her pretty visible on angel radar. Someone would pick her up sooner or later, and she knew more about wrangling an angel than about wrangling whatever these folk were.

_Callin' all angels, _she prayed, hard as she could. _Winchester up for grabs. Come get some. _

The door to the room opened again and she couldn't help her flinch, her eyes flying open to see Embry standing there.

"Fuck," he said, staring at her. "They really did tie you up."

She stared at him uncomprehendingly.

"Are you okay?" He asked again, urgently. "My head's killing me, so yours must be worse."

Her eyes flickered to his shoulder momentarily, the patch of bandage over brown skin. Same place her shoulder hurt.

"I shot you," she said, slowly. "Why are you here?"

He shrugged. "You missed."

"That's not what I-" Her sentence cut off as the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. Something was coming. "Embry, get out of the room _now_."

There was a flash of blinding light and something so painfully familiar that she couldn't, _wouldn't, _recognise it for a second, because it couldn't be, he was _gone - _

"Holy shit," she breathed. "_Castiel."_

He spared her a glance before whirling around to spy Embry. He lifted his hand, and she knew what that meant, he was about to -

"_No!" _She shouted. "Castiel! Leave him be! Just get me outta here!"

"He hurt you," Castiel snapped, one hand already around the wolf's throat, raising him up like he was nothing.

"He didn't hurt me, now put him down and get me the _Hell _outta here," Ellie shrieked. Thudding footsteps came from within the house. "Castiel, you owe me!"

The angel hesitated only a fraction more before he strode over to her and touched her on the forehead, transporting her away from the room where Quil was spilling through the door and Embry was sitting stunned, staring at her, where Castiel had dropped him. It was all gone in an instant and she had to shut her eyes again, unused to travelling this way after so long. Her head was spinning again.

"What the freakin' _Hell," _she heard, a rough snarl that made her heart catch in her chest, because Castiel being here was one thing but she hadn't really thought far enough ahead to think that maybe if he was here, _Dean _was here too.

Slowly, she raised her head and looked at her brothers, who in turn looked pissed at the sight of her tied to a chair.

Ellie opened her mouth a few times, because what do you even _say _to your brothers when one of 'em was dead and the other estranged, then settled with -

"Can someone _please _cut these damn ropes?"

*.*.*

_**Heaven**_

_**Then**_

*.*.*

Ellie bowed her head so that the official could place the medal around her neck. The crowd roared in her ears and she was trying not to cry, but her heart was about to bust right open from how happy she was. She'd done it. She'd medalled at the Olympics.

She raised a hand to the stands, to wherever her mom was sitting, trying to look good in her Team USA uniform for the cameras. This was her goddamn _moment _and she had worked for _years _to get here. It was almost too good to be true.

She got hustled off the podium and into the back corridors. Momma was there, crying and smiling and reaching out to engulf her in a hug.

"I'm so proud of you," she whispered in Ellie's ear. "You did so good, hon."

Ada smelt like she always did in Ellie's memories - like flowers and vanilla. Ellie squeezed her back just as tightly.

"Deyes, press conference in five!" Called her manager, waiting until Ellie looked up and acknowledged her before turning to speak to some nameless official.

Ellie frowned. "Momma, I don't wanna do a press conference. I wanna go get burgers or somethin'."

"You got yourself into this mess," her mom said, teasing, her eyes still a bit wet. "You're gonna have to deal with the consequences of bein' famous now."

"I'm not famous," Ellie protested, rolling her eyes.

"You just took out silver in judo, Ell's Bells," Ada said. "You're gonna be front page news back home."

"Maybe in our neighbourhood," she agreed, "But I'm sure someone's gone and done somethin' much more impressive in swimmin' or somethin' like that."

Her mom squeezed her again. "Ain't nothin' more impressive than what you did back there," she insisted.

"Ellie! Press conference! _Now!" _

"Guess I gotta go," Ellie said reluctantly, stepping back. "Wanna go scope a good burger place for afterwards?"

"I'll find the best damn burgers in this country," her mom promised. "Nothin's too good for my baby girl."

"Eleanor!" Her manager marched over and took her elbow gently. "C'mon, we'll be late. Don't wanna miss your moment."

"The podium was my moment," Ellie corrected, allowing him to steer her away. "This is just extra stuff until I can find a quarter pounder."

"Classic Eleanor," he said, almost fondly, like she hadn't caused hell with her fast food cravings while she was meant to be on a controlled diet. "Look, when you get in there, just smile and enjoy it. You're their darling and they're gonna eat you up."

"I might eat them," she muttered. "Seriously, I want food when I get out. Can you make sure my mom doesn't get mugged while she's lookin' for some?"

"Al's already with her," he promised. "He'll keep her away from the bad parts of town. In the meantime, you've gotta go through this here door, smile, look pretty, and make everyone fall in love with you even more."

"I think I can do that."

"Of course you can, you have deceptively angelic dimples."

She winked at him as she opened the door. "I _am_ an angel, hon."

He guided her to the table and stood behind her, squeezing her shoulder once comfortingly before he settled back.

The reporters all sat in chairs facing her, cameras and microphones rolling and ready to pick up any mistake she made.

She smiled and adjusted her mic so she wouldn't have to lean forward all the damn time. "Alright, ready when y'all are."

"Miss Deyes," one reporter started, "First off, how are you feeling right now?"

"I'm feelin' great," she said honestly. "I can't believe I'm here, but I am."

"Did you ever think you'd get this far?"

Ellie shrugged. "I don't think anyone can be confident enough to know they'll medal in the Olympics. It ain't easy. It was hard enough just gettin' here, but now I have silver, and it feels so good."

"Are you disappointed it's not a gold?"

"Naw," she said easily, smiling again. "I'm second best in the world. And I'm young, I could always put myself through all this again and see how my luck goes then."

"So, you think it's all luck?" Another reporter asked.

"I think… when you're there, and everyone's so good, you gotta have a little luck on your side to make you just that little bit _extra _good." Ellie glanced around and spotted a scruffier-looking man with his hand up. "Yeah, you, go ahead."

"Can you describe your life leading up to the games?"

She looked at him for a moment, trying to place him. "Yeah, it was hectic. So much trainin'. I was doin' a lot of work. But it's all paid off now."

"Can you be more specific?" He said pointedly.

She felt herself falter, because for some reason, she was drawing a blank on what she'd been doing before now. "Uh… well, I mean, it was hard. I was gettin' ready for the Olympics. It was a tough time but I'm so glad I didn't give up."

The rest of the press was nodding and taking notes, but this guy was just staring at her, unimpressed in his ratty vest. Was that a mullet? Lord, it looked bad. She turned and picked a different reporter.

When the press conference ended, she took her manager aside.

"This is gonna sound weird," she said quietly, "But can you remind me what I did before this?"

"I knew you'd gotten stage fright," he said. "Classic Ellie."

"Focus, please."

"Well," he said, "You used to do your training and then go home and study for your college assignments. Sound familiar yet?"

_She went to college?_

"Yeah," she lied. "Sorry. Just… press conferences, right?"

"Right," he agreed. "I'm gonna go find your mom and Al. Meet at our hotel in fifteen, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks."

He slung an arm around her shoulders and squeezed briefly. "You did good. See you soon."

She stood for a moment and fingered the design on her medal, frowning down at the silver disc. _What had she been doing before now?_

"You can't figure it out, can you?"

Startled, she looked up to see the scruffy man from before. "Excuse me?"

"Why you're blanking," he said slowly, as if she were stupid. "Not coming to ya, right?"

"I don't know what you're talkin' about. Look, I've gotta be somewhere…"

"It'll wait."

"No," she said, exasperated, "It won't. I'm meetin' my mom and we're celebratin'. That doesn't wait."

"Sure it does," he said. "It's your Heaven, you can make it do whatever you want."

She scoffed. "My what?"

He rolled his eyes. "Man, they must've got you good if you're this deep into it. Do you even recognise me, even a little itsy bit?"  
Ellie looked at him closely, and then she smiled, hitting her forehead as the realisation hit her. "Of course. You're Ash. Look, I have no idea how they let you back here, I'm not meant to have friends poppin' in on me…"

He snorted. "Honey, we're both dead. I'm sure the Olympic committee can cut us some slack."

She gaped at him. Was he _insane?_

"You know me from the Roadhouse," he said, fidgeting like he was itching to get away from where they stood. "We met through your brothers, Sam and Dean. I died a while ago. From what I hear, you started bangin' an angel and Heaven's host got mighty pissed about it. So now you're dead too, and I've come to rescue you from your own mind. Well, that and Raphael's guard dogs. You're on lockdown."

Rusty corners of her memory started working, and she stumbled slightly as images and events flooded in.

Sam. Bobby. Dean. _Castiel._

Ellie straightened up and looked around herself with fresh eyes, finally noticing how none of the posters had the date of the Olympics on them, how she couldn't really focus on anyone hurrying by. Her hand touched her medal, held it out gently for inspection.

No date. No country. Just a silver disc.

She slumped against the wall, running a hand through her hair shakily.

"Shit," she muttered. "Why'd you have to go and do that for?"

"You'd honestly be happy going to endless Olympics and only getting silver?" Ash raised his eyebrows. "Damn, girl, even in your wildest dreams you aren't a winner."

"I wouldn't have known," she said sullenly. "I would've been fine."

He shrugged. "Sorry. Figured you'd be happier knowin' what was going on."

She sighed and glanced up at him, forcing a smile. "You're lookin' good, Ash. I didn't think I'd… well, I didn't think any of us would see each other again after dyin'."

"Except maybe Sam and Dean," Ash said dryly. "Those bastards've been here and back a hundred times."

"Except Sam and Dean," she agreed. Those two just didn't stay dead.

"You're taking this very calmly," Ash said, squinting at her. "You realise you're dead, right?"

"Sure do."

"No goin' back."

"That's what I hear."

"You actually _died." _

"Ash," she snapped, "Leave it. I'm not exactly thrilled that my life is over, but there ain't anythin' I can do about it."

He eyed her speculatively for a moment. "We got beer," he said after a moment. "In my Heaven. 24 hour Roadhouse type deal, only way better internet."

She hesitated.

Ash snorted. "What've you got to stay for here? Your fake medal? C'mon. You're dead. Let's go get drunk."

*.*.*

She woke as if from sleep, only the dead never slept, and the dead didn't see their lovers gazing down at them.

Ellie blinked a few times, sure her eyes were confused. Where'd her Heaven go? She'd been about to win gold this time. How come she was in a - she glanced around quickly - in someone's living room with _Castiel? _

The angel in question reached out and touched her face, drawing her attention back to him. She made the mistake of looking at him full on and flinched, unprepared for how Goddamn bright he was. Her hands flew up instinctively to cover her eyes.

"Eleanor? Are you alright?"

"You're so bright," Ellie mumbled. "You ain't this bright usually."

"I suspect it's a side effect of your resurrection."

"My…" She forced herself to sit up, staring blearily at her surroundings. "Castiel, what did you _do?"_

"I brought you back." He smiled slightly, the smile he used when he thought she was being particularly human and obtuse.

"You brought me back?"

"I did. I need you, Eleanor." Castiel cupped her face again, looking for all the world like he was memorising the features. "I won't let anyone take you away again. I promise."

She gaped at him. "At what cost?" She said finally, when she found her voice again. "There's always a _cost, _Castiel."

"No cost."

"_Castiel." _

"I told you," Castiel said, "There's no cost. I fixed everything."

"You fixed… everything?" What the Hell did that mean?

"A lot has changed since you were…" Castiel's mouth thinned, displeased. "Well. Since then."

"I'll say," she muttered, her fingertips rising to touch his wrist, to ground herself in the feeling of him. Could he really be here right now? Could _she?_

"I need to know if your promise still holds."

"My promise?"

"To stay by my side. Do you... you'll stay, with me?" He was urgent now, searching for some hint of something in her face. She was sure all she had was confusion. "I won't lose you again. I _won't." _

Ellie frowned. "No, you won't. I'm not gonna leave you, if that's what you're worried about. Why are you so worried I'll want to? Castiel, what did you _do?"_

He looked startled. "You don't believe me? That I've taken care of it?"

"That's not what I said."

"I resurrected you," Castiel said, looking somewhere between confused and angered. "Is that not proof enough of my devotion?"

"No one's questioning your devotion," Ellie said soothingly. "I just… I worry about what you've done for it. Why you're so bright."

"I told you why."

"And maybe you're right," she said calmly. "But you look like the _sun, _honey. I can't even see you properly under all of it. Or maybe I'm seein' more of you, less of your shell. I don't know. It's makin' my head hurt."

"You're confused," Castiel surmised slowly.

"I am." Ellie swung her legs out from under the covers and stood, tugging him up after her. "Don't get me wrong, I _am _glad to see you. So, so glad. I thought I'd never get to see anyone ever again."

He hummed in agreement. "Were you happy in your Heaven? It seemed peaceful."

She shrugged, sliding her arms around his waist so she could lean against him and revel in his realness. "I barely remember it," she lied, thinking wistfully of her mom.

He tilted his head and kissed her, the heightened thrill that ran through her from his grace enough to make her hairs stand on end. Ellie gasped as his hot mouth left hers to trail down her neck, closing her eyes and accepting that everything iffy could wait until _later. _

*.*.*

Wherever they were, it wasn't a place with phones. She searched the house top to bottom and there wasn't so much as a cellphone, let alone a landline. She supposed angels didn't really need 'em, but she did. She had to get in touch with Sam and Dean, see what was happening, see if there really were no strings attached to this deal.

Castiel found her in the attic, rummaging through old boxes.

"What are you doing?" He asked warily.

"I'm bored," Ellie complained. "You won't let me go outside, and I don't have a phone. I can't even call my family and tell 'em I'm okay."

Castiel frowned. "I asked you to stay inside so you'd be safe. This house has wards, if you go outside them-"

"I'm a sittin' duck, I get it," she interrupted. "What's with the phones?"

"I didn't realise you needed one," he said stiffly.

"I do." She smiled at him sweetly. "I just wanna call my family. You can get me one, right? Oh!" She scrambled up, eyes alighted as she thought of something even better, "You can just poof me right over there! C'mon, we can go right now!"

"I can't."

Ellie paused, confused. "What do you mean? You've got the mojo. You could do the trip ten times over."

"Me and your family… we…" He hesitated, eyes darting as if searching for the words. "They betrayed me, Eleanor."

She frowned. "What? No. They wouldn't do that. They love you. Dean a little too much sometimes, I think, but he'll have to get in line because I was here first."

Castiel sighed. "There was a time when I needed them, and they… they turned against me. They sided with Crowley."

"Crowley?" Ellie repeated incredulously, still lost. "I don't get it. Why would they team up with him? They hate the slimy bastard."

"Crowley pretended to be my ally for a while. I had thought we had a common goal, but…" Castiel's eyes flickered up to meet hers. "He turned to Raphael at the last moment. Sam and Dean turned to him as well."

She stared at him for a long moment. "Let me get this straight," she said at last, "My brothers turned against you, their friend, to help Crowley and _Raphael?_ The angel who killed me? Why would they go and do a thing like…" she trailed off, thinking deeply. "No. There's gotta be a reason. They were tricked, or somethin' happened, or… I don't know, but they wouldn't play you like that. They _wouldn't."_

He hesitated. "There was a… disagreement. I had a way of getting more power without hurting anyone, so that I could win this war. That was what Crowley was helping me with. They didn't like it."

Dread curled into the pit of her stomach. "And what way was that?"

"How much do you know about purgatory?"

"Purgatory?" Ellie shrugged. "I know I was baptised, so my immortal soul is safe from it."

"Purgatory, in actuality, is much worse than what your church may have told you." He sat on a trunk she'd already rummaged through fruitlessly. "The creatures you kill, where is it you think they go when they die?"

"No friggin way," she breathed. "Purgatory is the monster afterlife? Really?"

He nodded.

"What about unbaptised babies? Where do they go?"

He frowned. "The purification process isn't lengthy. They don't suffer for their parents' inaction."

"Good to know." She came and sat beside him. "Castiel, why are you tellin' me about purgatory?"

"Souls power grace," Castiel said slowly. "I found a way to harness that without harming any innocent souls."

"I don't understand."

He glanced at her. "I took the souls from purgatory."

Her jaw dropped. "What? How many?"

"All of them," he said, watching her reaction with something like fascination. "I used them to fix everything."

Ellie was horrified. "You can't fix everything. Everything is not _fixable." _

"I can," Castiel said softly. "I am God now."

She stared at him, eyes wide even against the glare that was his Grace, waiting for the punchline. But Castiel never joked. He was still waiting for a response.

"There's already a God," she said, faintly. "Don't you think you should leave that job to Him?"

"No." Castiel stood and started to pace. "He's gone. I'm God now. I've performed miracles, Eleanor. _Miracles. _And they don't thank me. _None of them." _

She stood and approached him cautiously. "None of who, honey?"

"The humans," he hissed, and there was something wild and cold in his eyes that she couldn't quite reconcile with her Castiel. "Ungrateful apes."

"I'm human," she reminded him, watching him pace with unease. "I'm grateful." _I think._ "I just think you should be careful. You're too _bright. _I'm scared you're going to burst. They're _monster_ souls. Do you really want that much bad inside you?"

"It doesn't matter where the power comes from, only what I do with it. You, _you_ have faith in me," He said, whirling and facing her, grabbing her shoulders. "You always have faith in me. You said that. You _said. _I will reward your faith. What do you want?"

"I want _you_," Ellie said firmly. She held the sides of his face and forced him to look at her properly. "Castiel, _this isn't you_. You're kind. You do what you think is right. You've always been good to me, and you never needed Godlike power. You never even wanted it."

He seemed to see her for real then, the wildness fading from his eyes until they were just a brighter version of the ones she knew. His grip loosened and fell to her elbows, just his fingertips against her bare skin. "I had no choice," He said quietly. "I was losing. I needed to win so I could bring you back. Raphael had your Heaven guarded."

"I can't have been the only reason," she said.

"No," Castiel agreed. "I had Heaven to think of as well. But you're important to me. And your brothers would have stopped me from getting you back."

"What's dead should stay dead," she muttered, a little stung, thinking of all the times the boys'd saved each other. There went the Winchester Club again. "Look, I know my brothers, and I know Bobby. I'm sure there's an explanation somewhere. There's no way they'd just flip over to Crowley. Maybe they didn't understand about purgatory. We could tell them. Make 'em see it your way."

"Of course," Castiel said flatly. "After all, there's no way a Winchester would ever trust a demon, right?"

He had a point. With Sam, anyway.

Ellie shrugged helplessly. "I'm sorry. I just can't… they're my brothers. I can't believe they'd do somethin' like this to you. Especially not so they could help _Raphael."_

"Things have changed," Castiel repeated. He let his head fall forward into her neck, tucking himself around her. "I need an ally. I need _you."_

It was like embracing a storm, his momentary surge of power still humming. Ellie ran her hands through his hair, her mind already working to figure this out. It just made no _sense. _

*.*.*

She found a phone in the house next door, crawling through a broken window when Castiel left on one of his missions. She hurriedly dialled Dean's number.

"Dean," she said urgently, "I know you won't believe me, but it's Ellie, I swear it's me, ask me anythin'."

There was a weighted pause, and then a curse that even Bobby woulda been grudgingly proud of.

"Son of a bitch wiped you again," Dean said angrily.

That feeling started in the pit of her stomach again. "What do you mean? Why ain't you surprised?"

"We talked last week. And the week before. You've been back a while, kid."

She frowned. "No. I just came to a couple days ago. I was in Heaven before that. I was-"

"Winning Olympic medals, I know," he interrupted in a rush, like he only had seconds to talk. "Look, we might not have much time before he wipes you again. I'm betting Cas doesn't know you're talking to me, and I don't know what he's told you about his Godliness, but trust me when I say he's ready to go nuclear. He swallowed some bad things and they're going to destroy him and everything around him. You gotta tell us where you are so we can get you out."

"You're lyin'," Ellie said, her heart pounding painfully against her ribs. "Castiel would never do that to me. And I already know about purgatory, he told me everythin'. I know about Crowley. And _Raphael._"

"Did he tell you he was gonna kill us if we didn't kneel to him as our new God?" Dean asked quietly. "Me, Sam, and Bobby?"

She didn't know what to say to that.

"Ellie, I'm sorry, but we gotta put a pin in this for now," Dean said. "It's not as important as getting you the hell outta there. Where are you?"

She swallowed. "I dunno. He doesn't let me outside. He wants me in the wards."

"But he left you alone with the landline?"

"I'm in the house next door," she admitted. "He doesn't know I'm here."

"Attagirl," Dean said approvingly. "Okay. You need to figure out where you are, and you need to figure it out _fast. _He's losing control and I don't want you near him when he blows."

"Dean," she said urgently, unable to stop herself, "Are you serious about this? What you said…"

"There's a reason you keep waking up fresh, kiddo. You can't let him know that you're suspicious," Dean said firmly. "Lie your ass off. Bat your eyelashes. I don't friggin' care, whatever floats his boat, but do _not _let him think you're onto him, or that you're talking to us. He'll just wipe you so he can get a clean slate again."

"How many times?"

"What?"

"How many damn _times, _Dean?"  
"You've called me five times," Dean said reluctantly. "This is the last time. We're gonna find you, I swear. And when we do, I'm gonna kill Cas for-"

She hung up, letting the phone slip out of her grip. She didn't want to hear the end of that sentence.

_Five times. _Five different calls. That meant at least four mind wipes. Lord, she had to figure out what was going on here. The Castiel she knew would never have done that to her.

_But he's not the Castiel you knew, _a traitorous voice whispered. _He's God now. _

Carefully, Ellie snuck back into the house and sat on the edge of the bed for a while, the bed they'd been sharing, trying to figure out how things had gone so wrong in her absence that _Castiel _was the bad guy now.

That he was the one she needed saving from.

She eventually drew a bath and sat in the bubbles, hoping the calm would help her mull it over. She needed more information, but if what Dean said was true then she couldn't risk the phone again.

She must've fallen asleep at some point, because she woke up sweaty and confused in their bed under the sheets with Castiel watching her. She was used to it by now - he was an an angel, he didn't exactly need a whole lotta sleep - but after the day she'd had, it unsettled her a bit. She moved closer so she could press against him, so she could tuck her head and avoid his eyes while she breathed in his familiar scent. That, at least, hadn't changed.

"You seem distressed," Castiel murmured, his voice a rumble through his chest. His hand carded absently through her hair. He'd always liked it, been fascinated by its weight and feel through his fingertips.

"I…"

_Do not let him think you're onto him._

Ellie swallowed. Then she lied. "I keep thinkin' about when I died. How I died. I'm… I'm so sorry, Castiel." And she was. Because whatever else may have driven him to this, _she _had been the apparent tipping point.

"It was never your fault," he said. "I was too confident in my ability to protect you. I grew careless."

"Still," she whispered. "You suffered."

"It's over now."

"Is it?"

The hand that had been idly roaming slid to her back, holding her to him. "Yes. Raphael will never harm you again."

She nodded. "And you?"

"What about me?"

"I don't know what I am to you anymore," Ellie said softly. "You keep me locked up in this house. I don't know if I'm some kinda prisoner or if it's just that bad out there, because you won't tell me anythin'. You used to be the only one who'd tell me things to start with."

Castiel drew back a moment to frown at her. "Where is this coming from?"

Ellie shrugged helplessly. "You're… kinda different now. I don't know if you still value the same things."

"I value you," Castiel said firmly. "And I tell you everything that matters. You're not my prisoner."

She closed her eyes, leaned into him again, and pretended he was still the same person who had said similar things in the attic at Bobby Singer's house. "Feels like it, sometimes. I'm goin' crazy here."

"You're here because it's safe." Castiel held her a little tighter than he needed to, his hands just a little harder than they'd been before. "I'll keep you safe."

_I'll keep you here, _was what she heard.

*.*.*

There were signs, now that she knew to look. Things she'd ignored. The times when he held her too tight, or when that manic glint came into his eye and he demanded she pledge her loyalty over again because everyone else was an ungrateful waste of oxygen. The way he sometimes squinted at her like he wasn't sure who she was. The lack of televisions, phones, Internet, and the outside world in general. She had no way to leave the house, she didn't even have Goddamn _shoes,_ and even if she did she was pretty sure Castiel had made a fair few enemies by now. Ellie was better off in the wards until her boys could find her.

If they could find her.

But Ellie Winchester was not a quitter, and she kept wracking her brains until an idea came to her that was so damn simple she almost slapped herself for not thinking of it earlier.

She'd summon Crowley.

The wards inside the house were loaded - angels, demons, witches. Anything supernatural that could be warded against, had been.

The laundry, however, was pretty much just salt lines and angel stuff. Nothing that would stop her summoning Crowley. It was down in the basement,

It took Ellie three days to draw the Devil's trap under the laundry rug, painstakingly done in the moments when Castiel was out spreading salvation with whatever she could find that would make a mark. Most of the markers she found had dried up, but she found some crumbling chalk stubs that were usable if you went slow. Real slow.

She didn't have the ingredients to summon him properly, but she did know the spell off by heart. The Latin rolled off her tongue easily and she waited nervously to see if it worked.

At first, nothing. Then-

"Well, if it isn't the Queen of the world," Crowley drawled, looking neat as ever in his suit. "Look, darling, I'd love to help with whatever sad problem you have, but your King has a thing about betrayal and I'd appreciate being gone before he gets back."

"I don't need you to stay long," Ellie said. "Just tell my brothers where I am, real quick. Promise to do that, and I'll release you. He'll never know you were here."

Crowley raised his eyebrows. "He's _God _now. He knows everything. I'm not sending your bloody love letters for you."

"He's sick," Ellie said stubbornly. "He needs help, and I can't find anything if I'm stuck here. He's gonna burn out if he keeps goin' and I owe him way too much to let that happen."

"Owe him?" Crowley's brows shot up again. "Funny, I could have sworn you used to say you loved him."

"We're- we never- damn it, I died before we had the talk and now he's kinda preoccupied - _why'm I even tellin' you this?"_ Ellie snapped. "Fine. Don't help me. I'll do it my damn self.. At least tell 'em I'm fine, will ya?"

"As you wish, your Majesty," Crowley sneered. "Break the circle."

She scrubbed at the chalk with her foot and he was gone, hopefully to the Winchester camp to tell them she was still alive.

There was only a brief tingle to let her know that he was here before she saw Castiel flare back into being. His eyes flickered down to the circle and then back up at her, furious.

"Who did you summon?" he snarled, striding up. "_Who?"_

Ellie scrambled backward, some latent sense of self preservation kicking in too late when she felt the edge of the wash tub against her back. "Crowley, but he wouldn't tell me anythin' about what happened, he just annoyed me so I let him go again-"

"You spoke with _Crowley?" _Castiel's eyes had that glint in them again as he towered over her, gripping her shoulders too tight. "You would speak to my _betrayer?"_

"I just wanted some information," Ellie said, trying not to wince as his fingers just about ground her bones. "You won't tell me anythin', and I'm worried about you!"

"You don't need to worry," he hissed. "I am the Lord. Nothing can destroy me now."

"I'm not tryin' to destroy you, I'm tryin' to help you!"

"You're trying to forsake me!" Castiel hissed. "Just like the others."

"No, not like them," Ellie protested, reaching for his face to try and bring him back like she had before. "Castiel, _I love you, _why would I try to-"

"You love me," he interrupted, less a question, more a statement.

She seized the reprieve. "Yes! Of course I do, you know I do-"

"Say it again."

She paused, a little confused. "I love you?"

"You love me."

"I love you." Ellie reached for him again, carefully, like he were some wild animal prone to spooking. He let her this time.

"You won't forsake me," Castiel said. "Because you love me."

"Yes."

He laughed, and it was condescending. "Alright. Let's see how far your _love _will get you. Tell me what you asked Crowley."

"I asked him about my brothers."

"And what did he say?"

"Nothin'. He's too scared of you."

Castiel stared her down. "That's all?"

"That's all, I swear," Ellie said. "Please, baby, you're scarin' _me. _What's gotten into you?"

His eyes flickered a moment, and then he was frowning. "No. You can't be scared of me. It's gone wrong again. Why is it always like this?"

"Like what?" Ellie asked cautiously.

"It can't be like this," he mumbled. "Has to be perfect. Everything will be perfect." He met her gaze again and lifted his fingertips to her temples.

"Castiel, what are you doing?" Ellie demanded, breathing shallow, trying to twist away. "Get off me! Castiel, stop!"

"It _has _to be perfect," he insisted.

*.*.*

She woke as if from sleep, only the dead never slept, and the dead didn't see their lovers gazing down at them.

"Castiel?" she muttered, confused. "What's goin' on? Jesus, why're you so bright?"

He kissed her instead of answering, something desperate to it that she responded to with enthusiasm.

"I missed you, too," Ellie panted when they drew apart. "How… what…"

"It doesn't matter," he said. "You're back. Everything can be perfect now."

*.*.*

**Sooo that took me a long time. The second part of the chapter took me a lot longer than the first. But it's a fairly long chapter all in all so hopefully it satisfies all my old and new followers out there.**


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